This story has such great potential to be amazing, but...
a. The spelling and grammar errors are really jarring in the middle of emotional scenes. Sadly, a spell checker isn't going to pick up a lot of them because what is there is often a correctly spelling wrong word. The effort that goes into trying to figure out what word is supposed to be there pulls me out of the emotional images you've painted.
b. That's the end?!? The ending is really abrupt and doesn't offer any closure. After all the effort that went into describing how Sesshomaru and Kagome came to be mates, and all the problems that have come from it for both of them, it feels like having the ground drop from under me to have no description of the process that Sesshomaru and Kagome are going to need to go through to heal and truly become mates. The scene with Sakura was wonderful, but I was expecting that to be the half-way point of the story.
On the plus side, your description of the history that led to this situation is fantastic. I love stories that base themselves in an epic history that the author has obviously considered. Your descriptions of Kagome's emotional state and conflict are also very well done, my sympathies are very much with her. Same with your descriptions of Sesshomaru's internal conflict in the last part of the story. I'd love to read more of what comes after and how they manage to bring some order, peace, and healing back into their shaken-up worlds! (I also can't picture Kagome letting the current social-political structure stand once she's found her feet again either) :)
Kylie (Chapter 1) - Sun 30 Oct 2011
You need to make another chapter!
Theres so much you have left out!
The glow on the knife she killed the cook with.
Her growing feeling for her soul mate.
The line between humans and demons!
IT CAN'T BE LEFT LIKE THIS!
UPDATE!!!!!
NOWWW!!!!!
(Please)
sara (Chapter 1) - Mon 28 Jun 2010
Please make another chapter to this
Sena (Chapter 1) - Tue 25 May 2010
I like where you have gone with this and definately think that you need to write a sequel. I have not read a fic where Kagome becomes a demon that I liked until now. You have many grammatical/spelling errors and instances of misused works. I can help you with those if you would like, I think it would make your writing more enjoyable. Let me know if you would like assistance proofing your work.
scarletwitchextreme (Chapter 1) - Sat 15 May 2010
please do continue that was very good and I was dissappointed when it sort came to an abrupt end. Please more
Haltia (Chapter 1) - Thu 13 May 2010
Oh, a wonderful, wonderful story indeed. So many good ideas, well put together, well written with few spelling mistakes. Though the story does end rather abruptly... Please, give us a sequel, or make this a short chapter story? This has so much potential! And I'd love to see what happens next!
SEQUEL PLEASE!! Its great but with the ending you put it would go great with a sequel to finish it up. n.n
ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh i loved that i want more! :3
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