Angelicatt (Chapter 1) - Sat 13 Mar 2010

You convey the need and hopes very admirably in the poem but it would have been easier to read if it had been broken up into stanzas.

Sessylove219 (Chapter 1) - Fri 12 Mar 2010

I really like this one. I think it conveys feelings and emotions very well. Good work!

Scherherazade (Chapter 1) - Thu 11 Mar 2010

You are very good at conveying emotions.  Breaking it up into stanzas would make it easier to read.  A nice poem.

beckyducky (Chapter 1) - Wed 10 Mar 2010

Obligatory note: I think the poem might have been better had it been Can’t You See instead of Can You see.  It just sounds a whole lot better. 

Y’know, your poem reminds me of a song I listen to (like, on repeat… >.<) titled You and I by Park Bom.  It’s a great song (it’s in Korean; but you can find translations everywhere) and its lyrics are similar to your poem.  You have a knack for rhyming!! (Can’t do it to save my life)

keep on writing!

ducky out!

Hairann (Chapter 1) - Wed 10 Mar 2010

Some of the same issues as usual in here, most likely because they were all written around the same time :).  Need to break up your stanzas and watch your meter.  And of course, try not to use words in all caps.

Ikaru (Chapter 1) - Mon 08 Mar 2010

very well done, the emotions are easily felt through this lovely poem, you could feel the desire of the writer to get through to the one they loved, i must say a very enjoyable read.

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