i hope that i don't have to wait about 4 month to read another chapter.
Wow is all I can say I love the fact that it is a long first chapter, you did a wonderful job, I must say I was shocked on how long the years went by "15 year" so I am guess Kagome is in her 30's Wow or at least 30, wow, I am happy that we get to see a little bit of her children's side on what they think about there father, it is hard to believe that Sesshomaru has not even once called her or see if she is alright I mean damn he truly is a bastard, and now 15 years went by and not even once!! I hope this is not a fan fic were she meets him again and all is fine like flowers and unicors "NO WAY" I hope it is not like that, I hope she gets alittle strong point on that when it comes to Sesshomaru and her!!! I really do hope you con with the story, I think you have somthing hear, and I can't wait on how this story folds out.
Hattaru
-_~
Kristin (Chapter 4) - Mon 02 Nov 2009
I'll compose a much better review when i have time, so until then: I really like you fic and cannot waiti to finish reading it at a more convenient time.
SBK or Astharoche on here
I am so glad that you've updated this very awesome story. I wonder what Miyu plans to do to get Kagome to leave Japan? Will Kagome's new family get along with her old family? I hope the twins and their friends give Miyu hell while they're in Tokyo. And I hope Bankotsu and Kagome become an item and make Sesshou see the error of his ways... I really hope you make him regret ever abandoning Kagome. And I think Ta Ta's father is Naraku cuz he seems like the type to be acquainted with Sesshou and would abandon Mimi. Not sure if he's a friend of Kagome's thought... I really love this fic and would appreciate an update really really soon. Keep up the good work. :P
Napua (Chapter 8) - Mon 02 Nov 2009
I really love the way your story is going. Please continue to write this. It's a very intrigueing story and you are a wonderful writer. Alot of twists and turns here so keep up the good work. I think that Tata's father is Naraku. Well on a positive note your a great writer and please continue to write this story as you please. I like it and will continue to search for it and read once you update. Again thank you for a most enjoyable reading experience. Napua
sunset in love (Chapter 8) - Mon 02 Nov 2009
definitely a LONG AWAITED CHAPTER, mega infinity emphasize on those capital letters... and with stern message of.... please update soon... you are sorely missed!
Adria_Li (Chapter 8) - Mon 02 Nov 2009
I'm glad that you continue this story. I look forward to more of this romance fanfiction, "Teenage Love Affair". Oh, I think Tatayana's father is Naraku. Hope I'm right. ^^
Aniece (Chapter 8) - Sat 25 Jul 2009
Damn it!!! *excuse my language* this story was getting so good. Now you want me to kick mizu's ass (LoL) update soon and send them to aniecebrown@yahoo.com
Amben (Chapter 7) - Sat 06 Jun 2009
omg this is sooo good you have to write more soon its really good
Coral (Chapter 7) - Tue 24 Mar 2009
The concept of your story is good. Although the foundations of the plot is ubiquitous, you added some particularities that make this story yours. However, there's a problem and please take this with a grain of salt. You need to improve the transition of one character to another, as well as to define better the sections/scenes of your chapters.
While it is possible to read through what is happening, it becomes really confusing and troublesome to figure out who was saying what and in which circusmtances. Moreover, your dialogues also need improvement. For one, there are too many voices that switch back and forth without specific delimitations. Each character needs a voice to be fully understood and developed. However, it does not need to be in every section, chapter or conversation. A character can also develop through the voices of others. Furthermore, adding colloquialisms and pop-culture/teenage-oriented usages of language helps to capture the essence of the personalities (in this case Ai and Yo Yo); however, there's a difference between presenting them in a story (as in written style) and presenting them as a conglomeration of words and signs.
You can further develop your style and written expression by revising your work and making sure transitions happen smoothly instead of just adding chunks here and there when inspiration strikes. Although that is one strategy to write, it is just a first step. The writer needs to go back to his or her work and make sure that things fit together.
Without sounding condescending, from your writing style and the language you use, you sound relatively young (well, in comparison to me at least). You will continue developing your writing style and I hope I did not offend or hurt you with this review. I simply like the story but the more I read the more I notice these small mistakes that could be improved and yet nobody points them out. From my point of view, reviews are not solely directed to praise the author, but at the same time, to provide constructive criticism.
-C.
nice story...keep up the good work. plse update soon. *hugs and smiles*
I love how you let the twins' personalities show through... I have a better understanding of how they are as individuals. And I can't wait to learn more about Jayden. I look forward to Sess finding out that Kagome was right about his wife... I hope Miyu gets what she deserves. And I wonder how Kagome's American friends are going to fit into all of this. And I think this fic will be one of the ones that I'll have to re-read cuz it's just that good. I rarely re-read an fics but there's just so much plot and character development that it's worth reading again... who knows, I may have overlooked something the first time through the fic. Keep up the good work and update soon. Hope you had an awesome new year. :P
awe i love this! i cant wait for the next update!
OMG it took you forever to update but i understand i feel bad for you i have only a few months til my senior year and im dreading it cause all of my senior friends tell me the hectic state it is with finding college's and everything..but congrats on the schools you got accepted to..but anyway i loved this chapter, and jayden just seems so interesting and i like to mix for him too...but please continue soon
Crimson Rose (Chapter 6) - Fri 02 Jan 2009
All I can say is WoW! Now you really NEED to update!
TK (Chapter 5) - Sun 21 Dec 2008
I like the story but I think that there are too many OCs and the friends coming from america just add to that. THIS IS NOT A FLAME, I ENJOYED THE STORY.
Oh my gosh, I love your story! Keep up the good work and update soon!
Haha love it! Being a girl the can put a guy on him ass effortlessly makes me warm and fuzzy!Loving the new chapter, cant wait to see the next one! Love~ Love~
Page 1 of 3
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |