I like your story and where I think it is headed. I think you did a good job in putting the story together, however, I found that the story was a bit disconbobulated because you kept going between first person and third person which affected the flow of the story. 

I was also confused about the interactions of the characters such as Yura and her hostility toward Kagome. What is her relationship with her meaning was Yura Kagome's supervisor or a random co-worker who was jealous of her, if so why? If she was not her supervisor then she had no reason to remark on Kagome's comings and goings. Kagome should have said nothing to her at all or just say mind your own business.

Kagome just barging in on Mr. Okami's office without his permission is very unprofessional and she should have known better, especially coming from Japan basically because of her cultural upbringing. Also as a good employee she would never interject her opinions on business matters that did not concern her or was not given permission or invited to speak. This again makes her seem unprofessional.

Also Kagome, working that late at night and knowing that everyone else in her department had left the building, would be very wary of her surroundings as a woman alone and take precautions. She could have called security to request an escort out of the building or to her vehicle, if she has one. But it seems as if common sense left her when she got on the elevator and paying more attention to her cellphone, not bothering to look up to see who else was on the elevator, was a bit obtuse. When the elevator malfunctions and the lights go out, her survival instincts and fear should have kicked in when she was suddenly assaulted. But two seemingly strangers give into lust and passion does not sound very romantic at that moment especially when the elevator starts again and he tells her not to look at him, now that is creepy. I think it might have been a little romantic if they had told each other their names at least.

These are only my constructive opinions and review of the story and it is your story to write anyway you want. A beta might be of help. Please do not think of me as being unkind. As I said prior, I really do like your story idea and look forward to reading more. Keep it going. Good job!

First off, I'll say good job.  It's an intriguing idea to have her move to a completely different part of the world.  Second, this story was incredibly hard to read due to the constant switch of first person to third.  I would rec getting a beta or going through it yourself and choosing which tense you want this story in.  The sentences are choppy and disjointed, but I do think it's a good premise.  I think you could expand on this a great deal.  Incorporate how characters are feeling, what they're thinking.  It's one thing to write a story.  It's another to bring people into the story that are reading it and get them to feel for the characters.  All in all, I think you did a good job and I look forward to reading more from you.  Good luck and keep up the good job!

Gr8 story!!! Waiting for the next chapter!

Keep up the great work. Story is good!