A/N This is my first story. I wrote it after reading another parody. Special thanks to c2t2, author of "The Ubiquitous Plot - A Parody", the inspiration for writing this story when I should have been in bed. For encouraging me to post and being my beta, and extra special thanks to Akumi.
Runaway
He had seen his hanyou brother with the undead miko. Thoroughly disgusted that his own blood would engage in such activities with the walking clay pot, he silently waked back to where the toad was being tormented by the young Rin with daisy chains. He wished to be gone before the cur could catch his scent and further demonstrate what a disgrace he is.
She ran as fast as she could back in the direction of the well, but for some reason, she didn't jump in. She passed through the clearing and burst into the youkai infested woods. Even the sting on her arms and mostly bare legs being slapped by vines, ferns and small tree branches wasn't enough to shock her back to some sanity. Even the scrape of the thorny bush against her thigh, ripping the hem of her skirt did not bring the futuristic miko to her senses. Somehow she managed to not run into anything big enough to knock her down as her tears nearly blinded her, so she kept going. She just had to get away! The sight of her precious doggie-eared heartthrob writhing on top of his former love was just too much for her delicate mind to handle.
Finally, the dumb luck that allowed her to get this far and bloody without face planting into the forest floor caught up with her. She stepped into a dip in the ground with one foot and tripped over a small downed tree, with the next step falling face first into a mossy puddle of muck. Her fortune hadn't completely run out, as her face had fallen into a mossy rise above the liquid muck, which was mostly around her chest area. Her legs were still on the log, thus elevated into the air, until gravity called them down into a big pile of boar shit, turning her body slightly to the side. She passed out from the shock.
Sesshoumaru was about ten paces from where the clearing where he could see Jaken picking daisies and dandelions out of the staff of two heads, Rin adorning Ah-un's bridles with the same flowers. He then heard a crashing through the woods ending in a sickening squishy spat and decided to satisfy his ever present curiosity. Just what could be that loud and clumsy?
His stoic mask almost slipped when he saw the onna passed out in the puddle of stinky forest goo, better not fully identified, with her too-short kimono flipped up over her back. He simply couldn't discern what could have lead to this, especially since the scene was finally getting to him after looking at it for more than a few heartbeats. His shoulders jumped as an odd strangled "hnmpf" escaped him. He lifted his hand to his mouth to stifle any more sounds of the like from ruining his image. The miko stirred.
She cracked open her eye to see a big leaf two feet from her face with a dung beetle hauling its load around it. She moved her upper body slightly away from the icky poop bug and felt the mud squish between her breasts. She let out a discontent groan at the sensation. She got an elbow underneath herself and lifted up with a sick sucking slop sound. While she was trying to find a sturdy place to locate her strangely slippery feet, she heard the strangest strangled chortle coming from her in front of her. She froze. Youkai! And a strong one! Oh, no! Inuyasha would never save her now, not while he's so preoccupied! More tears rolled down her face as she looked toward the sound.
His hand had not been enough to contain his reaction to seeing the strange girl trying to place her shit covered footwear on some solid ground. The boar waste was smeared across the log and onto her own not-so-white-anymore socks. She spotted him and he froze.
She couldn't believe it! She rubbed her eyes with her not so clean hand and a slightly more blurred Sesshoumaru still stood before her. Well if death was coming to her today, at least it had a beautiful face... and was he really laughing? Did hell freeze over too? She opened her mouth and after a few false starts, blurted out, "What are you doing!?"
An elegant eyebrow was elevated. Sesshoumaru lowered his hand as he said, "Discovering how well matched you and my baka half-brother are. Tell me miko, what are you doing?"
Kagome's eyes blurred and cleared as the tears washed away the muck. "I hate him! I can't believe he would do that with her! Didn't he know how that would make me feel? I'm never going to be able to look at him again! I think I'm going to be sick!"
Sesshoumaru stepped back. "Humans are so strange. This Sesshoumaru has never before encountered one quite as strange as you, miko." He turned and walked a few paces. Looking over his shoulder he asked, "What is so heart-breaking about arm wrestling?"