Cravings by hikari hime

Paradise lost

Title: Paradise Lost.

Author: Hikari Hime

Theme: Oneshot contest on LJ 'dokuga_contest' community; prompt #11: Forgotten

Genre: Drama, Angst

Universe: Canon Universe

Rating: M (it raised the serial's rating)

Warnings: Blood and angst. Loads of it. This piece is very hard. Blame it on my mood...

Word Count: 934

A/N: Ninth installment of 'Cravings'. Thank you Lux Ken for your wonderful help XD

A/A/N (Another Author Note): This piece reached the second place of the dokuga_contest poll. Thank you for all who voted!! XD

It had been three years, three long years since that discussion in the clearing. Kagome had faced the reality of her situation, had understood it, had pondered about what her next course of action should be... and had made a decision.

Your future is already written before your birth, they say. But what happens when some innocent schoolgirl falls into an enchanted well, travels through time, wakes up a hanyo and shatters a magic bauble?

Kagome had the answer to that question three years ago. Or so she had thought.

But then, she was also stubborn.

Time and Fate were fickle lovers, really. After all, the heroine was supposed to have her 'happily ever after' with her prince. She was supposed to smile and laugh. She was supposed to have white-haired, puppy-eared children running all over the place.

She was supposed to be in love with her husband, to fight by his side for ever and ever. They were supposed to resolve each and every problem they had together, hand in hand.

Inuyasha, the hero, was not supposed to leave her in the middle of the night while she suffered through yet another miscarriage.

After all, it was only her fourth. Perhaps he had thought she was used to it by now, and he would come back when all the blood had been cleaned from their shared hut.

Perhaps he wanted her to die, so that he could forget he ever had a wife to begin with?

But she, Kagome, hadn't forgotten. She hadn't forgotten that she had a duty, a husband. She had stayed by his side when - really - she should have left. She had sacrificed so much for him that her once loving heart was now hollow inside.

She was empty, and what was the point in living when one's body was only a soulless shell?

Those were Kagome's thoughts as she looked dispassionately at the blood seeping from between her thighs. Another life leaving her, another death on her conscience, another child lost. Fortunately, it was early in the pregnancy, so she wouldn't have another little lifeless body to bury next to the others. That had been the hardest part the other three times she had killed her own offspring.

A murderer. That's what she was. After all, she knew that, each and every time she let her husband sate his beast, any possible pups that resulted from their union wouldn't make it. Sesshomaru had said so, and he had no reason to lie to her. She had tried to take some plants to avoid pregnancy, but unfortunately those proved far from infaillible.

She had fled the sorrow-painted faces of her friends a long time ago. The only one who still came to see her from time to time was Rin, and only then probably to check if she was still alive.

And, of course, there was Sesshomaru. But the reason for his presence was still a mystery to the ex-miko. He never talked to her - he only showed up once a month, within 'sniffing' distance, always when Inuyasha was away hunting, before wordlessly disappearing back into the forest.

There was no disapproval nor disdain in his eyes. He knew what duty was. He had known she wouldn't flee or hide from it. He had known she would be herself, as stubborn as always, and stay. Mortals were foolish - no surprise there.

Kagome turned her head to her right when she heard the scraping of bare feet and claws on the wooden floor of her home. She hadn't even realised she was lying down until then, her eyes glazed over from the loss of blood. She saw two pairs of legs standing before her, one clad in red, nervous and unsure like a young kid; the other in white, two straight, unmoving pillars of strength.

They didn't speak - perhaps they thought she was sleeping? But who would sleep on a hard wooden floor, eyes still open? She was a little delusional, but she wasn't insane - she had always preferred a nice comfy bed, like the one she had had at home, with a soft mattress and pink cotton sheets.

Her consciousness was slipping, but she didn't really care. Perhaps, if she died, she would be able to see her mother again? Perhaps her mum would take her into the circle of her oh-so frail arms and protect her from the evil boogeymen? Perhaps then she could stop the pain? Mothers knew how to do that - soothe the heart, make the fears and the cries go away. Her mother had been her ultimate haven during their search for the shards, and the battle against Naraku.

Couldn't it be the same now?

But... the well was closed. She had wanted to see Inuyasha again. She had wanted to stay with him

She had wanted happiness.

She had a blood-soaked floor instead.

Life was unfair, really.

Strong arms lifted her weightless body, and she sighed. Was she dead already? But she wasn't even born yet...

''Mum?'' she asked in a slur.

A derisive snort answered her. Definitely not her mother.

''She's delusional, Sesshomaru-sama. She's lost too much blood,'' a soft feminine voice spoke from behind the being carrying her.

''You are aware of the consequences of your choice, half-breed?'' The smooth baritone rumbled through his chest, caressing the miko's fevered mind like a breeze, lulling her into sleep.

''I never wanted this for her,'' Inuyasha replied, sounding like a lost puppy

He had always sounded like a lost young boy, she realised before darkness claimed her.

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