Reviews for A Walk in the Park by Avi

VS (Chapter 5) - Fri 22 Mar 2019

Hello,

first of all I want to say that I like the idea this fic is based on! And you are doing quite a good job considering that this is your first fic. Congrats on that!!! :D

Here is a suggestion that might add to the quality of your fic: be BOLD!!! There is no need to have a happily-ever-after-mood in every chapter!

You described in your first chapter the difference between Kagome's real life and her dreams where she lived the life she wanted. You could have played more with that. She could try to escape reality by daydreaming too. Then you could have focused on the question where reality ends and dream begins. You could have played with her "mental state" (she doesn't have to be some psychotic...). It would be interesting to see her and our (the readers) reaction when she meets Sesshoumaru. There would be a discussion in the reviews whether we can trust Kagome or if it is one of her fantasies again.

The same applies to the 5th chapter. I absolutely loved the conflict you created between Inuyasha and Kagome! It was an awesome chapter! :D And the talk between Kagome and Sesshoumaru was emotional too, just in another way. That he told bits of his personal life was really sweet.

And then...you felt the need for the happily-ever-after-mood. Why does Kagome have to forgive Inuyasha this fast/easily? (And I'm not talking about how I disagree with Sesshoumaru's explanation. Because obviously Inuyasha knows exactly that he was wrong waiting for so long to meet her...and the rest are just lame excuses). Take your time and play with those conflicts. Add some spiciness to the story! 

As I mentioned before this is only a suggestion

I think you are on a good path with this story and I'm looking forward to your next update!


DragonChuu (Chapter 5) - Fri 22 Mar 2019

This fanfic gives me life ♥ I absolutely love how Sesshoumaru grew understanding and more patient. Gives a sense that indeed they have gone through life and learned from it. Feel real! I'm really looking forward to the next chapter, take your time but please continue this!

Thank you and have a great weekend. :3


Sally (Chapter 5) - Fri 22 Mar 2019

ENjoying the story. For some reason this chapter made me anxious, not really sure why.  I do know that it's nothing you did, it just sort of happens periodicly.  Sorry for the unnecesary essay, I don't mind if you ignore it.

I understand why everyone is reacting the way they are, she's an outsider that's mad at them.  This goes against the fantasy they have of her that they've developed over 506.  The memory of her most likely doesn't match who she is, especially with the temoil she just got thrown into just as she was starting tp heal. The guys now aren't the guys she remembers,  they have a family that she was never really apart of.

Inuyasha made a choice to let her go through the hell of losing someone she loved, and expected her to not be as upset as she was. Like the joy of seeing him alive would negate everthing she's been through. From how I read it, his choice was about him and how he would feel seeing her hurt, not preventing the pain that she would go through.  Then he comes back and tries to act like  he's not a stranger who looks like the guy from 6 yrs ago.  That guy is gone and replaced by someone 506yrs older, who's probably forgot what she went through, relativly recently, in the past, and married.  

As for Shippo, he's been with InuYasha all that time so I totally get why he's more concerned with Inuyasha's hurt feelings than those of Kagome's. We are more likely to justify bad behavior.  Every justfication he made can be countered. Women may not have really been educated in the past, but Kagome made it clear it was important to her. That's the part that mattered. He may not have understood why, but he could have aknowledged that it was and put in ore effort. With the Kikyo issue, she was faking it, you probably allready know that though, since it was in the anime and the manga.  Shippo never seeing Kagome this upset reinforces that the two are strangers. 

Niether of the guys are even trying to understand what she's going through, their just judging her. She's kind doing the same but it looks like she's starting to.  Hopefully they do the same.  

Felt like they were ganging up on Kagome a bit. Like they were playing some wierd game.  Sesshoumaru even made excuses  for Inuyasha but he at least try to empathize. Probaly helps that he didn't really interact with her in the past so he doesn't have as many preconcieved notions of her.  I look forward to seeing them get to know each other better and seeing Kagome heal from this rather strange situation.  It'll be intresting to see actual Kogome be accepted ito thier circle instead the fantasy one.  I hope Inuyasha's wife is better at people than Shippo and Inuyasha are.

 

Sorry about the length.


KEdakumi (Chapter 5) - Thu 21 Mar 2019

Glad she's understanding that he moved on and why... However I feel like Inuyasha and Shippo really minimized what she was going through.  Kagome wasn't wrong here to be so mad.    To not know if someone you love is alive or dead would be heartbreaking.  Then to find out they are alive and could have stopped the pain years before is awful... No.matter the reason.  Inu moved on knowing Kagome would be alive.  She didn't have that luxury.  She expected a lot in hoping he'd wait for so long, but he didn't handle it right either and she has every reason to be ticked.

It's a great story.... Just the guys  attitudes bugged me.

Can't wait to see what happens next 


ashuhhleey (Chapter 5) - Thu 21 Mar 2019

I'll admit, that confrontation with Inuyasha didn't go as bad as I thought it would. Anyway, I'm glad we're finally getting somewhere and that Kagome seems to be moving forward. And now we'll see how her relationship with Sesshomaru develops! =D. Lol, sorry. I'll try to limit the number of my comments if you want me to.


Ree-san (Chapter 5) - Thu 21 Mar 2019

I think Kagome was entitled to her anger, its a part of grieving.  Inuyasha was selfish in not seeking her out for 6 years and then to pop up within a couple of days of her knowing the truth.  She had the right to be able to grieve and reach her own conclusions from processing it.  It was also very unfair and selfish of Shippo to immediately expect that she would be instantneously cool with everything.  I think they took for granted that no matter how she felt, she should always put what everyone else feels first.  I think Kagome needs to understand that we all have selfish moments and that she has a right to anger.  Their expectations were hurtful and unfair.  I don't think she can trust them highly when it comes to considering her feelings, other than Sesshomaru.  It would be really weird for her to instantly want to be best friends with Inuyasha and his mate, even if she tells him she now understands.  Emotions don't work like logic.  


ashuhhleey (Chapter 4) - Sat 16 Mar 2019

Yay! I'm so glad you updated! Although I do hope Kagome hears Inuyasha out and accepts his apology. I mean... I don't think he should push things too soon. But since he's already there, at the very least she should hear what he has to say, even if she doesn't forgive him right away.


Orotami (Chapter 4) - Sat 16 Mar 2019

Oye vey, Inuyasha is going to get a tongue lashing! Can't wait for more!


Raelia (Chapter 4) - Sat 16 Mar 2019

Love this story, can't wait to see what comes next! Also hope life gets better for you :)


DragonChuu (Chapter 3) - Sat 05 Jan 2019

Amazing story! I'm loving how it is evolving! please, keep up the good work ♥


KEdakumi (Chapter 3) - Sat 05 Jan 2019

Sesshoumaru seems to think she is acting immature about Inuyasha, but he should realize that he and Inuyasha had a lot longer time to move on then she did.  As far as she knew, Inu was dead. She was mourning.  Now suddenly he's not.   Talking about him was basically a time warp for her emotions. Like she said, he knew when and where she was, but he did worse then breaking her heart...he let her suffer and do it basically alone.  How could any of her family relate to what she went through there? Who else could she talk to?  She really could not have logically expected him to wait for so long alone, but the passing of  time is such a difficult concept to wrap one's head around, particularly if you are used to moving at the speed of 500 years in a minute.

Did Shippo not seek her out or ask about her time?

Just my thoughts...Can't wait to see what happens next.


ashuhhleey (Chapter 2) - Tue 01 Jan 2019

Is it really considered a "betrayal" if Inuyasha's had 500 years to move on with his life, while it's only been six years for Kagome? Still, even then she had a lot of time to try to move on with her own life. I was kinda hoping there was going to be no character bashing or whiny Kagome in this fic, and I hope I'm right and it stays that way.


sesskagaddict87 (Chapter 2) - Mon 31 Dec 2018

If this is truly your first fanfic I'm incredibly impressed. Even two chapters this is going to be a good one and one I'm going to be looking forward to refresh my page often. Can't wait for the next chapter and see how Shippo and Kirara is doing.


Toni (Chapter 2) - Mon 31 Dec 2018

still can't wait for more  


ashuhhleey (Chapter 1) - Sun 30 Dec 2018

I'm really liking this so far. Keep up the good work! =)


Toni (Chapter 1) - Sun 30 Dec 2018

just read this chapter  thoroughly enjoyed it and looking forward to more chapters  

please update soon  

and happy new year


Mutnodjmet (Chapter 1) - Sat 29 Dec 2018

I like your story thus far.

It is well written and I have seen the name Nishimura used maybe once or twice as a surname for Sesshomaru in other stories.

My only favorite pairing is S/K in this fandom, although I have read a few other pairings for Kagome which I couldn't quite wrap my head around.

Anyway, I am looking forward to reading more of this story and I hope you update soon. 

Please don't abandon it.  :)

Great writing.

Cheers and welcome to Dokuga!!!


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