I have to tell you that although you have a wonderful storyline and plot here, the English and grammar are so poor, it pretty much ruins the entire fic. Half of the time, I had no idea what anyone said (i.e. chapter 11, Kaede and Miroku speaking to one another..
"Calm down, Miroku." She calmly voiced. "All that you said I well note, but there is any different thing that must be done now. Kikyo is allied with Naraku and now that he has mated her, he is subject to it. I know that you and all others are not pleased with him and his actions, but this is not he that you see act out.
This did not make any sense!! Especially "All that you said I well note, but there is any different thing that must be done now.??? And, you said, "Attended", referring to Kagome. It is "Intended"!!
These are just two mistakes out of way too many to count or mention. I suggest that before you continue with the next chapter, that you take a class in English with emphasis on proper grammar and punctuation.
brendan (Chapter 11) - Wed 18 Feb 2009
| agreed;
i love the story
Anonymous (Chapter 11) - Tue 17 Feb 2009
EVIL YOU STOP AT THE WORST TIMES!!! *CRY SNIFF SNIFF CRY* WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO US?!
ANYWAY UPDATE SOOOOOOOOOON
brendan (Chapter 10) - Fri 13 Feb 2009
| hey;;
i love reading the story and after every chapter i wanted more!
its very juicy and scandalous. i can not wait until the next chapter, you better post it soon:))
Maddie (Chapter 10) - Mon 09 Feb 2009
great job I love it and I think that whats holding Sesshomaru back is his pride and honor
Hi! I really like this story. You get us into the intrigue of the plot line right away. I noticed a minor grammar error, and didn't think much of it, but the same error was in the next chapter- So I thought I would pass on the rule. "Do" is an irregular verb- it changes differently depending on the subject. I do, You do, s/he does, they do, it does; It's the same with the negatives- I don't, you don't, s/he doesn't, they don't, it doesn't.
In this chapter, this takes place when Kagome is talking to Kaede "...he forgot and don't want me no more." In chapter 2, the glitch is probably a computer correction, "Ma...doesn't."
You've got a good story going. Have you considered getting a beta to help out with grammar and such?
Thank you for sharing,
Kyuthe
brendan (Chapter 9) - Mon 09 Feb 2009
| omg its soo good;
i love the story soooo much.
&i love how its super awesome
i cant wait untilll the next chapters.
raven (Chapter 9) - Wed 04 Feb 2009
| I really enjoyed reading the story. Great character development. I would love to see if Kags will become even more feisty now that she has a powerful sword. And just what the heck is Kikio carrying???? Please update soon.
I love it!
please, update as soon as you can!!
Lena (Chapter 9) - Tue 03 Feb 2009
| I love this story, the bad rump in the sheets that was good. My question is why is Sesshoumaru so violent? But I love this story with the violence it just wouldn't be the same without it. Keep up the great work and update so.
Ashes (Chapter 8) - Wed 28 Jan 2009
Aww... I hope my comment wasn't too harsh... I'm sorry if it was.
I really like your story. This chapter made me laugh. I'm looking forward to the next one.
Maddie (Chapter 8) - Wed 28 Jan 2009
I loved that chp great job keep up the good work update soon
| I Love it update soon.
Tora (Chapter 4) - Thu 22 Jan 2009
| YE=YOU
you're using when Kaede says 'ye' as you, him, her, they,all of you,
it JUST MEANS you.
nothing else.
good story =]
Jenna (Chapter 1) - Thu 22 Jan 2009
| This is a really great story so far, my only suggestion would be to correct some of the grammer, maybe getting a BETA would help with that. The story is very solid and easy to follow though. I can't wait for an update. FAVORITES LIST!
I love it!!! Wow... I am really into this story. Good work!!
Maddie (Chapter 7) - Wed 21 Jan 2009
Oh PLZ PLZ PLZ update soooooooon!!! *__*
Ashes (Chapter 7) - Wed 21 Jan 2009
Hey I was wondering if english was your first language or not. You have several places were you used a word that sounds like the word it should be but isn't the correct one to use in that situation. The story line is solid though, so you get points for that. If you can find some one to Beta your chapters for you, it helps a lot just to have some one else go over your work before posting.
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