Definitely an interesting start. You've got a very unique premise for this fic. However, I wasn't really sure where this was set. I'm guessing it's an AU (as the Inu brothers' father is alive, and the two of them are living together), but I think a little bit of an introduction to the world as well as the characters would work in your favour.
Take your time describing your world. If it is an AU, make the universe your own. Play with the politics, and the impact that having demons living in modern society would have. Are the demons living underground, in some kind of demon mafia, or out in the open (even running the world -- how would that effect things?). Half the fun of AU stories is exploring the cause and effect of changing the setting surrounding the characters, so have fun with it. The more you're enjoying the story you're writing, the more the readers will enjoy it too.
That said, you've got a very unique premise, and I'm very curious to see where you'll go with it. Creating an original premie is probably the hardest part of beginning any fanfic. Furthermore, your grasp of spelling and grammar seems to be very good, so I reckon you'll go far.
Thanks for sharing!
Nefret
It's definitely interesting. One question, though: Is this set in modern day Tokyo, an alternative universe, or the feudal era? I like it so far. Can't wait to read more.
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