Please Don't Think of Me by sesshou_lover

How Have You Been?

Believe me I know this is a shorter chapter, but It was way too painful, probably as painful for me as it was for them. Sorry it took so long, but I have been so busy with work that it is impossible to talk about here. So here is your chapter enjoy.

How Have You Been?

Kagome sat across from Sesshoumaru at the restaurant. They were waiting for the waiter to bring their orders. She tried not to stare out the window, but it was hard. Neither spoke a single word.

Looking at Sesshoumaru seemed too painful considering what he had become. Where is the strong demon she knew, the demon that let nothing hold him back?

Suddenly he seemed so small, careworn. She missed the old him. 'I guess that's the hazard of choosing to be unhappy.'

Realistically she knew he could leave Kikyou. He never would because he hated to be alone. He chose this, Kagome reminded herself. She spent a long time trying to forget the way she used to feel.

"So how is work," she asked for lack of anything better to say. He shrugged. What did it matter considering where his money went? Kikyou made it seem as if he made nothing. "Work is not objectionable. I am working on a new project, a really big one."

"That's good," she said. "I'm glad you're doing well at work." It made her happy that he did well at work. For some reason she expected him to do well. He was Sesshoumaru, so that meant he got everything he asked for.

"What about you?" he asked. She smiled slightly.

"You know about the promotion. Things are very well in that respect. I earn enough to provide for myself so I certainly have no complaints."

"That's good." They fell silent.

"This seems to be more awkward," said Kagome. Someone had to say what they both knew. Three years made a lot of difference when you didn't exactly end on good terms. Though it was nice to see one another, it made it painful at the same time.

What could Kagome honestly say to him that other people probably haven't? She wasn't looking to return to where she had been with him, to risk being left for another woman. She did not know yet if they could be real friends.

"I suppose it has been a very long time," he admitted.

She did the only thing possible, she nodded. They had to do something before they parted company again. She felt the need to leave him feeling better. She was so used to taking care of other people.

"Why don't you tell me about what you have done these last three years?" It was a safe topic for them to discuss.

"There isn't much to say," he began. "You know I married Kikyou. I've advanced to running my own company. I make a decent amount to live off of in normal circumstances. I'd bore you with the particulars of my everyday life at work, but there is no need to do that."

"Did you vacation anywhere?" She took a sip of her soda. Maybe if they asked questions they could get over this sort of strangeness between them.

He shook his head. "I have no time to vacation."

"You shouldn't work so hard," she said. She worried about his health. He looked so sick.

"Must you worry Kagome?"

She patted his hand. "Someone has to. You never take the time to worry about yourself. You were always that stubborn Sesshoumaru."

"Remember when you used to force me out of my office?"

She chuckled, tears pricking her eyes. There were so many memories she had of her relationship with him. The only bad times she remembered were when he broke her heart. It seemed strange to talk as if none of the pain happened.

She forgot most of it, but it seemed...she didn't know how to describe the way Sesshoumaru looked as he talked to her. His citrine eyes dulled with mysterious memories.

"You always took care of me Kagome." She had to nod. She never really thought of it that way. She simply did what her heart always told her.

"So I guess you have no children then." Better to not make it a question since she figured she already knew the answer. He hadn't really wanted children anyway, so perhaps he had been glad not to have children.

She glanced at his face. He seemed sadder all of a sudden, as if the thought of not having children really did hurt him. He shook his head. "No. Kikyou doesn't want to have children. She says she refuses to get fat."

How horrid, she wanted to say. All Kagome wanted was a family to call her own. She lived for the chance to have children, to have a husband of her own. She wanted this more than anything she ever wanted before.

Without thinking she reached across the table to pat his hand. He had changed so much from the demon she remembered. Perhaps he finally learned to grow. She certainly hoped so. It could make him a better person.

Sesshoumaru looked out the window. He never thought it would be this painful. He used to be able to relax around Kagome. He always used to tell her everything, be open with her.

So how had that all changed? Where did they go wrong? Immediately he thought about the break up. It seemed to be the beginning of the end. But Kagome had seemed so genuinely happy for him.

He had been happy then. His mind refused to consider that he had been the cause of everything. How could he have been? Kikyou had been his high school sweetheart. They were supposed to be together.

He observed Kagome. He always thought her plain, so plain compared to Kikyou. Kikyou had perfection going for her. She was beautiful, elegant. Kagome had been too relaxed in their relationship. She rarely liked to dress up.

Sesshoumaru had fallen for Kikyou's manners. The girl just made him want her, where Kagome seemed too much a friend. He had attraction for Kagome once; it just felt so different from Kikyou.

Kagome almost knew his thoughts. He knew him too long not to virtually know what he thought. It upset her, more than she let on. Yes she had been plain; yes she wasn't as graceful as that bitch Kikyou. But more important, Kagome had been faithful.

She loved Sesshoumaru with all of her heart when they were together. The very thought of treating him less than the best never crossed her mind. How else could she pretend that she had not been so hurt by him?

Maybe this really had been a bad idea. She wanted to go home without eating. She couldn't take being around him anymore. It seemed too difficult to try being around him.

She chewed on her lower lip as she looked away from him. Call her crazy, but she really wanted him around. She wanted for them to be friends. She got over the break up.

Besides he needed someone to help him take care of himself. He was not capable of doing it on his own. And he certainly had no one else who cared enough to try to help him piece himself back together.

'Kagome the selfless' he once called her. How true his words were. When she should think about herself, making herself comfortable, she thought about helping him.

How did she get herself into these messes?