Wow. This story has all the makings of an epic. I love a good pirate tale with all the action and a love story mixed in. You've got yourself a really great start.
However, a few things could really make an improvement on what you have. I feel like there are a number of missing details throughout, like things are being skipped or rushed. This is not uncommon in writing - heck, I do it myself.
Like when she joins a ship and becomes an apprentice: when I think of an apprentice, I think of someone who becomes skilled at one specific trade. I see her as becoming a cabin boy and then working her way through the ranks.
Really, this is a great first few chapters! I look forward to seeing where it goes!
*gapes*
Hold on. I can't believe it. He did chase after her! WOOOHOOO! I'm glad, and I can't even ... *sniffles*
Anyway, what will happen to Kikyo? Will the war end before it start because the King is here and taking sides on Kagome? Or will there be an uprising against them from someone else in the Kingdom? Or , or , or ... oh so many questions in my head.
If only you'll continue this :(
*deflates*
I can see why she refused to stay with him. I mean, with her status and reputation as The Pirate King, why would his people accept her as his wife/queen? It's sad, but it's the reality--we can't always get what we want :')
Sesshomaru is so sweet and determined to have her, and I bet he'd do everything including leaving his throne and chase after her. *sighs dreamily*
I should have known it will be Kikyo. Ugh.
Oh, and a kiss! What a great addition! *squeals*
Oh my poor OTP!!
but judging from the girl who looked like Kagome, I assume he still longs for her to come back :')
Awww... I can see them being siblings! So cute!
Erm. Anyway. Does this mean Kagome and Sesshomaru will meet again? *grins*
Aside from the few mistakes, I am intrigued with this story.
And also laughing over the irony that Naraku is dead after appearing a few lines. I love you, dear, for writing this *giggles*
What a twist.
What A TWIST!
Okay, so personally, I have always paced my stories very veryyy slow. But reading your story is very refreshing. Yuki, quickly being labeled a traitor, then Kikyo being the villain, then Sesshomaru boarding her ship and choosing to be on her side.
AWWWWW
I just love how you threw in that twist with Sesshomaru. He loves her so much that he would give up his title and fight by her side. If you didn't show their previous relationship in the beginning of the story..I might have questioned it. But you showed his kind and loving side as a young child, so he would definitely give up his duties and responsibilies for the woman he loved first.
I knew it, I just knew I would feel mixed emotions by this last chapter. I want to scream with joy, but at the same time cry because it ends here.
I truly hope you finish this story.
*cross fingers*
And if you do, Pleassseeee send me a PM because I would LOVE to finish reading this story!
Well done, well written, well portrayed!
*breathes in and out*
*breathes in and out*
You are very good with portraying emotions. I felt I was there in that intimate moment. I love how Sesshomaru just pulled her in a hug. It was so bittersweet.
I think my heart broke when I read that he loved her....for she was still the young girl he fell in love with. And to be honest, Kagome did stay true to her young self. She is still pure and kind-hearted. This is portrayed by the way she protects the children and family on her ship. You have done well to portray her beautiful character.
Then, when she said she would personally kill him if he dared harm her family...I died. The emotions in my killed!!!
Such a heart wrenching experience it was.
You did not even have to explain the pain that might have crossed Sesshomaru's expression because I can just vividly imagine it in my mind. It burns!
Well done...well done.
There were a few spelling errors. But, just a re-read over the chapters would definitely help improve the mistakes! Other than that, you write beautifully.
*SOBS*
......*breathes in and out*
Give me a second.....to.....just....reflect on what has happened.
So emotional.
Wow.
Sesshomaru suddenly kissing her like that was DEFINITELY not good for my heart. I was SO shocked when that happened. But, what do you expect when he still loves her and has finally grasped her? I guess he was so happy because maybe he thought she was dead until now.
The chase out of the Castle just filled me with excitement! But...as a priate King...that was oneeee reallyyyy not-so-smart-thing to do there eh? I mean, she totally led them to her ship!! But I understand, becasue she was emotional and all.
Anyways, as she declared that she was the pirate King, I held my breath.
I could just imagine the shock and rush of emotions Sesshomaru was probably feeling. He, who now needed to hunt her down and probably execute her, still loved her.
The last sentence...Sesshomaru would forever hunt her down....so heartbreaking. *sob*
Although this is such a short story....you've made me so immersed and attached to it!
I really wonder what will happen next. I don't want this story to end...but it is still incompleted. I fear I will have a melt down at the end of the chapter. I really really really hope you continue this story!
NOOOOOOOOO~ Oh my goodness, your chapters are so short, yet they fill me wish such different emotions each time I finish them! *cries*
Sesshomaru...kissed....another girl. *sob*
Why didn't he understand that Kagome didn't have any other choice? But then again, they were still very young. And hatred is the easiest way to vent the emotions he probably had to endure. But, why did he choose a female that looked so much like Kagome then? Wouldn't he be reminded of her ALL the time then?
I really wonder what will happen next....
YESSS! *jumps up and down*
She became the pirate king! How exciting. I think her personality shines so bright as an adventurous pirate! OooooH! And she has made her own pirate crew with Sango and Miroku. I believe this doesn't make her the same as other pirates that murder....she simply wishes to be free like the pirates. But, it will still be hard for others to understand that since she holds the title of being a 'pirate'.
I'm so glad she returned home. The reuniting with her brother was really touching!
I can't wait to see her meet Sesshomaru again. I'm sad when she said she felt sorry for leaving him though. I wonder what will happen next!
Wahhh wahhhhh WAHHHH!?
This is SUCH an interesting story. I have found such a gem!!!! I'm so glad I was led to this story! I LOVE the 'Pirate and Noble' type stories! I'm glad that Naraku has already been dealt with, but I fear a greater evil awaits in this story. I'm curious as to how Kagome was able to choose such a bold decision to leave her family and run...because she is still quite young. Very young. But still, I feel that she will be adopted into the pirate life? And perhaps fall in love with our dear Lord Sesshomaru?
I had to squeal when I read that Sesshomaru blushed! I really hope he remembers her...
Great first chapter!
| | | | | | | | | | | | |