So for your story Inuyoukai grow really fast? Considering that in 2 weeks and 3 days Toga has grown to the size of a 4 year old. Or is he small like Shippo? Which is a fox... Who's Goh? What does he look like? Is he kind of similar to Kirara? When I like to write here’s some of my tips.
-You could add more descriptions to even the smallest of things, people, plants, ect. To lengthen the chapter and/or just create more chapters.
-Don't be afraid to mix up stuff. Like randomness added to snippets. Or in this case you could add more accounts of Kagome and Toga interacting. -chuckles- Oh my gosh they could get into so much trouble!
Okay.... another is to take a deep breath once in a while.
-Try not to rush things to get your point across.
-If it helps create an outline. Even if you write a jumble first copy to work with or a scrawl on a random sheet of paper.
-Always, try to have fun! Creating characters and their personalities are a delight! Who knows what you can accomplish? The normal tricky thing about it is keeping those characters in tune with their personalities even when you try to warp it.
Again, if this bothers you. I apologies. It just seems like your story is becoming cryptic. But, because of my insatiable curiosity I can’t resist to continue reading your story to figure out what path you chose to put her on. I will enjoy it either way. Every writers story has it’s voice and a piece of the author’s creativity. Even the smallest of chapters. That can create the biggest of blooming fields.
lol Wait, one last question for ch.2. How did Toga get pup-napped?
Wait... is he a child or a baby? Because there is a Vast difference. Near the end of this chapter you had said that it was time for him to be weaned. That means he's the size of a baby but in the begining you had said he was tied up. Insinuating and hinting that he was older than a baby that was being weaned. -sweatdrop- Then the difference between a child 'who walks and runs' and todler 'that is just starting to walk' it can be quite confusing...
Don't get me wrong this story is interesting and I like how you had gotten Kagome to train to become strong. Later going way, way, futher into the past, and down the well. Even if chapter 1 was also confusing. Which is expected becuase of how you had written it and the layout of how "literally from summary and your writing style" That you would explain in later chapters. I was just curious about my origional question up top.
If my bluntness bothers you, sorry. ^-^'
(Chapter 15) - Fri 15 Jun 2012
read it over 4 times and i love it every time!!!
Started the story and the immediate spelling error of Shikon no Tama has put me off the story. I skimmed the rest of the chapter due to my hunch that there were other glaring mistakes and I was not wrong. I am a stickler for major character and object names being misspelled, more than my pet peeve of misuse of words due to ignorance of the difference i.e. "breath/breathe, bath/bathe, there/their/they're". I apologize, but I will be unable to proceed any further without these errors being tended to.
Oh man I was hoping for more. I absolutly loved this story. I hope there is a sequel. Please? Thanks for a great story.
(Chapter 15) - Sun 20 Feb 2011
this story was great..I think I read it before but I don't ever remember finishing it..I'm glad I found it & I love it
JapaneseDefender (Chapter 1) - Sat 06 Mar 2010
I have to say... thought your story looks promising, i was unable to get into it due to glaring mistakes. Simple mistakes distract readers and decrease a story's merit.
Herd is a group or pack of animals. Heard is the past tense of the verb hear.
Also, I must point out the Japanese language is quite magnificent in its simplicity. They have a strict alphabet they stick to. 2 glaring errors from your story:
Shekon no Toma. Though it is possible to say this in Japanese, it would be pronounced by the Japanese ShAYkon no TOma.
In reality what u were searching for was ?????? - quite literally shikon no tama.
I also noticed in the comments you misspelled Midoriko, instead choosing to spell it Miderko. Again, in Japanese simplified her name is ????. Literally Midoriko.
I find if you work to improve these small spelling and translation errors, more people will read your works. Readers at Dokuga know even the proper Japanese translations. I am sure if you fix these small errors, more people will give your story a chance!
stars (Chapter 14) - Sat 06 Mar 2010
this is ok but I know you could do better. please updata
star (Chapter 13) - Sat 06 Mar 2010
please updata this bloodly story please
wow. I love your story. I like the part where she was able to go back in time to meet a young seshoumaru. Please update soon.
Oh wow, I found another story worth my time..... I loved it... I know this was never done before and I'd say you did quite well. Loved each chapter, you tell of Kagome's plights so well and the emotion behind it is totally awesome. I can't wait to read the next chapter. What will Sesshoumaru do once he finds out his father is alive and well living with the one he wants.... Oh this is to good. Update soon...
stars (Chapter 13) - Thu 18 Feb 2010
kim (Chapter 1) - Wed 17 Feb 2010
this story is similar to the story called unspoiled.
kim (Chapter 1) - Wed 17 Feb 2010
her name is midoriko