This is an interesting story, but I'll admit that this story has me a little confused, so far.  I'm not entirely sure why there are some ancient Egyptian demons in Japan, or what Ayame and the northern lord have to do with them, but I am sure a lot of that will be cleared up in future chapters.  You might want to look into getting a beta to help you double check for spelling and grammar errors.  Some of your sentences were a little awkward, and a beta can help with that, too.  The characters you have introduced are interesting, and I look forward to seeing how they will be involved in the story, as a whole, and whether they will play a part in the destruction of Naraku, or if this is going to be a completely different adventure.  

Very unique plot. I really like it. I would love to see how you develop the story. It's a good thing not to rush any S/K right now because it would make things less plausible. Plus, I can already see a bit of a triangle going on, possibly. I think you should get a beta to help with grammer and stuff. I think it would benefit you immensely. I would love to read more, so keep up the good work!

Well the storyline is definitely original but I was very confused by all the spelling,grammar and sentence discrepancies. The first chapter happened so fast that I barely had time to wrap my head around the fact that there was a larger battle about to take place until I got midway chapter 2. I don't really know how Eqypt or the Scorpion King/Mummy 2 movies play into the story but I do like the interplay with the other lords and the fact that you didn't make Sess all high and mighty like most writers do.

My advice is to outline your chapters before you actually write your first sentence, that way you know what you want to include in each chapter and can work around it. Stick to 3rd person unless you have a lot of communication in quotes and a beta would definitely help sort out the spelling and grammar bugs that mar this otherwise noteworthy read

Wow, this certainly is an unusual storyline. I wonder how this one came to you? It is often strange how inspiration can strike. I found myself confused for a lot of this story. I have never seen the Mummy or Scorpion King...I wonder, does doing so make the character make more sense? I think you should get a beta because there were a fair number of spelling and grammatical errors. I think you are a good writer, but perhaps I am just not catching on, because like I said, I was just confused. Good luck with this story!

Okay, so ducky here!  The concept of your fic is incredibly original to say the least.  You write one of those fics with awesome ideas that are marred by poor mechanics.  You definitely improved every single chapter.  The main concern for chapter one is keeping to one tense.  The only reason I point this out is because it’s one of my biggest pet-peeves.  Flow is always important, and tense changes disrupt the flow. 

The sess/kag action is rightfully delayed because you’re developing the story.  It would just be weird to have them all smoochy with each other all of a sudden!  So, I give kudos to you in holding back and writing out the plot.  You have good pacing when it comes to splitting up chapters. 

My biggest general recommendation is to get a beta.  Grammar/spelling mistakes disappear (mostly) and you get to bounce off ideas to improve your writing.  You have a great idea – all you have to do now is expand.  The best of luck to you!

ducky out!

You have the begginings of a good story here, but it needs quite a bit of polishing. the first chapter is riddled with spelling and grammar issues, and while it gets considerably better in the second and third chapters they could still use some editing . Another thing i noticed is that the way you spelled 'Nuraku', i am very certain that it is supposed to be spelled 'Naraku'. Ill be faving this and hoping that you will continue it as it seems you get a little better with each chapter, i look foreward to see what happens next:D

You have come up with a very exciting idea and an unusual crossover between Inuyasha and the Mummy/Scorpion King.  I like how you have everyone uniting together in the first chapter to fight Naraku, very nice.  

There are a lot of spelling and grammar issues especially in the first chapter.  But with each successive chapter a lot of those mistakes went away and your writing just got better.  Your story needs some development throughout, though.  There are a lot of unanswered questions, such as:

1. Why when the 4 lords united to attack Naraku did it fail?

2. How did these beings from Eygpt end up in Japan?  

3. What are they exactly, gods, demons or something else?  Even though I've seen The Mummy it's been quite awhile and I don't remember who these characters are exactly and what their background story is.  It might be a good idea to assume your readers don't know anything about them and give a short background perhaps a paragraph long.

4. What were Ayame and grandfather doing, why didn't they share their knowledge with the other demon lords?  It seems purposeless to keep the information to themselves.

All things considered you've got the beginnings of an exciting story, it just needs some work.  I recommend looking into getting a  beta, they can be very helpful not only to correct those pesky grammar and spelling mistakes that we all make but also to bounce ideas off off.  

You have an interesting start here, but your story could use a bit of editing.  Though you got better in the later chapters, your sentences were still too short.  Especially in the first chapter, they were really small and made the story seem rather choppy.  The same can be said about the small, one or two line paragraphs.  As a rule of thumb, paragraphs should be around four sentences long.  Again, you improved greatly by the second chapter, but it could still use some work.

The third chapter seemed to not have been edited.  You were missing puncuation on many of the sentences.  A bit of editing and perhaps getting yourself a beta, could help.