Ooh!

That was very good.

I want more.

Great story! I enjoyed reading it! I hope you continue this. I really want to see where you take it. Especially, after that horribly cruel cliffie. I really couldn't find much wrong with it other than referring to Miroku as middle-aged, kind of threw me off. Keep up the great work!

I feel like I have read this story before, a long time ago.  I liked it then and still do.  It is well written and not too rushed, although I noticed a couple of typos here and there.  I hope you can update soon.  I'm really interested to see what you have planned for this story.

This  story is truly remarkable, with it's Mulan-like 'girl dressed as boy to fight in the army'. I actually shed tears in the first chapter when she not only lost her best friend but her father as well. You wrote her with such vigor and determination that I was drawn into the story. Chap 2 and the introduction of Sango and the always hentai Miroku (who should be in his mid-twenties, definitely not middle aged as yet) were a great addition - I look forward to seeing where they fall into the general story.

Kagome's decision in the end to walk away instead of killing is so like her and of course Sess would notice that.

Please say that you will continue to write...you are an excellent storyteller.

Oh no! There is no more! Anyways, I really liked this story. There are a few things I found a little disconcerting. The first one was that described Miroku as a middle aged man. I would consider middle aged to be 40-50. Perhaps you should change that. While you are good at descriptive stuff, at times, I thought it was a little much. I guess fifteen words to describe someone's eyes can be a good thing, but it should not seem forced. I don't know how to describe it better than that. The first chapter seemed rushed and didn't exactly draw me in, but the second was wonderful. Keep up the good work!

Right now, I’m extremely annoyed purely for the reason that there are only two chapters!! I think you have a gift for suspenseful storytelling (as demonstrated by the major cliffie in ch.2).  Plus: crossdressing is fun, no?

Chapter one: I have to admit that I wasn’t completely hooked when I read this chapter.  Generally, I thought the storyline was moving too fast.  In my opinion, it might have been better to flesh out the idyllic moments between Kagome and Sesshoumaru and what led them together.  (Perhaps you wish to do it in flashback sequences later on?)  I couldn’t feel what Kagome was feeling or what Sesshoumaru was feeling.  You had stated that they had been best friends for five years – it seems abrupt considering Sesshoumaru’s icy demeanor in canon.  (This is an AU fic; however, it is more important in AU fics for characters to be in character than in canon fics because of the new setting for the Inuyasha cast.)  I like how you said that the hug from Sesshoumaru was unlike his normal behavior.  Oh – before I forget:  Maybe you should write about Sesshoumaru’s conflict in leaving her.  Just a paragraph devoted to his feelings on saying good-bye.  It would make the tears later more understandable.  For the most part, I think you wrote Kagome very well: determined, happy (“giddy” was your exact word – great!), compassionate, caring, self-sacrificing…etc. 

My only concern with chapter one Kagome was her very impulsive decision to leave on the day of receiving Sesshoumaru’s missive.  She thinks everything through very quickly and just makes a decision.  I’m only speaking from my own feelings and recollections as a 12-year old (keep that in mind) but I think that a 12-year old Kagome wouldn’t be able to think through all of the stuff you wrote in such a short period of time.  She’s mourning so many things: death of father, absence of Sesshoumaru…etc.  So on top of mourning, she processes her future plans relatively quickly.  Also, Kagome makes the comment: "Thank you Seisho, I'll find a way to pay you back someday, I promise. I'll show you and daddy I'm not a weak little girl.”  Where does the weak part come in?  Before there was no mention of her being weak (no one called her that) so it seems a bit out in the blue.  I think if you (again) expanded on Sessh/Kag childhood interactions with her falling, tripping, getting hurt/into trouble…etc. and Sessh saving her then calling her weak, it would make more sense. (she would have some sort of childhood complex over being weak.)  Now my other thought on Kagome’s characteristics is that she seems to have a distinct lack of anger.  Kag’s father was called for by lord Inutaisho: sessh’s papa.  I would think that Kagome would be a little mad… (but it’s your fic, so the characters are molded into your vision)

Chapter Two:  OMG!!! This chapter was so amazing!  Kai is such a good cover name for Kagome.  (Question: after six years of walking around as a boy, wouldn’t kag be sufficiently secure in a male identity? I only ask because of her minor slip up with sango – she almost says “kagome.”)  So, I loved it when she knocked out Miroku.  My favorite scene had to be when Miroku wakes up and goes “she hits like a man” and Sango rolls her eyes and says, “yeah cuz she is a man!!”  I cracked up!! You write Miroku and Sango so spectacularly!! It was like seeing an anime episode!  (No criticisms here! ^__^)  Again, the chapter felt kinda rushed.  I think that you could have had a good five chapters with the two chapters you wrote.  This is NOT a bad thing!  It means that you have a lot of substance in your chapters that can be turned into even more awesome material! 

But the cliffie at the end…that was evil!!!  I was like, “NOOOOOO!!!!!” You stopped right at the action.  *glares* you did an amazing job so far.  It’s a diamond in the rough!  keep up the good work and I really hope you update soon!!

ducky out!

This was very well done, the first chapter was kinda sad, but the second one had me on the edge of my seat waiting for more, but alas there was no more, i hope earnestly that you will continue on with this, ill most definately be faving this in the hopes you'll be updating soon:D

i really like this i thought the first chapter was so sad but i love the second chapter i was rolling...but please update soon

this really good i can't wait see what happens next

YES!!!!! ADVENTURE!!!

What an awesome story.  It took me a few sentences to get into, but by the time I'd finished chapter 2 I was hooked.  I'm dying to know what happens next.  Congratulations on coming up with a truly unusual and gripping tale.  There are a bunch of questions floating around in my  head.  Why was Kagome Sesshoumaru's only friend?  Why did he stop being her friend?  How did he come to hate humans?  How was she able to walk through the forest barrier without even noticing it?  How is Miroku the only one to notice she was female?  I really hope you continue with this and answer them.

I was so caught up in the story that I never noticed any grammar issues or misspellings.  Some things I did notice that seemed a bit off to me were as follows.  You refer to Kagome in the beginning of the story as a little girl, but she was twelve.  Although she may have been short in stature, she was well beyond the little girl stage, and was actually on the brink of womanhood. 

Another thing that bothered me was Miroku being described as a middle aged man.  Maybe it's just me but I think of a middle aged man as being in his forties or fifties.  Perhaps in your story he is that age.  However, if he is only in his twenties or thirties then I'd refer to him as such.  Quote from your story, ""My lovely Sango, I was only removing some dust," a middle aged man answered with an innocent smile...."  Instead try:  "My lovely Sango, I was only removing some dust," a man in his early twenties answered with an innocent smile.  By referring to him as middle aged he goes from an amusing hentai to a dirty old man, which is somehow less tolerable and just gross.

Over all very well done. Your writing is descriptive and your storyline engaging.  I will definitely be favoriting this one in hopes you will someday return to it.

A very interesting beginning.  A few recomendations, try to stay away from words in all caps, slow down a little bit as some of the story tended to be a bit rushed, most of your details and discriptions are written rather well, but a few of them need a bit of work. A few errors, such as I believe Tenshii is spelled with only one i.  I was a bit confused when you referred to Miroku as middle aged, as that refers to someone around 40-50 years old.  I realize you could have meant middle aged for the time, as this obviously does not take place in modern day, but it didn't come off like that for me.

Other than that, the story is really good so far and would love to see where you take it.  I really liked the end of the second chapter, how she was faced with having to kill him, since he refused to submit, and instead walks away herself.  It was a very Kagome like moment :).