Damn he wants to sample his secretary and wants his wife...dude he seriously doesn't get that that's not how marriage works does he? I thought dogs were supposed to be loyal but damn...Sesshomaru you fucked up literally. Lol ???? Can't wait to read what happens next!! Please update again soon.
So, that idiot actually thinks, he can cheat on her and then he can still claim to be her alpha? Oh ha! Lord, throw brain or stones, it doesn't matter as long as you strike him! *cynicism end*
It may just be me, but I think an alpha should be loyal to his or her pack. Kagome is his mate, so probably pack. And he cheated on her with two women. So, he doesn't really have any right to keep calling himself her alpha. I hope he has to work a lot to maybe get a second chance. We all know, he doesn't deserve one. He obviously didn't even feel guilty when he hoped Kagome would still be awake, he even called her to make sure she would be awake! I can actually see where Yura is coming from, overestimating her worth to him: If he enjoys being with his mate really that much, why would he stay away from her so long to be with Yura? Why doesn't he enjoy the time with Kagome instead?
Ok, enough ranting about that faithless mutt. There are some mistakes with punctuation, which makes your text harder to read. You should get a beta or leave the text for about a week before proofreading to find mistakes. But I like your story and I hope you'll continue it ;-)
Sers,
Hexxe
I can’t wait to read more!!!!!;) I wonder when Sesshomaru will realize she’s pupped. I hope Kagome gives him hell for cheating on her!!!!
The plot of the story is good and i will not going to deny that i did enjoy this story however there's a lot of mistake here and there but I believe you can Polish those mistakes or get this for beta?
Now sesshomaru, don't even think to go after kagome and claiming her like some kind of property, the asshole hurt her so much! I hope kagome won't forgive him that easily. And she had yet to make him realize his faults. Thanks! And Good luck!
Oh my gosh . When are the new chapters coming!
Nice chapter. There are a few things like some words are missing from sentences but other than that it was well written. What in the world is he expecting after he cheated in a threesome? Where can she hide from him if he was able to overwhelm her already? Will kagome go to their father for protection and advice?
Update soon onegai
Ja ne
Hi! So first off, you're doing great for your very first story. You have picked a plot that a lot of people enjoy, and most of us can't wait to see where it goes. Now also on the fact that this is your first story, I think maybe you should look into getting a betta. You can find a lot of people willing to review your story before you post it, they will give you helpful tips on your writing style, aswell as smooth out any rough edges you yourself, have missed.
I hope this review does not discourage you from continuing to write, that is not my intention at all.
Cheers and best wishes!
TIO
Jane (Chapter 1) - Wed 18 Apr 2018
I really enjoy reading the story despite the run on sentences. You need to watch the use of threw, threw= to throw or a verb, through is used as a non verb ,"I saw through his lies when he told me he loved me."
No mater how interesting your plot is, many readers will be turned off if the formatting of the text makes the story too hard to follow or to read. Paragraph breaks and punctuation are really important for the readability of the story. Since it's your first fic, it's great that you've nailed a plotline that people find interesting! Just work on formatting, and you'll find many more people willing to dive in.
Shayla (Chapter 1) - Tue 17 Apr 2018
I hope you continue this and can't wait for more
Neicia (Chapter 1) - Tue 17 Apr 2018
Please please please continue writing and updating I am revited and engrossed. I am intrigued and ready for more
I am so ready for this story. Great start!
Oh sorry forgot to mention this, you need to space out your paragraphs because it's a bit hard to tell when kagome's speaking or thinking.
Ja ne
Great chapter. There are a few grammatical errors when you talked about the things they did together, ie his lips, his hands, his claws. This is a very good start and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Update soon onegai
Ja ne
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