I'm a little confused. I thought that Sesshoumaru and Kagome had made love and then after they had sex he had gone cold on her and left her....not raped her. Can you clarify this please??
pacing is important in a story. i believe the pacing here, is too fast. she was raped and i think she would have at least been more hateful to seshomaru. also, his parents too. john olson, (powers and in the shadows) said in an interview by randy ingermanson that
"Readers subconsciously assume that reading time is proportional to the timing of the events they're reading about. If a writer takes time to describe the wildflowers beside the trail, the readers will infer a leisurely pace. If the story gives a quick succession of vague impressions, the readers will assume a rapid pace -- like the POV character is moving too fast to process all the visual information streaming past her eyes.
That's why you should never describe the wildflowers while a vampire is chasing your heroine through the woods. That's also why words like quickly and rapidly should be avoided. Not only are they evil "telling" –ly adverbs, but they also work against what they're trying to convey. Inserting them into a sentence actually slows down the sentence (which slows down the action in the reader's mind even though it's supposed to make the reader think the action is speeding up). The word slowly, on the other hand, doesn't work against itself, and is much more acceptable even if it is also an evil "telling" –ly adverb.
Pacing is tricky. There are hundreds of ways to inadvertently slow down a fast-paced scene. One of the worst culprits is what I call "order out of" which is when the author presents information to the reader in the wrong order. Take, for example, the following sentence:
A gloved hand burst through the wall and clawed at Dash's face.
On the surface this looks like a perfectly good sentence, but if you look at what's going on in the reader's mind, you'll see why it slows the action down. When readers read the words "a gloved hand," they picture the gloved hand in their mind. Then, when they read further and read that the hand bursts through the wall and claws at Dash's beautiful face, they get confused and have to readjust the pictures in their minds.
Their first impression of the gloved hand was on the wrong side of the wall. They could see it in their minds, so they automatically put it in Dash's view, because he's the POV character through whose eyes they are viewing the action. But when it bursts through the wall and claws our hero on the face, they have to back up and readjust the picture so that the hand is on the other side of the wall. These kinds of readjustments break the flow of the narrative and slow the pace down -- usually at times when we're trying to speed the pace up."
sorry if the quote bugs you, it's just that i couldn't have said it better without messing up what he said. i hope it helped though.
Not bad at all. one question though? Is she really that comfortable with him touching her and so on? I mean he raped her yes, but outside of that the trust issue alone would make me thing she would not want him to be too familiar with her. It is good she is letting him be with his sone, but that is seperate. Overall this is a great story.
Very nice chapter. I'm hoping that the next chapter will go more in detail of Kagger'z thoughts on this
raven (Chapter 2) - Thu 03 Dec 2009
This is an exceptionally well written story with great character development. I can't wait to read your next update.
Has Sesshou ever told his parents of what he did to Kagome? Is she the reason that he adopted Rin and changed his way of thinking toward humans and hanyous? What will Kenji think of his father when he eventually finds out how he was conceived? This chappie was soo very well done that I almost started to cry for both Sesshou and Kagome. Keep up the amazing work and update soon :P
autumngold (Chapter 2) - Thu 03 Dec 2009
I hope that Kagome will tell Kenji soon that Sesshoumaru is his father. If she tries to hide it, he might find out why she didn't tell him in the first place. How will Kagome's family treat Sesshoumaru? I bet her grandfather will want to kill him. Thanks for the update!
this is a really great story that i like and love a lot since i first started reading it and i was wondering if there were going to be more chapters to this wonderful great good story please because its very good. your a great and wonderful author who wrote this great and wonderful god story.
I love this story. Its really good.I hope you update soon.
Peaches (Chapter 1) - Tue 01 Dec 2009
Really good Story... I cannot wait to see what happens next... I was so holding my breathe at the end... I thought Sesshoumaru was at the park wit Rin. Wow... So cannot wait for the next chapter...
Many Blessings...
That was definitely an eye-catching first chapter. I think he needs to suffer the guilt a little while longer, but hopefully the next chapter will see them meeting at the park. This seems like it will be a great short story.
alana (Chapter 1) - Tue 01 Dec 2009
i luv it is so cute
Athemea (Chapter 1) - Tue 01 Dec 2009
So far so good. I really like the storyline of this fanfiction more so than the others that have been coming out recently. Please continue this story soon. The more chapters the better. ^_^
Ameire (Chapter 1) - Tue 01 Dec 2009
This is good. Thankyou ;)
Sooo, just to be clear....he rapes girls who are interested in him that he considers to be beneath him so that they wll hate and avoid him afterwards?
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