Hi, been loving your story so far, but I have one small question. Did you mean to flip chapters 17 and 18? After reading both I noticed information I had thought I missed before 17 was found in 18. It was just really confusing for a minute and took me a few seconds to put it straight in my head.

This story is very well written! The plot from the storys I've read is pretty orginal! Thats hard to find nowadays. I hope you continue to write this amazing story!

This is a very interesting premise, so good work on that. Anything new is welcome, I always think. I do think that you need to do some re-working on this story. I think that you lost your focus half-way through. Some of the detail work got sloppy, and some of the characters seemed to change. Also, there was some inconsistancy with the demon/human stuff. Try to be more precise. Also, I would get a beta to help you with sentence structure and spelling. Good luck!

Well it's an interesting storyline you are working with there but there are quite a few inconsistencies from chapter to chapter. You started really strong and very detailed and then kind of got lazy as you went along. When you are writing an AU story like this one, it is very important to write yourself a proper outline of the 5 W's: who, what, where, when and why. Outlining basic information like demon or human, character traits/flaws, visual descriptions can help when you are compiling a multi chapter graphic story. It is also imperative that you plot the course of your tale as you go from chapter to chapter so that you neither write too much or too little of the main events occuring; that plus you don't repeat any of it. This story would benefit greatly from a re-working and possibly a beta's help to help with sentence structure and flow. Don't give up on it..keep working hard.

This is an interesting start to your story, however their are some inconsistencies with them being demons, you seem to stray from time to time and make them appear to be human rather than demon. Also the amount of detail you put in the beginning was impressive, but it began to slack off about the middle, making things a little confusing to follow. I would recomend going back and doing a little editing for spelling and grammar mistakes, and filling in some details to fix up this chapter. I wish you luck, and I'll look foreward to more of your work in the future.

Interesting start to your story, though truthfully in my opinion I think it would work better without them being demons.  The idea of them meeting up for a trade and ending up with an ambush is really more of a human occuarance.  Also I feel the F word was used a bit too much toward the end of the first chapter, there's nothing wrong with cussing since it is rated MA, but perhaps used different cuss words.  It'll help stop the story from being as interupted.  When you emphasize words, I'd recomend not using bold, italics and underline all at the same time.  Perhaps just using italics, since it's usually the least interuptive, would work better. 

You started out doing a great job on the details, though there did seem to be a bit too much blue hehe, but about halfway through the chapter, the details started becoming less and less.  I'd recomend going back through and working in some more, especially where the paragraphs are only one or two sentences long.  And, maybe it was just me, but Kagome's personality seemed to change from the beginning to the end of the chapter.  She starts out as a tough, no nonsense, strong person then she almost seemed to be kind of airheadish.  I would suggest double checking to make sure her personality comes through the way you intended throughout the whole thing. 

All and all, it was a really decent start to the story and I believe with a little bit of work, you could turn this into a really amazing story.  Good luck :).