hey, i love how the startis all suspensful and i would love it if you would put up chapter two soon
I immediately fell in love with your first sentence! What an attention grabber!The first chapter overall is quite an attention grabber! Everything flowed very nicely.
Though, I am afraid to say that I will not continue to read your story after this chapter. I try to stay away from dark fics with an 8 foot pole (if possible) because they usually affect my mood in the negative manner. I apologize for any inconvenience.
I know you'll do terribly well as a writer, though, and especially with this fiction. Cheers, and luck be with you~
Maru (Chapter 1) - Sun 28 Dec 2008
| That was very well written! So emotional! so dark... the only thing I didn't like was that I can't imagine Kagome as a cutter myself... shes far too upbeat, you know? And like they said, seperate your paragraphs some. That will make it an easier read. But again, very nice writing! Good descriptions! .. Maru
Nefret (Chapter 1) - Sun 28 Dec 2008
An interesting start. This is definitely more angsty than I'd usually go for (I'm such a fluff-monger...), but your writing style is neat. I've always liked that almost stream-of-consciousness approach to writing that you're using. Just watch your paragraphs (I think a couple other reviewers mentioned this too), the longer they get, the harder they are to wade through.
One other point: keep in mind that cutting is a pretty weighty subject. I don't meant to pre-suppose anything about you or your own experiences, but I've found in fanfiction that some authors will treat it rather flippantly, which, I think, belittles a very serious topic. Since this is only a prologue I can't (and wouldn't want to) pass judgement on you, but I can just give you a friendly reminder to be cautious as to how you approach it.
Thanks for sharing!
Nefret.
Nobody (Chapter 1) - Sun 28 Dec 2008
You did well at this. Its not exactly my cup of tea. But keep going its well written. Make your paragraphs smaller and you'll be good.
It's definitely interesting, but watch out for your paragraphs - they're pretty long. I find that the longer they get, when they're in abundance, the less people are going to want to read them unless they're in books. But other then that, it's definitely good. I'll be keeping an eye out for the rest of it.
| i like it, i can't wait to read the rest.
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