Nice start to your story.  Everything flows rather well and your sentence structure seems pretty sound.  Just a couple of things to point out for future reference.  Try to refrain from having two speakers in one paragraph, it can cause confusion for the reader and it's better for the slow to have a new paragraph for each new person speaking.  And I would suggest editing your summary, it seems to wander a bit from the point you were trying to make.  Though I do like the title change :).

I really like the pace this story is flowing at and the amount of details is impressive. I have one bit of advice however, it is usually a good idea to only have one person speaking at a time in a paragraph. This prevents confusion as to who the speaker is and it will smooth out the slight bump in the flow of the story it has created here. Other than that, I am very I'm impressed with how this story is going so far, and you even had an excellent lemon to boot ;D. I will be looking forward to your next update. Well done!

First off, I like the pace of the story. I mean we've been thrown into it but everything is being explained as we go really well. I also think you have a talent I never developed, and that is the ability to write a hot and steamy lemon that didn't take forever to get out :). This story has awesome potential, and I really like the opening you have given this story. :)

Cuddles

This story has great flow without lagging on. Sometimes in order to try and flow well a story takes too long to get to the point, but I didnt feel this way with this story. I felt we started getting to the heart of the plot right at the beginging. Naraku is LOW! As a mother of one and another on the way, I really felt the angst in this.

Very interesting.  You have made a good start so far.  The story flowed nicely and was very descriptive.  Keep up the good work.

I like it, I really want to see where you are taking this story!
Naraku is such a d-bag, I hope Sesshoumaru rips him a new one and I really hope that Kagome's pup is okay! But it seriously has me wondering what Inu papa is going to say or do? -winks- keep up the good work!