You've got an interesting idea here and a it has alot of potential for a good angsty/romance and all but it needs some work. There's alot of dialogue with nothing much around it, makes the progression of the story feel random and kinda lacking. I think if you put more behind the actions and the emotional thought process of the characters it would make it better. Like the flashback with her at the bar, think of using some more sensory description there, maybe the smell of the smoke or the loud music, anything really the sky is the limit. Don't take this the wrong way it's meant to be conscructive criticism and aside from the over use of dialogue your grammar is well done. Please Continue :)

Good Luck, MontiK