well, i'm going to crit this b/c thats what i'm doing, we're supposed to tell you things that can help you be a better author.
I like that this was short and to the point, but i have to say that having Kags think english and then randomly "oswari" or whatever the japanese version of "sit" is, is distracting and takes from the peice itself.
I like that you give a different side of Sess, as a perv, but i think you could have expanded the idea a bit more, b/c you say that he's a perv and doesnt mind looking at humans, but then you have him taking her to his r0om for more?
You mentioned Inuyasha still likign Kikyo at the beginning, yet the point of the story is Jaken/Inu. You didnt even mention that he was drunk to get that way.
I liked it overall, but i'd like things like that addressed in future oneshots.
-r0o
Nefret (Chapter 1) - Thu 08 Jan 2009
Deeply disturbing, horribly OOC... and yet I can't look away :P.
O.o inuyasha....jaken.....LMAO-ROFL funny yet disterbing
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