Very interesting - definitely unlike anything I've read before. Kudos to you for sticking your neck out with poetry.

I loved the closing lines; they're very poignant and beautiful. I did find, though, that one the whole the meter was a bit wonky, which made it seem a little bit jarring in places. The words are beautiful, and I'd love to see it turned into a story as well. However, I found, for me personally, that when read aloud the occasional extra syllable would throw off the rhythm of the poem (though, personally, I tend to gravitate towards poems that have a very defined rhythm, that is only broken occasionally to place deliberate stress - I'm not a huge fan of free-verse).

Poetry is a very personal thing to write, so there's no need to take what I've said to heart. It's just my two cents on the matter. The bottom line is: I did really enjoy your work, and I think you've done an excellent job. Thanks for sharing. :)