Reviews for Financial Ruin by LilBitz

sis (Chapter 1) - Fri 13 Jul 2018

this story gets better with each new chapter heres hoping for more chapters a.s.a.p 

can't wait to see what comes next so heres hoping you update soon .....


Mutnodjmet (Chapter 6) - Thu 12 Jul 2018

I am not sure about this story any more. I liked the premise and the first couple or so chapters seemed to have started out okay but now it has become discombobulated and totally nonsensical.  It seems to have lost focus.

Why is this story so focused on Satsuna?  It seems like she is the central character and everyone else is just a distraction in her world.  

Most of the events or situations in this chapter and the last one makes no sense to me...they seem like random ideas pulled out of no where and thrown together.  I hope you can get the story back on track and put the focus on the S/K ship.  I like your OCs of Satsuna and Marcus but not as the centerpiece.

I am by no means being mean spirited in my review but only pointing out my observations of the turn in direction of the story so please do not take this as a slight against you.  I think you have great potential as a writer...just need to organize your thoughts and again, stay focused.

I am still going to follow this story because I like it but there is always room for improvement and so will be looking forward to further updates.

 

 

 

 


candy (Chapter 1) - Sat 07 Jul 2018

I like your story but I don't know who speaking to who. Can you fix that please.


Smarty witch (Chapter 5) - Fri 06 Jul 2018

The plot sounds promising and your writing is adequate.  I do have some concerns about how you are Focusing so much on Satsuna’s character. I understand that she would be one of the main characters, however the story should focus mostly on Sesshoumaru and Kagome. So far Kagome has fallen to the background and Sesshoumaru is barely mentioned. 

it’s just something to consider. Just like Harry Potter: we all know Ron and Hermione are main characters and extremely important in the plot. Without them Harry would’t Have gotten far at all. But we are not given a complete view Into their lives like we do with Harry. 

Another advise I would like to give to you is to make a break when you are moving from one character’s point of view or thoughts to another. Also, make sure you are putting : “”,’’ depending of thoughts and actual speaking of Characters. Just some little errors here and there that don’t allow the story to flow as it could.

I love the plot and like I stated: it does sound very promising if you make those little changes. The plot reminds me of a latin movie called: “Nosotros los Nobles.” lovely movie and I am extremely curious to see the inu instincts implemented on this.

I love Rin’s character, I do love to see someone fall off their high Horse! Lol

Keep up writing! 

 


Mutnodjmet (Chapter 4) - Sun 01 Jul 2018

Nice humoruse chapter.

I can see the match-ups now: Satsuna/Marcus; Inuyasha/Kikyou; Sesshomaru/Kagome and Souta/Rin.  Gotta find a match-up for Mr. Higurashi.   :)  LoL

Looking forward to more updates soon.

 


Mutnodjmet (Chapter 3) - Fri 22 Jun 2018

LoL...Inupapa seems to be doing a great acting job of being surprised at what is happening to his pack. 

It seems that while putting his plan into action that he did not take in account how it would affect his mate, which is putting him at odds end with his beast and natural instincts to protect and provide for her.

Looking forward to what will happen next.

Great job!


LadyNita (Chapter 2) - Wed 20 Jun 2018

Call me intrigued.  I cant wait to read more.


InumeT_FlyGirl (Chapter 1) - Mon 18 Jun 2018

I’m excited to see where this goes! 


Mutnodjmet (Chapter 2) - Mon 18 Jun 2018

Hehehe...I like their plan.

Rin was such an obnoxious little twit.  She will get her come upance and she is not going to like either.

How dare she say she did not like the smell of poor people...well she is about to see the other side of having too much money  :) lol 

Looking forward to more updates.

Nice job!!!


Mutnodjmet (Chapter 1) - Sun 17 Jun 2018

This sounds very interesting. I believe based on the first chapter that it will be a good story to read.

It is very nicely written with the exception of a few grammatical errors. No worries, they did not interfere with the flow of the story.

I wonder if Inupapa is really going to bankrupt his family or do it as a ruse to teach them all a lesson?

Looking forward to future updates.

Nice job!

Cheers!!!


Roseanna (Chapter 1) - Sun 17 Jun 2018

I like the premise so far on Chapter 1.  The story could go in so many ways, and I do enjoy reading a fictional "fall out" when someone who has most of the power decides to do something to the detriment of all, including themselves.  So long as InuTaisho sticks to his plan and doesn't spend as well (which it sounds like he doesn't other than keeping the company running), I will enjoy future chapters to come!!

P.S.  There were a couple of grammatical errors (there instead of their), and such, but it is not a huge deal.  Keep up the writing and story plot! :)


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