The idea is there, but it needs a little help. You've got run-on sentences throughout, the dialogue is out-of-character for Sesshoumaru, and script-speak gives it a cluttered appearance. The story could benefit from a little background, to give the characters more motive than Kikyo-bashing. I would advise you to find a very hands-on beta or perhaps a coauthor. I encourage you to continue writing and improving. Part of the difficulty of fanfiction is being inspired with ideas, which you have.