Kirai (Chapter 1) - Sun 08 Aug 2010

that was cute. I liked it. I really did. Definitely kept in theme with my challenge :)

 

I would also like to give a little constructive critism. Bear with me I can be a little bossy.

1) I would love to see you show a little more when writing. The entire thing was telling but i think it would have been better with some more details like descriptions of characters and whatnot. Showing what you are talking about with words rather than telling with words sometimes works better.

2) Not every sentence needs to be separated. You can put a couple sentences into paragraphs.

3) Watch the spelling a little. There were a lot of spelling mistakes that can easily be fixed.

 

I really hope that didn't sound harsh. I really liked the story. And i am glad that you enjoyed writing this. :) 

 


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