I see why this won! A wonderfull start to a story, and I hope to see you continue it. No grammar or spelling issues that I saw. Great flow, and very touching.

This was a wonderful beginning, I was sad to see there was no more when I got to the end. It is easy to see why you got first place, this was a wonderfully written piece, one I hope you will be continueing in the near future... Keep up the good work!

Very interesting beginning and I can see why this one won first place, you do a great job with the deatils and the story is flowing rather nicely.  Hope you do continue this story as you said you would in the AN, you have the makings of an amazing story here and I would love to see where you take it.