It had been so long since he’d heard her laugh.
Centuries. Decades. It had felt like an eternity, yet there she was, not even as tall as his knee, dancing in the supermarket. He was so shocked he found himself immobile for a long moment.
He’d never recovered from loving her. They’d met when she was barely fifteen and was still traipsing around with his half-brother Inuyasha. Kagome had been strong and open minded, a woman very unlike the others of that time, charming her way into the hearts of everyone she met. And then, just when he thought they’d stay together forever, she left the world and left him, only an echo remaining.
…
“Sesshomaru?”
Inuyasha’s wench approached him tentatively, and he ignored her. She was the only one of his group that continually went out of their way to talk to him, and she was also the only one to meet with such continual failure. This past week had required his small pack to travel alongside Inuyasha’s and the miko had time and time again attempted to tempt him into a conversation during the duration of their hikes, but he had successfully outmaneuvered her. Now, however, as he sat underneath a pine while the humans dined, she was unavoidable.
“Sango and I are going to the hot springs and I was hoping to bring Rin along.”
He glanced at her strangely. Everyone in the group had cleaned themselves after defeating a snake demon earlier in the day, so why would they require a bath again? No one smelled poorly, he was sure of that. His ward smelt of the flowers she’d sneakily plucked while they made camp.
“Why?”
“Well,” she tucked a stray hair behind her ear and fluttered over her words, “it’s a very good bonding experience, especially for the kids. Rin doesn’t get to spend much time with girls, and we were hoping to unwind and relax with her.”
He pondered the idea for a moment and nodded his assent. The miko, though persistent and prodding, was trustworthy.
…
He thought of her often.
They’d married in her tradition and had been a few days away from mating in his when she’d died. They’d had many a happy month together in courtship, but those scant few moments together shouldn’t have been the end. They’d had such a wonderful, beautiful future together, one that he could no longer bear think about anymore.
She was his sun, and he her moon. They completed each other in so many ways. Where he was few with his words, she had a never ending stream of things to say. Sesshomaru meant everything he said, and she admitted to throwing things out carelessly at times, much to his humor. She laughed, and he loved to make her giggle. Her heart was always brimming with emotion that could bring him back from whatever serious pondering he was mulling over. Kagome could voice the things he wanted to say, and he could provide the love she needed.
She’d been his life, and when she’d died, it’d ruined him.
But there she was, a few paces away from him in a modern Tokyo grocery store. She chortled as she danced in a circle, proudly holding up a leek she’d found for her mother. Her tiny legs, still round with baby fat, tapped out an unsteady beat as she marched over to her mother, presented the prize, and bowed.
If he weren’t so surprised, he would’ve been incredibly amused by the similarities between what she’d just done and the presentation ceremony of an inuyoukai’s first hunt. He had fond memories of practicing the tradition as a pup.
He watched Kagome’s mother take the leek and pat her daughter’s head with smile. Mrs. Higurashi was swollen with child, and Sesshomaru was struck doubly by the particular moment in time. Kagome had told him about her life, so he knew she’d lost her father as a child. Her mother, who had still been nursing her newborn brother, was shattered by the loss and moved in with her father in law to help Kagome’s coping process. He felt a pang of sympathy over the fact that the two women would be losing someone so important to them so soon, and he couldn’t do anything to stop it.
The flood of memories and emotions was almost too strong for Sesshomaru, and he clutched his shopping bag tightly. It was painful to remember.
He knew his mate—or rather, his almost mate—had been from the future, and as the years had drawn closer to the general time period she’d given him he’d decided he wanted to leave Tokyo before he saw her. It would be too painful to watch her grow up and live her life when he knew he’d lose her again. He wouldn’t tamper with the timeline he’d already lived through, but that didn’t mean he wanted to observe it playing out.
Obviously he’d miscalculated. The choice now was to stay or to go.
He turned his back on the woman and child and began to walk away before he heard Mrs. Higurashi call out.
“No, Kagome!”
A little hand caught the fabric of his pant leg and tugged. He slowly lowered his gaze to see Kagome, bright blue eyes just as piercing and striking as he remembered, looking up at him. She was too good to be true, and his broken heart beat once.
She was too tangible, too real, too exactly like he remembered and he needed to see more of her. She was just a child, but he already saw the small parts of her that would grow to make her the woman he once knew.
Her tiny tanned face broke into a wide smile, and his heart began to beat again. She was so precious.
Her mother came over and apologized for her, and then they left him alone once more, but it didn’t matter. It was too late for him. He needed this last remnant of her before she was gone from the world completely. Though it might destroy him beyond repair, he would keep her from harm and watch over her as she grew. Sesshomaru would become her silent protector, watching from afar but never known. It would be his last gift to her.
…
“Do you believe in soulmates?” She whispered from across the bed. Moonlight filled the room peacefully and he turned to look at her as she began playing with a strand of his hair.
“I mean, do you think we have just one soulmate, or is it possible to have a soulmate for just a moment in time? To be completely right for one person at a point in your life, but then at another be completely wrong?”
He watched her face flicker over several emotions, and he hummed. “I think it is possible to be right for different people during different periods of your life.”
Kagome frowned slightly, her eyebrows puckering. “Do you think there could be a time in your life when you’re perfect for no one?”
He shook his head, and touched her hand. “I do not think it is about being perfect for someone else, but rather about someone else being right for you. So yes, I think there are times in our lives when we should not be with someone because it is not healthy for ourselves.”
“But doesn’t everyone need someone?”
“Sometimes all we need is a friend.”
Her face lit up, and she looked at him in wonder. “I think you’re absolutely right!”
He smiled just for her and fingered a lock of her hair. “I think it is possible to have those two different kinds of soulmates.”
“You do?”
“Yes.”
After a moment of studying the stripes on his wrist, she whispered again. “Why?”
“Proof.”
“Oh?” She looked at him suspiciously and he chuckled.
“I think it is possible to move in and out of relationships that could be the best thing for you at that moment in your life, but there could also be one person who will always be right for you. While you could be happy with others, it is only with that one person you could be the best version of yourself.”
She bit her lip, and shuffled across the bed to kiss his cheek. He pulled her close and nuzzled the spot in her neck he’d sucked on but an hour before.
“That was surprisingly long-winded for you.”
“I have my moments.”
She kissed him again, and tasted of smiles.
“I believe in reincarnation,” she murmured. “So in my next life, find me. Because if you’re my perfect soulmate now, then you’ll be my perfect soulmate then. And I want to be the best version of myself, after all.”
“You have my word.”
…
Kagome grew too quickly. She was barely out of diapers before she went off to preschool, it seemed to Sesshomaru. Her mother had only just retired her black mourning clothes before she’d found a new job in the outskirts of Tokyo. Kagome couldn’t even sit still and she was already being taught classes in the elementary school.
He had weekly encounters with the Higurashi family. He looked no different than any other neighbor on the street, concealing his youki and strange features, even going so far as to illusion himself shorter than his actual height. He went to great lengths not to be noticed, meeting them in food stores, clothing shops, movie theaters and various other locations. More than once it occurred to him that what he was doing crossed the boundary of sane, however he reasoned that what he was doing actually helped them.
He’d saved Mrs. Higurashi from being mugged twice, and retrieved her stolen purse from her once. He’d shown grandfather his way back to the shire during his first mental lapse, which was discovered to be the early stages of amnesia that after being caught was successfully prevented. Sesshomaru also helped grandpa Higurashi get several good bargains on big purchase items for their home, like the new tv and couch, that had saved them quite a bit of money.
He’d saved Souta from being run over by a car, which was perhaps the scariest one of all the instances, due to the family’s father’s demise. He left regular offerings to the shrine and had once saved the kitten buyo from being chased by a rabid fox.
As for the deeds he’d done to help Kagome, there were just too many to count. Once in the grand supermarket that had opened up when she was five, he’d found her when she became separated from her mother and took her to the front of the store so they could call her mother over the loudspeaker to reunite them. He watched over her when she was six and ran away from home, and slept a small portion of the night in the slide of her neighborhood park’s slide. Dangerous street crawlers normally prowled the park at night, but that night they’d steered clear of the demon that had blocked their entrance to the place.
He counted her measured years, and found them to be all too few.
…
Kagome was shouting at Inuyasha again. The group, with Sesshomaru’s pack tagging along, had encountered a rogue cluster of wolves with a shard rampaging through a village. Inuyasha had carelessly fought the demon in the middle on the town, endangering the fleeing villagers and very nearly killing a helpless child who was watching. Kagome had rescued the girl, just barely, after having fought off one of the wolves with Sango’s help.
“I can’t believe how stupid you were! How thoughtless! You were so single-mindedly fighting off the wolf with the shard that you almost killed someone! No shard will ever be worth killing some innocent bystander.”
“Everything worked out fine in the end,” Inuyasha grumbled and Kagome whipped her head around furiously.
“Are you serious!?! Just because it worked out this time, doesn’t mean it’ll work out next time! You’re so irresponsible!”
“I’m just sayin’ you got nothin’ to complain about, wench! We have the shard, the kid’s okay… so why are you yelling?!”
She seethed murderously, her rage making her scent spike and her powers brim to the surface of her skin.
“SIT!”
Inuyasha whammed forcefully to the ground and Kagome turned on her heel, storming away. Sesshomaru was sitting underneath a tree observing the spectacle when she approached him in her rage.
“And you!” She whipped her finger out and pointed at him angrily. He was so surprised at her sudden anger towards himself he forgot to ignore her.
“You’re a real laugh riot! You prance around acting as if you’re the best—you’re the best leader and you’re the strongest warrior—but I didn’t see you do anything to help out that girl today either! You act like you’re all that but you don’t notice those who are below you! If you think that makes you a better, more elite youkai, then you’re a fool. You had the ability to save that girl and you didn’t. Now that’s truly horrible.”
She stormed off into the woods, leaving Sesshomaru shocked and just a little bit bewildered.
By dinnertime she’d returned, but his thoughts were in no more order than they were when she’d left. He’d had much to think about and little time to decide what to do.
Over the past few weeks she’d slowly drawn him into real conversation, and he’d found her to be intelligent and interesting. She was well educated and knew about sciences he hadn’t thought about before. She’d given him lessons on space, and what she’d called galaxies, along with physics and the chemistry of matter and molecules. In return, he’d given her lessons on the finer tastes of his culture, describing the grand epics of his people, traditionally sung during the festivals of the equinoxes, and youkai literature. She was fascinated by their poetry, which used different types of structure than the humans of the time period.
He’d found a lively companion, and she’d found a curious listener. He’d assumed that she’d never dare challenge or yell at him the way she did his half-brother, because he was far more powerful than she, but she’d proven him wrong again. And then, he’d assumed she’d forgive him when the hanyou came to her with his tail between his legs and begged for forgiveness, but she hadn’t.
He watched her finish cooking that night’s meal and begin passing it around the humans. Rin chattered with Shippo, the taijia and the monk sat in comfortable silence, and Kagome discussed the upcoming days plan with Inuyasha. All but he had been invited to the supper, and he sat beneath the tree watching from afar.
As the night turned darker and the humans pulled out their camping supplies, Sesshomaru made his decision. He approached her with power and confidence in his gait, and stopped right at the edge of her sleeping bag. He looked down, she glanced up.
“I have reflected on my actions today and found them to be less than satisfactory.”
She blinked and then smiled. “Thank you, Sesshomaru.”
He nodded and then walked away.
Inuyasha snickered in the background. “Told you Kagome could get him to apologize.”
…
It had been the first of many times her rage would fall upon him. It was easy to come; quick to go and he loved her for it. She humbled him and didn’t hesitate to show him his faults, but never held grudges and would quickly apologize when she said things that were uncalled for. In return, she listened with the same respect he gave her when he called her out on her own shortcomings.
Every now and then he’d come across Kagome as a child forming this forceful part of her personality, calling for justice from her classmates during recess and games. She defended her quiet classmates against those who would hurt them and his heart warmed.
So she’d always been like that. From day one she’d been just as compassionate and wonderful as she’d been the day he’d met her.
Occasionally he’d find her in a silly predicament, the young girl slipping in a puddle and falling on her face, leaving the bathroom with her skirt tucked in her underwear, or even secretively stealing her brother’s GI-joe action figures to play house with for her Barbie’s. The only thing he wished for at those moments with such a force it seemed unimaginable was to have the older version of Kagome sitting alongside him, and being able to laugh at her youthful hardships together. Oh how he longed to her that laugh…
When she went thought puberty he thought he might die of laughter. Though not prone to laughing at his love’s embarrassments, she was an absolute riot at twelve. Constantly fluttering between moods and making big deals out of the smallest things, he began to truly understand what she had meant when she had told him she hoped their children were nothing like her.
…
“I want our kids to be like you,” she murmured against his cheek as they sat together in his garden. He raised an eyebrow, because he knew she couldn’t possibly mean that. He, though happy with himself, didn’t want to see his children be as reserved as he was.
“I don’t understand your meaning.” He admitted after a moment.
“Well, I don’t think we want them to be like me,” she touched his markings, “and you are perfect…”
“Why should they not be like you?”
She giggled and continued stroking his marking on his face, much to his embarrassment. She had every knowledge of what stroking those markings did to him, yet she did it anyways, out in the public garden where all of his servants could see. However he found he had no will to stop her.
“I was such a menace as a kid. Wow, you probably would’ve found it so funny but I really was.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“No, I was! I was a horror to my mother—you should’ve seen me during puberty. I was the worst about my boobs, actually. When they started to come in I was so conflicted over whether I wanted them or not. I swear, one day I’d go to school in a sports bra to flatten them out, and the next I’d come in with a padded bra to make them look larger. I must’ve made everyone in my class think they were going insane!”
She laughed again, full and sweet and he brought her closer to him.
“I find your breasts to be a wonderful size. I’m glad you are no longer so unhappy with them.”
Kagome turned to look at him and raised an eyebrow. “I know they’re not perfect, but they’re all I have. You don’t have to pretend, I’m sure the other demonesses you’ve slept with were prettier, but you’re stuck to me. Or you will be, in a couple months.”
He groaned at the thought. He would respect his mate-to-be’s wishes and not mate her until she was twenty, but they’d already been courting for two years and he had waited so long. In her own words, she’d remarked to him more than once that he deserved a medal of honor for such restraint. Especially since they’d been having sex for a year, yet she hadn’t allowed him to mark her.
“You are far better than any past lover.” How she could even make the comparison was beyond him. Where she was full of life, continually giving and receiving happily, the other demonesses he’d considered courting where cold and calculating.
She huffed, however, and said, “I know you like me better, but you know I don’t like you lying about how pretty I am or anything. I know who I am, and I’m fine with it.”
He kissed her neck chastising. “That you still do not understand my addiction to your body is absurd. I love your curves and legs, and especially your breasts, which are the perfect size for me to cup in my hands. Any larger would be not as satisfactory.”
He gently opened the top of her kimono and bent his head down, kissing the top of one of her breasts. She blushed bright red and closed her kimono quickly, hissing at him embarrassedly, “We’re in the garden!”
He smirked, and whispered, “And also, Kagome, you know I never lie.”
…
He watched her as an adolescent do exactly as she’d described to him, constantly switching between attempting to erase her budding breasts and enhancing them. He found it endearing, to watch this moment of her life play out before him.
Then one day when she was fourteen, he heard a sound that made his heart stop. He had been walking down the road on his way back from work, which also coincided with Kagome’s route back to her home after school. She was walking along with a friend, and the girl said something that made Kagome laugh. Her voice, deepened slightly from maturity, made the exact laugh Sesshomaru had fallen in love with. She was still a child, he knew, but she was also blossoming into the woman he’d known.
Her life was passing by so quickly.
Sesshomaru immediately called up the firm he’d been working at and quit. Then, reviving some of his old degrees he’d acquired ten years ago when he’d reunited with Kagome in case of an emergency, he submitted his resume to her school. She would be going into her sophomore year, which meant this was the year she’d being time traveling. She needed to have an understanding teacher… one who could assure she’d make it to junior year successfully while balancing her double life.
He’d studied many things throughout his life, but the tedious nature of restudying them in college had been irritating. He’d gotten a degree in teaching, economics, history, the sciences, English and Japanese, and even became a lawyer just for the chance that the need arose. It had been a long process, and he’d even had to go to seven different colleges at the same time to complete the degrees, but he didn’t require sleep and the busy schedule kept him occupied.
And it was much easier than trying to outmaneuver the humans and falsify the documents. This way, at the very least he was honest.
When her school called him up for an interview he made it impossible for them to reject him. The very next semester he started as her general teacher, teaching her history and acting as her homeroom teacher.
And the experience was thrilling. He knew he wouldn’t make much of an impact on her life, and yet he did. He watched her interact with her friends and learn new things. Sesshomaru saw how she excelled in some of her studies, and lacked in others (much to his chagrin, her worst subject was history, despite the fact that she was and would become a living legend herself). It was a beautifully captured moment, right as she was on the cusp of being a young adult, yet still innocent and untouched by the cruelties of the world.
…
“Higurashi-san?”
She was sitting at her desk with silent tears, the afternoon sun filling the classroom and making it uncomfortably warm. Spring was rolling into summer and Kagome was a month away from being fifteen, which would mark a very important turn in her life. She was still just as enthusiastic about school as she’d been since a child, so discovering her staying late in the classroom was no unordinary thing. Often, she would linger much longer after club activities at the school, finishing her homework before she went home and it was not unheard of for him to return to the classroom while she worked to help her. But this time was much, much different.
She was crying. And alone. Kagome was not frequently alone.
She glanced at him after hearing her name, and embarrassedly wiped at her tears. He walked closer to where she was sitting at her desk.
“Is something the matter?”
“Oh,” she waved a hand and a couple more tears leaked out, “it’s no big deal. Sorry to worry you, Sensei.”
“Do you require aid? Are you hurt?”
“No, no,” her voice broke a little, “I’m healthy. It’s just—”
She took an unsteady breath and he allowed himself closer, sitting down at the desk across from her. Kagome met his eyes and he nodded.
“If you wish to talk about it, I am here, Higurashi.”
“My dad died today,” she looked out the window at the orange sun.
He nodded again in sympathy. The date was burned into the back of his mind.
“It happened a long time ago, but it still hurts. I wish I’d had more time with him, you know? I can barely remember him now.”
“Death is a difficult thing to recover from.” He offered.
Her bitter smile pained his heart. “All of my other friends have fathers. They’re always there, at birthday parties and what not, happy to spend time with their daughters and I don’t know, I’m jealous. I know my dad would be here if he could, but I can’t help but feel like I’m being cheated.”
He hummed, and decided to share with her. “I understand the feeling. I too lost my father when I was young.”
“Really? I’m so sorry. How old were you?”
“Just barely older than yourself.”
“I’m so sorry. I suppose it was easier for me because I didn’t really understand it when it happened.”
He shook his head. “My father died a very long time ago, yet the pain is still fresh at times. It fades, but remains.”
He thought about losing her. Though she sat in front of him, full and alive, the wound of her death still ached in the back of his mind.
“It seems in life you never have enough time with the ones you love. Upon their death, and remembering them, you are forced to reconcile with the fact that you’ll never have more time. Which is why it is important to cherish what has already come to pass.”
Kagome smiled, and more tears fell down her cheeks. “Thank you, Sensei. I should probably go home to my mom now. But thank you very much for your kind words.”
He nodded. “Hn. Go comfort your mother and family.”
She gathered her things and waved goodbye to him.
Sesshomaru sat in silence as he acknowledged the fact that he wouldn’t have much time left with her. This would be the end, for real.
…
“Kagome, please. Do not go.”
She had her back to him, looking in a mirror fixing her hair into a ponytail. He lounged on their bed, watching her prepare a small bag for traveling. He frowned, but she remained chipper and hurried.
“I have to, Sesshomaru. I can’t believe it’s been this long already! I haven’t seen my mother in three months! She’s probably worried.”
“Yes, but can’t it be delayed a week more? I wished to spend your birthday with you. And, in case you have forgotten, we are to mate in three days.”
“And I’ll be back in two days! Honestly, I just am so ashamed with myself that I forgot to see her, and you know that my birthday is just as much about her as it is about me. I haven’t visited modern Tokyo in months. I want to use a flush toilet for a day.”
“We married in your human fashion yesterday. We are on our honeymoon,” he retorted suggestively. Kagome harrumphed.
“At the very least let me escort you to the well.”
“No, you’ve got business here,” she threw back and finished packing her bag. “And I’m trained in combat and spiritual powers. No human or demon can best me.”
“That’s not true,” he pointed out.
“It’s almost true,” she posed with her hand on her hip. Sesshomaru sighed.
“Very well, if I cannot stop you, then I should let you go. Return to me quickly, my love.” He rose out of bed and kissed her thoroughly. She relaxed into him, forgetting herself for a few moments of bliss, and then pulled away.
“I’d better go.”
“Be careful,” he heeded, and watched her leave. He had reassured himself with the idea of their mating in three days time.
…
When she didn’t return he sent out a search party immediately. Sensing something was deeply wrong, he left the castle, with words of comfort to Rin before he left, and began searching himself. Inuyasha found her before he did.
Kagome was a powerful miko and skilled in combat. She was strong and lithe, and quick, but not even she was a match for the forces of nature. She’d been traveling during a rainstorm and had slipped and fallen into a river.
When she’d died, he lost himself. First it was months of numb pain. Then he began wishing for the courage to die.
It was Inuyasha, after a prompting from a fearful ten-year old Rin, who brought him back from that edge.
“You think she’d want you to do that? Leave us, while we’re also in pain from the loss?”
He didn’t respond, merely continued to look out the window of his bedroom at the lifeless scenery.
“Just how selfish are you? We are all hurt by this—not just you. And now you want to take yourself from us? No one with honor dies like that.”
Sesshomaru stirred, anger almost touching him. He was too numb, though. “How selfish will you be, Inuyasha? To make a man live when he has nothing to live for.”
“You have everything to live for! You have her memory, you have us, and you have Rin to take care of! Your life has just barely started, and you want to die.”
“I’ve lived for centuries.”
“And you can live for many more.”
Sesshomaru remained silent and Inuyasha broke down. “You can’t kill yourself. Do you think she would’ve wanted this? Do you think she would’ve wanted this!?”
Inuyasha left quietly to calm down on his own and Sesshomaru was lost again. When he awoke in the morning he had nothing to say. Inuyasha took one look at him and touched his shoulder.
“It’ll be hard—this getting back on your feet business—but you can do it.”
Sesshomaru never understood how Inuyasha figured out his decision, but he remained a part of the living long after even Inuyasha himself died.
Longevity was a curse.
…
He could feel it in his bones the first time she’d time traveled. The air seemed to have more magic in it, on her fifteenth birthday, and he could see what she was experiencing in his mind’s eye. Feudal Japan in it’s prime.
She was different when she came back, just a little more mature and a little more confident. He watched as her absences increased and her grades started slipping, but when she returned to school, and returned to him, he saw that her smile had grown wider, and happier. Her life was exciting and interesting, and she enjoyed it. He could not begrudge her any of her happiness.
When her grade in History began slipping he found he couldn’t resist giving her small bonus points to increase it. Extra credit questions on the back of their tests pertaining to mythology and feudal japan. What was an inuyokai? What was the maximum amount of tails a kitsune could achieve?
With a smug smile he wrote a new bonus question on the blackboard. “Frequently we must remember that our stories of mythology were closely linked to actual history. Whoever can answer this question will receive ten bonus points on their next test, which will be covering Ancient Egypt.”
The class leaned forward in their chairs, and he read the question. “Who was the Youkai Lord of the West in Japan five hundred years ago?”
The entire class groaned, no one having the slightest clue, and Kagome looked at him in shock. Tentatively, she raised her hand.
“Higurashi-san?”
“Erm, I’m just guessing, but was his name Sesshomaru?”
Sesshomaru smirked, the hilarity of the moment almost too much for him. To hear her say his name again was like bliss, and he nodded. “Yes, you are correct.”
The class grumbled at the unfairness, and Kagome blushed furiously at the questions her classmates threw at her. He calmed the class down and moved on with the lesson, the bonus entirely forgotten.
…
Then the school year ended and the next began, and he was only able to see her in passing. She always greeted him when she saw him in the hallways, and he would nod in greeting. He watched from afar once more as she grew older, and more beautiful.
He noticed when Inuyasha broke her heart, her expression worn out and tired. He worried and wished he could comfort her, but knew his place. And anyways, he was far too old for her at this rate. She was a high school student and he was over a thousand. Numbers didn’t compare any longer.
Then suddenly she was seventeen and he was immensely jealous of his past self. He saw the way her face livened and brightened once more, with the prospect of their blossoming relationship. He’d been about twenty in human years and she’d been almost a senior when they’d begun their quiet friendship.
And Sesshomaru was so envious. In her life, she was returning to feudal Japan to have riveting and stimulating conversations with him. In her life, the Sesshomaru of the past had no clue what the relationship was doing to him, slowly opening up his heart.
Oh, how he ached to keep her here, in modern Tokyo. It would be so much safer for her. She would have a real life, and a real future. If he could keep her here, away from his past self, maybe she could live.
But he was doomed to watching it all play out once more. Helpless against the chain of events in time. Long ago, she’d whispered to him one quiet night that she’d lively her life exactly how she’d wanted to, and she wouldn’t have changed a thing. He wouldn’t take that life from her.
So he continued to watch from afar, until she was eighteen and a senior and he was assigned to teach her history class once more. The year passed quickly and he could smell his scent on her heavier and heavier each time she returned to the present.
Sesshomaru of the present noticed exactly when Sesshomaru of the past had kissed her first, and their courtship had begun. Kagome was lively and excited to talk about the romance with her friends, and missed school more frequently than ever.
Then suddenly her life was on fast forward and Sesshomaru was grasping at threads, falsifying her history grade so she could graduate and then she did.
She graduated.
Her mother gave her a bouquet and her grandfather kissed her cheek. Her family of three sat in the crowd and cheered when she walked across the stage to receive her diploma. Sesshomaru shook her hand and he saw the glitter of happy tears in her blue eyes.
This was the woman he’d loved.
This was the woman he would be letting go.
…
Months later he made a visit to the shrine and saw her sweeping the deck. His sharp nose picked up his own scent on her quickly, and his eyes widened.
“Oh hello, Sensei! What brings you to sunset shrine?”
He was distracted, his mind caught in the night that she’d just experienced. He could smell his own scent on her, very intimately, and very strongly. She’d just returned from a trip to feudal Japan, and just returned from losing her virginity. He could spot the mark he’d left on the high part of her neck, not a mating bite but a lover’s bite, and her hair looked just as smooth and glossy as he remember. She’d been so reserved at first, embarrassed to be naked in front of him, embarrassed to see him naked. But those feelings had quickly disappeared, replaced by more passionate ones…
She cleared her throat, and raised an eyebrow at his lack of a response.
“Hello, Higurashi-san, I was just here to make an offering.” Kagome smiled and thanked him.
“We appreciate regular visitors. Mama said you’ve been coming here for a while. Are you very religious?”
He was no more or less religious than the next man, but he believed in the Kami she believed in. He’d had to, when she’d died.
“Someone very close to me was.”
“Oh,” she paused after a moment, brow puckering, “are they gone now?”
“Yes.”
“My condolences.”
“It was a long time ago.”
She smiled faintly, remembering the time he had comforted her over her father’s death. “That doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt. Who was it?”
“She was my wife.”
“Oh. I’m very sorry.”
She looked at him thoughtfully for a long time, and murmured, “You must’ve loved her a great deal. I’m sure she still loves you very much, wherever she is. And if it means anything to you, Sensei, I’m sure she’d be glad you’ve been living such a meaningful life. Teaching the next generation is very commendable.”
Sesshomaru nodded, his throat tight. It felt like a blessing to have her consoling him over her own death. The emotions it stirred in him were both painful and beautiful, and he took a deep breath to steady himself. This was her message to him from the beyond. This was what he’d been waiting for.
He walked away from the shrine after polite goodbyes, his mind far away. His felt so intensely, felt the burden from living so long, light in his heart from his love’s last message to him, and bittersweet with the memory of the life he’d lived.
It hadn’t been all that bad, after all.
He’d raised Rin, and watched Inuyasha meet the love of his life and start a family. He protected his friends and family and took care of their children, grandchildren, and everyone after them. His life had been devoted to others, in Kagome’s spirit, and that was what he found gratifying at the end of the day. He couldn’t live his life with her, so he had lived it for her, the way she would’ve wanted him to live it.
…
When she made her last jump through the well, Sesshomaru had cried. He watched her from the shadows of the Goshinbuko tree as she kissed her mother goodbye and jumped. His entire figure had crumpled to the ground and for a second it was all too much. He was raw, and his heart ruined, with hot, unfamiliar tears running down his cheeks.
Eventually he forgot to conceal his true form, and everything billowed out, his silver hair long and brushing over his back, mokomoko spilling around him. Mrs. Higurashi, alerted to the spiritual flux, exited the shrine and spotted him by the well.
“Hello?” She prodded quietly, unsure whether she should disturb the obviously grieving youkai.
He looked at her, shame and grief in his eyes. He should’ve been there to protect her. He shouldn’t have let her go. She died. Her life was over.
Mrs. Higurashi noticed the pain in his eyes and recognized the fierce aching of mourning. She knelt down beside the youkai and touched her hand to his shoulder, her own eyes filling with tears.
“It’s Kagome, isn’t it? She’s never coming back, is she?”
Sesshomaru nodded, and watched the woman’s face swell with pain that mirrored his own. She fell apart and began crying, with heavy, labored breaths, and Sesshomaru made a decision.
He stood up, and offered the woman his hand. Helping her up, he wiped a tear from her eye. “Do not mourn for your daughter. She lived a wonderful life, and would’ve wanted you to be happy for her.”
“Are you Sesshomaru? She told me you two were very much in love.”
“Yes, we were.” He dried another tear of his mother-in-law’s.
“Did you have children?” She asked hopefully.
Sesshomaru’s heart broke, and he shook his head, “No, but we wanted to very much. Instead we raised a young girl whose village was slaughtered when she was a child. Her name was Rin. We also raised an orphaned kitsune named Shippo, who she had adopted before we married.”
Mrs. Higurashi’s heart warmed and she smiled. “Thank you. Thank you for making her happy, and thank you for telling me.”
She hugged him, and he allowed it. He kept his answers short so mama Higurashi wouldn’t ever find out how short Kagome’s life had been—no, that would be his burden alone to bear—but he stayed honest.
After a long moment of reconciliation, Mrs. Higurashi broke apart from Sesshomaru and smiled. “Well, I’m making udon tonight. Would you like to come for dinner?”
He tilted his head in acceptance.
…
He had watched over the Higurashi family for a very long time. Sesshomaru stayed in Tokyo much longer than he’d intended to after Kagome had died, and stayed the silent protector of the Higurashi family long after even Souta had died. He made sure Souta’s family never wanted for anything, and even years after they too had forgotten about him, he watched.
And then Souta’s line died out with a young man who died in a fire, and Sesshomaru was lost yet again. Without a friend to his name and a purpose to his soul, he continued teaching listlessly for a few years, before quitting the school system entirely.
He moved back to the world of youkai, calling out to the last survivors of his once proud race, asking them to band together. He amassed names and created a council where they could protect the last youkai of the world. There had been a surprising number of halfblood hanyou running about that hadn’t been counted in the youkai population before, and he made certain that they received the same care that the rest of their race got.
And then, one day when his life had begun to hold purpose once more, but with the ever present pang of loneliness he held in his heart, he heard it again.
That sweet, lovely laugh he thought he’d forgotten.
It was the barest whisper of an echo to his senses and he ignored it, for he was no stranger to hallucinations of her.
Sesshomaru lounged in the chain he’d been sitting in for a quiet moment longer, enjoying the silence of the library. Though most books were digital with the modern age, and he found all the new technology ever more easy and difficult to use, libraries still remained as a relic from the past. He cherished the ability to hold the book as he read it and true, his selection of books he’d amassed over the years what far greater than this simple library’s, he enjoyed the companionship of the library. Knowing that no one would bother him here yet he could also find a welcoming stranger to read alongside of was a comfort he frequently indulged in.
When he heard her joyous, bubbling laugh once more, just tickling the edges of his hearing, he set his book down and got up from the chair. He meandered through the stacks and shelves of books and wandered towards the bathroom. He needed solitude to compose himself for a moment.
He passed a group of giggling girls and an old lady with a scandalizing romance novel and set his sight on the men’s room.
The hallucination grew stronger when he heard her voice call out, “Sesshomaru?”
He shook his head, it having been a very long time since he’d had a vision this strong. Kami it was painful to hear her voice.
“Sesshomaru!”
He felt caged and short of breath. He was supposed to be dignified and calm, but he could barely control himself. He needed the solitude of the bathroom quickly, before he lost his composure in the middle of a human library.
He opened the door and slammed it shut locking it. A quiet knock sounded.
“Don’t make me come in there, please. I mean, it is you, right? I saw your eyes and I just… I think so.”
Her voice was insistent and he was going crazy but she sounded so torn and self-conscious that he did it. He gave into his hallucination and opened the door.
A petite girl with light brown hair was standing outside the door. She looked up at him with bright blue, knowing eyes.
His heart stopped, and she broke into a smile.
“It is you!”
Her arms were around him faster than he could react and she kissed him long and hard.
“I’ve missed you, darling.”
...
I hope you liked the oneshot, this was just something quick I wrote up while I was working on my other pieces. I tried to give it a happy ending (that's Kagome's reincarnation at the end, in case it wasn't clear! And she remembers!). Anyways thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it!