It's a sweet little tale, even with the early heart break. I have always loved that song, and it fits their situation well. I noticed a few spelling mistakes that could easily be fixed. It has potential to be taken even futher in the storyline. I'm actually curious as to what happens afterwards. Her whole reaction was kinda cute, especially the final part. You have a knack for storytelling, and this was a nice read.

Whatever corrections you made on advice from the earlier reviewers has certainly made this piece a truly remarkable work worth reading. There are still a couple of spelling errors : notive for notice, no for not...little booboos that can be easily fixed. I would have loved to have you have Sess explain to her why he had supposedly abandoned her all that time....it just seemed like there was more story to tell. Great job though

This was an awsome story, I thought it was very well written, I didn't notice anything out of place in the spelling or grammar deptartment. Your descriptive abilities were impressive, it was very easy to feel how hurt she was. Overall very well done, I'll look foreward to more of your work in the future:D

Really good idea, but the story needs more development.  It felt very rushed to me.  All of sudden there are feelings between them but with no build up or explanations.  Although the song is a nice one it is more of a distraction.  I would either eliminate it or put it at the end.  You could just use a piece of the song that speaks the strongest to you instead of the entire thing.  Some of your descriptions are very detailed and symbolic.  I would expand on what you have and turn it into a longer piece, capitalizing on your strengths which lie in concrete descriptions to convey esoteric ideas. 

I thought that this was really sweet and sad, but it did not need the lyrics at all, they distracted and detracted from the story. It can totally stand on it's own. I would like to see more of your work. You are a very talented writer. I thought that her mental anguish was very believable. Very well written. If there were spelling errors, I did not notice them. Kudos!

A cute little story, though it was a bit rushed.  A few tips though try not to use things like (The villagers built it for her as a gift) in the middle of the story, use commas instead of ()'s.

For example instead of :'Kagome stood at the door of her cottage (The villagers built it for her as a gift) looking out towards Inuyasha's forest.'

Try: Kagome stood at the door of her cottage, that the villagers had built for her as a gift, looking out toward Inuyasha's forest.

I did notice a few spelling/grammar issues such as 'notive instead of notice' and a missing word in the sentence 'but he simply pointed at the black that lay in a puddle', it doesn't say what the black thing is, guessing you meant to have the word Jewel there.

And I would suggest dropping the lyrics completely as they don't really add to your story but take away from the flow.  You did a good enough job explaining her pain on your own, that they really aren't needed anyways.