Angelicatt (Chapter 1) - Sat 13 Mar 2010

Pretty angsty and heart wrenching this one...One repeated spelling error: DIEING instead od DYING. Godd job conveying the despair though.


Sessylove219 (Chapter 1) - Fri 12 Mar 2010

I like this, but really, you should use spell check. Dieing is not the right spelling, it is dying. Other than that, I like it. Very nice.


Scherherazade (Chapter 1) - Thu 11 Mar 2010

You did a very good job of conveying the emotions of sadness and despair. Overall, a well written poem.


beckyducky (Chapter 1) - Wed 10 Mar 2010

Wow!! This is one of my favourite poems of yours!  I think if you add in punctuation marks in some key areas (commas, exclamation points, question marks where appropriate), it would make a world of a difference.  Without them, I feel like the poem just goes on and on in one big sentence: definitely not what you want readers to feel.  There is so much desperation behind the words that you penned (or typed…).  I think this was an excellent job. 

ducky out.


Hairann (Chapter 1) - Tue 09 Mar 2010

The stanzas need to be broken up so we can see where the break are in it and be able to follow the rhythm easier.  Other than that, it's a pretty decent, angsty read :).


Ikaru (Chapter 1) - Mon 08 Mar 2010

That was a very deep poem, the pain was clealy evident and very well portrayed, well done.


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