I have noticed that you incorporated more of your own words into the song, and for that I am glad. (Still, the song part is extremely long - much too so for my liking).I would still like even more scene and dialogue to go with the song.

The first dialogue you have between Kagome and Inuyasha, I noticed that they both use the word "ain't" quite a lot. Now, I'll be frank with you. That word drives me absolutely crazy! And of course I can understand Inuyasha's brash tone using it every once in a while, but I think you over did it just a tad bit. As well, the way you have Kagome speak to Inuyasha in a rude way was out of character to me. Of course I understand that she would be pissy at him, but I would imagine her to do it in a more dignified manner, and not overly flaunty, if you know what I mean.

Inuyasha's little scene at the end was a bit sappy. I am sure that we, as the readers and audience can understand through his talking to Kagome's answering machine as well as his sorry state that he is indeed sorry for his situation. But for him to actually speak/think it so that you spelled it out for the audience seems only slightly redundant. Overall, the final tone would have been more resounding if you left his last thought line out.

Honestly, songfics are not my thing. I think you need to work on Kagome's personality more. As well, I feel like you've followed the words of the song too literally. Now, that is not necessarily a bad thing, but I think it can be better. Keep writing. I know you'll get better with more works and more time~ It was a good fic.

And another songfic! Again, I think it would be easier to read if you separated the song lyrics from the story text itself somehow. However, this is an interesting take on Kagome and Inuyasha's relationship. I like the way you've kept the feeling of the Kagome/Inuyasha/Kikyou love triangle, and posited a possible outcome. 

Watch your tenses though -- you switched tenses a couple times through out the story. Verb tenses are an easy thing to slip up on, so just remember to watch carefully for them when you do an edit before posting. 

Thanks for sharing!

Nefret. 

Ah im not a fan of song fics, but i liked this great job!