your story of "In the Arms of Another" was very captivating for me to read. I am looking forward to the squeal and wish to read it as soon as it is published. Thank you for using your wonderfully creative skill to write a story that when others read it, a small movie or play goes on in their head as one reads your work. I look forward to the many workings that have been brought to life by one such as yourself.
Your writing style needs work (especially your dialouge and the OOCness going on). Keep practicing and read from profesional authors like Terry Pratchett, Tamora Pierce, Jane Austen, Hans Christian Andersen, etc. as well as fanfic authors like Miss Kagura, MissTeak, etc., etc. Since you also lack a lot of discriptive terms (I used to do that ALL THE TIME), you should try to just spend some time discribing -- in your mind or on paper -- a room or an object with as much detail and expression as possible. Your discription of the world you place Takahashi's characters in can make a room insignifigant or memorable, a bobble malicious or charming, a character mundain or passionate. Words are very powerful, try to use them with their full potential in mind.
You also, when doing Cannon Universe, have to keep in mind that this is not just Japan but Japan five hundred years ago. There are tatami mats, shoji doors (that would bounce when slammed), fusuma, etc. to consider. For the "ball" you may want to review this link. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_cuisine )
As for this specific chapter, there are a few very obvious flaws that you might want to look over. One being that dresses of Japan are called "kimono" ("kimono" being a word actually made up when Japan started to open itself up to the world so that the traditional dresses of Japan could be sepparated from the dresses of the rest of the world. Be warned, there are many, many different types of kimono and each says something. Luckly, this is fanfiction and you can usually just make your best guess. If you're wrong, someone will probably point you in the right direction.) and there is no way you could curtsy in one. Japanese men and women bow. Another cultural mistake is the fact that men did not dance with women and, actually, kissing was considered grose and quite taboo. Children, also, rarely attend events and even if Rin had, shouldn't she know enough that Anzumi and Kinshi shouldn't have to teach her?
You might just want to look at some clips of Naraku's palace and google "japanese palace" and "japanese palace interior" to get more of an idea of what a Japanese palace actually looks like inside the world of InuYasha.
You and your plot have great potential, you just have some growing to do! ^.^
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