OK...I get the story but even for a drabble, it turned out like a very long rushed oneshot. It jumped from time to time with little to no explaination of who these people were, what caused Sess to turn, why Kagome forgave him and why he would be proposing to her at 16 - highly unethical in every sense of the word. A beta would have helped catch the grammar and spelling errors but in order to truly grasp your intended audience, this story would benefit greatly from an outlined re-write. The plot has promise...

Here I would recommend using a beta first and foremost. It is a very interesting story, but you should think about pacing a little more. Try to lengthen it out. I know you said it was a drabble, but still, there are some parts that are too short that should be longer, and others that could be shorter. If you have limited words, try to use them to the best of your ability. If the song/poem is from someone else, give them credit. If it is yours, kudos. I think you have talent, just try to clean stuff up, okay?

An interesting idea overall but needs some editing.  The story is very rushed and titling every time change disrupts the stories flow.  Slow down and give more of an explanation of what is going on.  For instance, I don't understand why Kagome suddenly forgives Sesshoumaru's prior prejudice towards her, Sango and Miroku, just because he's decided he wants her for his mate.  The way you've written Kagome, as a strong independent character, I don't see her accepting his proposal until he proved he loved her for herself not just because she's a demon princess. I think you've got a good idea but it needs some reworking.

Just a question before I start to review: did you make up that song or was it from someone else?  I have to admit, some of the lines were pretty funny!  (My favourite: “Mean girls start on the playground pulling your hair/Then in high school gets worse from there/ You'll see them coming/They travel in packs/Smile to your face baby/Stabbing your back/If they aint out prowling/Creeping down the hall/You'll find them by the lockers sharpening their claws”)  If this was from someone else, I think you should give them credit in the summary or in an author’s note.  However, I have a good feeling this was your own work! 

Just a note on style: I think it would be better if you omitted the headings such as ~After Graduation~ or ~Three Years Later~…etc.  This isn’t exactly a long oneshot, so you can use proper transitions to signify the passage of time. 

The Sess/Kag reconciliation was pretty abrupt.  It didn’t really make sense to me.  If Sessh knew for years that Kagome was a demon, then how come he treated her like trash for a while?  If he really liked her, why would he have put Kagome and Co. through so much hell? 

General note: first person point of view is difficult.  I think it’s far more difficult to write this way than in the third person POV.  You really have to own the character in order for the writing to be believable.  You need to take us through Kagome’s thoughts more than the events that take place around us.  Tell us her feelings, her take on the world – not the bare facts of what happened. 

I really think getting a beta would make your writing very shiny!!  All those spelling booboos and grammar whoops! moments will just faaade!!  Keep on posting please!!

ducky out.

You have an interesting start to a story here, but it could use a bit of work.  Since you already doing time jumps, I would suggest dropping the first scene and making the FB a regular scene.  I think this story would sound better in third person, not only is it easier to write, but telling this one as a story, rather than something that happened to you (first person), I think would sound better.  Make sure you only have one person talking/thinking per paragraph, even if they only say one word, still hit enter after it.  There were quite a few typos that a beta could help you catch, I know you are currently looking for one, but until you find one, going over stories like this a few times on your own will help you catch some of your mistakes.  I, personally, usually reread a chapter I've finished about three times to help me catch my own mistakes.  And I would get rid of the song, it really doesn't help your story and really just takes away from it.

you have a good base for a story here, but it needs some cleaning up. the story here seems rushed and choppy, thus making it hard to follow. if you slow it down a little and fill in some of the gaping plot holes this will turn into a pritty good story. The lemon also needs to be fleshed out a lot, it was very bare boned, and was over far too quickly. you describe emotions very well, but you don't have the story to back them up. you need to slow down and describe the environment your characters are in, and the backstory leading up to the present, by doing this it will greatly improve your story.