Sesshoumaru screamed ? I don't think Sesshoumaru would scream anything, but then again I really don't like an ooc Sesshoumaru. I do think you need to work on developing the characters more and also work on the dialogue. It's not a bad idea, I think it definitely could have been paced out more. I think an ending with closure would have taken the story up a level because we are left with this sad, weepy, love-struck Kagome.

Commas, commas, commas. Watch out for them or they'll turn around and bite you in the ass. =]

I think you might want to work a little more on tenses - make sure you know which one you want to write in, and stick with it. There was a little bit of 'says-said' going on.

On another note, some of the things you've got the characters doing, I can't see them actually doing , so maybe consider working on character development a little.

Ho-humm. I'm confused. Does Sesshoumaru like or not like Kagome? In a more-than-platonic way. I think you might want to go back and lengthen this just to make it better. For example, add more details, like the fact that Kagome actually like-likes Sesshoumaru, because I didn't catch that the first time around. (Sorry about the disunity of this review.)

Overall, I think it could use quite a bit of work, but you're getting there. Good luck with writing - I wish you the best.

Thanks for the read.

well thats depressing, i hope we see more, perhaps we could have kags rise above this, i really hate seeing a sad and weepy kags. I have a guy pal like this, its always been a situation where timing never worked out, thouh i do dearly adore him sometimes he's evil, when he has a gal he comepletely ignores me and i do mean as though i dont exsist, but when he's single we're the best of pals. He's my oldest friend ever, seriously i dont think i could force myself to stop being his friend, but i'd like to see Kagome move on from him a bit and make him see that she's what he needs, but then again, i just dont want her to be so hurt, b/c more thne likly he's just never thought of her this way. o well hope to see more. - r0o

Story needs a lot more detail.  Just seems liked you rushed through it trying to fit with the song lyrics as much as you could rather than writing your own story to go along with the lyrics.