AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Word Count: 4,397
Glossary:
Tenshi—Angel, Or Celestial Being
Fundoshi—A Type Of Loincloth
KAGOME HASTILY PLACED a staying hand on Sesshomaru’s arm. “Wait! I think he’s telling the truth!”
“You defend him?” The look in Sesshomaru’s eyes was foreboding. He was angry with her. No, furious.
“I’m not defending him,” she refuted with forced calm. “You’re torturing him. Unnecessarily.” Couldn’t he see the difference?
Onigumo was a villain, but Kagome refused to be a participant in such inhumanity.
“I am interrogating him. For you. Or have you forgotten that you came to me for aid in locating your sister?”
“This isn’t what I want!” she hissed, flinging her arm towards the injured man. Kagome found herself in a position she hated, where she was forced to protect the very person who’d condemned so many people to a brutal death, including those of her village. However, what Sesshomaru was doing was wrong. “Two wrongs do not make a right. What’s more, he’s cooperating. There’s no point harming him.”
“No point?” He gave her an incredulous look. “After all the harm he’s done to you?”
Kagome felt the prick of tears. She didn’t need the constant reminders of all that she’d lost. How was she to teach ethics to a creature who held human life in such low regard?
His words came back to taunt her. “I care not for your paltry understanding of morality, miko.”
She bit her lip, knowing he’d never listen. Not to her. Not about her own morals, and certainly not human ethics. Not after she’d been such a poor representation of virtue.
Why do I care anyway? she thought, baffled.
Being a miko, she sensed what he was. Even looking at him, at the strange markings upon his face, those predator’s eyes, his silver hair, and impossible perfection, there was no mistaking him for a mortal man. He was youkai, and she knew how they viewed humans. As insects. Play things. Food.
Humans were no different, seeing daemons as little more than ravaging beasts. All her life, she’d been raised to loath youkai. To eradicate them. Did she truly expect Sesshomaru to treat humans with any decency while not holding her fellow man to the same standard in their views towards daemons? Her own hypocrisy slammed into her in startling clarity.
There were good people in the world. Lately, she’s seen the worst of humanity, but, over the years, she had witnessed the best as well. People could be kind. Considerate. Compassionate. Loyal. Honest.
Were daemons capable of expressing similar traits?
Was Sesshomaru, if given half the chance?
Kaede’s sage words surfaced, mirroring countless of Kikyo’s teachings. “Be not deceived. Youkai are vile, evil creatures, Kagome. Their very beings are corrupt. Show no pity. No mercy.”
Why then did she feel this unsettling doubt?
Unable to hold Sesshomaru’s scathing gaze, Kagome looked away. Inwardly, a battle raged. Everything she’d been raised to believe to be true was suddenly not as black and white as they had always appeared on the surface. Regardless, she thought with a sinking feeling, she couldn’t teach this daemon anything.
Not about morality, perhaps, but she could correct him about one thing.
Her.
Kagome stiffened her spine. He’d only been partially correct. There was darkness inside her, kami forgive her, but there was goodness, too. That she could show him, starting now. Perhaps then, he would show her whatever goodness—if any—resided within him. Perhaps then they could come to a better understanding of each other. And put an end to this awful contract.
She leveled a calm look at Sesshomaru. “I see no benefit in needless torture.” Then she repeated his words back to him with solemn acceptance. “Even after all the harm he’s done.”
“You trust his word? By what reasoning? You have not the keen senses to perceive truth from deception.”
Sesshomaru’s remark was biting. And revealing.
Kagome’s stare sharpened on his face. “But you do, don’t you?” She spoke slowly, assessing him. “Somehow, you can tell when someone is being honest or not.”
Sesshomaru didn’t refute her. He said nothing at all, but suddenly, he grew very still.
“Is he being honest?”
Still no answer. The lack was answer enough.
“You caution me against falling for another’s deception, yet you seek to deceive me yourself.” Her accusation was spoken without heat, yet the knowledge pierced deeply. Kagome felt tricked. Manipulated. She didn’t know why she was so surprised. So hurt. She regretted every doubt she’d ever felt towards this despicable creature!
She was so angry, yet her voice was low. Strained. “Interesting. You hold others to a standard you yourself are not willing to follow.”
She laughed, the sound full of self-mockery. How alike she and this daemon was. How…lowering.
If Sesshomaru felt even a hint of conscious, he did not show it. Nor did he attempt to defend himself. And why would he if he felt no remorse?
Why did she?
Kagome turned away. Disgusted at him—and at herself. She should stop second guessing herself and her family’s teachings.
Just then, her gaze fell on Onigumo. The man appeared on the cusp of unconsciousness. Bloodied. Injured. His pitiful state made him seem less like a monster and more like any other wounded man in need of medical care.
Would he live?
Darkness whispered. Did she want him to?
Grimly, she accepted the truth. She did not care if Onigumo lived or died. Perhaps that made her a little bit of a monster, too. But not so monstrous that she sought to add to his injuries, or hasten him to death’s door.
“How fortunate for you to have a miko’s tender mercies.”
No doubt, Sesshomaru’s mockery was directed towards both she and the warlord. Kagome’s fists clenched, refusing to acknowledge the sting of his words.
There was yet awareness in Onigumo’s gaze as he flickered a hostile glance at the inugami for his taunt. “Quite.” An uncommonly meek response for the arrogant man.
Sesshomaru crackled his knuckles menacingly. “Your usefulness has come to an end.”
Kagome swallowed the sudden lump in her throat. Should she continue to intervene? She gazed down at Onigumo and inadvertently caught his eye. He must have seen her uncertainty.
“Will you really stand by and allow this youkai to murder me in cold blood while I am defenseless?”
Sesshomaru snorted. “Not even she would be so foolish as to save the life of the man how’d had her family murdered.”
Kagome winced, knowing that last comment was directed at her—a warning.
“Is there no mercy in you, miko?” Onigumo asked, voice weak, pained.
Sesshomaru answered for her. “You speak of mercy. Where was your mercy when you sacked her village? When you butchered the old and frail? She is homeless—because of you. Orphaned—because of you. I tire of your useless prattle.”
When Sesshomaru curled his arm, Kagome knew Onigumo’s death had come.
“Stop!” She lifted a staying hand but did not dare touch him.
“Miko.” A warning growl. There was no escaping the deadly glare Sesshomaru leveled upon her. The hairs on the back of her neck lifted, her instincts screaming danger.
Voice hoarse, she spoke softer than a whisper. “Killing him won’t change anything.” Amber eyes sharpened on her face. Even so, she continued, refusing to cower. “Seeing him like this, beaten and broken, doesn’t make me feel any better than before. His death will not change that.”
Unwilling to look at the carnage, she indicated the dead lying around them with a small wave of her arm. “None of this has made things right. The emptiness is still here.” She placed a hand over her heart. “The hole where my home and family used to be is still there. Vengeance hasn’t filled the void or assuaged the pain. There is nothing, only remorse for my culpability in such brutality.” Her voice was soft but filled with certainty.
Sesshomaru stared at her without a word, eyes hard. Merciless.
Kagome licked suddenly dry lips. “I can’t just sit by and let you kill a defenseless man.” She couldn’t prevent a pleading quiver. “Hasn’t there been enough bloodshed and death?”
“Our contract dictates—”
“I know what our contract entails!” He wasn’t listening to her. “You failed!” Calm escaped her.
Sesshomaru blinked at her outburst.
She flung her arm around them again with more force. “The ground is littered with the dead of your kills. For my vengeance,” she mocked with open disdain. “You wanted me to know the taste of it. Demanded it! Well, I’ve more than had a taste, and you want to know what I’ve learned? I haven’t the appetite for it, and one more meaningless death isn’t going to change that!”
She pointed a finger at his face. “And before you say anything, yes! I want him to answer for his crimes. But not. Like. This. I want criminals like him to be brought to justice. To be punished by the law. Our human laws. Not by vengeful retaliation.” Conviction blazed from her; though, she knew she would be unable to stop Sesshomaru should he choose to kill Onigumo regardless.
She could try and fight Sesshomaru for real—and die in the attempt. That she wouldn’t do. Kagome refused to throw her life away protecting a man like Onigumo. Especially when she still needed to find Kikyo. Would Sesshomaru continue to help her? Or, would her defiance cause him to abandon the search?
What would she do then?
Anxiety surged through her, cooling her anger as though she’d fallen in a frozen river.
Kagome could almost feel Sesshomaru’s anger, but rather than argue with her, Sesshomaru turned his back and began walking away. Leaving her alive. And Onigumo.
“We are leaving.” His foreboding tone cautioned her against arguing further.
Relief swamped her.
Not because Onigumo’s life was spared, but because his death was not another unwanted gift. More importantly, Sesshomaru had not abandoned her. The last thought made her tense. It couldn’t be. She didn’t care if he left her, only that he kept his word. Without him, finding her sister would be near impossible.
With that thought, Kagome moved to follow.
“Do you mean to abandon me, miko?” As though having read her own misgivings, Onigumo called out to her, voice faint. Then he slid the knife in deeper. “If you turn your back on me now, I will die. Then your vengeance would be complete.”
She hesitated. Because—in a way, Onigumo was right, but, also, he’d heard every impassioned word she’d shouted at Sesshomaru.
Vengeance.
Kagome felt sick to her stomach. She tried to remember exactly what she’d said, worrying over how much she’d unwittingly revealed. She was certain she’d said nothing of her contract with the inugami. Still, it was small comfort.
Sesshomaru must have heard her stop, for he turned to her with a murderous glare, daring her to defy him again. Looking at the inugami, Kagome knew fear. The man staring back at her wasn’t the one who’d kissed her so passionately and set her blood aflame. Rather, staring back at her was a daemon, promising a slow, painful death.
Damn Onigumo for putting her in this position! But, curse him, she couldn’t just leave him. Animals and youkai would soon be drawn to the scent of blood.
Kagome winced. “Um…Sesshomaru?”
Sesshomaru’s youki flared ominously. She swallowed thickly but dared to forge ahead. “I think we should take Onigumo to the village. Then we can leave!” she added quickly, as though that would make everything right despite her disobedience.
“No.”
“We can’t just leave him to die.”
Sesshomaru didn’t bother to respond. Instead, he turned away and kept walking. Kagome knew he expected her to follow. Taking hold of her courage, her convictions, Kagome forced herself to stand her ground and turn back to Onigumo. She took a single step towards the warlord.
Sesshomaru was before her in an instant, blocking her path. “You dare defy me. Have you forgotten your obligation to me?”
Sick and tired of having that flung in her face, she gritted out, “My obligation does not include that I must do everything your way.”
“You would choose him.” Over me, went unsaid but heard.
Kagome sighed, her anger deflating. She was suddenly very tired. Physically. Emotionally. “That’s not what this is.”
“His life is so precious to you.” A sneer.
When he put it like that, Kagome winced, but she did not bend. “Your ridiculousness does not change the fact that I cannot leave him here.”
She should not have said that first part, sensing another flare from Sesshomaru. His dark aura licked around her, almost burning, and she was hard pressed to keep her reiki leashed when it wanted to rise in her defense. When would she learn to control her wayward tongue? Insulting him would do more harm than good.
As would retaliating against him with her reiki. Thankfully, the flare of his youki was fleeting, allowing her to tamp down on her reiki before it could blaze completely out of control.
Seeing her resolution, Sesshomaru was silent for several long seconds. When he spoke, his voice was devoid of emotion, colder than ice. “You have two choices, onna. Come with me or stay with him.”
An ultimatum? Kagome blinked in confusion.
“But… Our contract…”
And suddenly, she forgot about Onigumo and his learning of her damning connection to a youkai.
Staring at Sesshomaru, it did not escape her notice that he had successfully turned the tables on her where she was now the one reminding him of the ties that bound them.
Would she gain her freedom if she chose to stay and help Onigumo? Or would Sesshomaru kill them both?
“Make your choice.”
Sesshomaru’s high-handedness angered her.
Provoked too far, prudence fell away. Stupidity took reign. “I’m staying.” Without another word, she turned away from him, and went back to Onigumo.
Only when she knelt beside the warlord did she covertly glance back at Sesshomaru, surprised to still be alive and unhurt. She blinked. Looked around. Even in the dark, she would have seen the stark white of his haori, the moonlight gleaming in his silver hair. There was nothing but dark shadows and death strewn across the ground.
The inugami had disappeared.
Frantically, she turned this way and that. Searching. Never finding. Then it hit her. Sesshomaru was gone. He’d left her. Alive. But not unhurt. Her heart clenched painfully, while her breathe seemed to have deserted her, too.
“Gratitude, miko. I am in your debt.”
Kagome’s spine went rigid as she turned to Onigumo, lip drawn back in a snarl. “Keep your gratitude. I do this not for you.”
She’d done what was right. She’d kept her integrity.
But at what cost?
Onigumo had the temerity to laugh, a rasping chuckle that could not hide the agony he was in. Though she took no satisfaction in his pain, she found she did not care that he was in pain.
Inwardly, she cursed Sesshomaru for being unreasonable.
Then herself.
Helping Onigumo was the conscionable thing to do, but she’d made that decision in impulsive anger. If she could do it all over again, she would have remained silent and followed Sesshomaru obediently. Now, how was she to find her sister?
“No good deed goes unpunished, child,” Kaede had once told her.
Hopelessness welled, and Kagome had to grit her teeth against the tears she refused to shed. Instead, she focused on her unwanted patient, and had to control the sudden urge to rail at the helpless warlord. To blame him for the choice she’d made. But she was forced to admit—secretly to herself—the blame rested on her. On her failure to think before reacting. Again.
“This is going to hurt, but I need to remove your armor and use your haori as bandages. It’s mostly ruined, anyway.” Her tone was brisque, conveying her displeasure.
“Do your worst.” Onigumo gave her a crooked grin, seeming oblivious to her dark mood. Or, he merely chose to ignore it. Instead, he teased her, dared to attempt to charm her.
She stifled the urge to smack him over the head. Ignoring him, Kagome went about stabilizing him. Removing his armour jostled him, and soon, he passed out. A blessing for them both. Despite her ire, she tried to be as gentle as she could. After his armour was removed, she went about undressing him from the waist up, revealing a heavily muscular chest.
Grudgingly, she admired his physique. Until an even more traitorous thought compared him to a certain silver haired devil, and found the warlord lacking. An unfair comparison. No human could come close to the ethereal beauty some daemons possessed. Youkai were almost celestial in their perfection, a deception that hid their dark and perves nature, she reminded herself fiercely.
Shoving unwanted thoughts aside, she inspected Onigumo’s many injuries. Knowing he’d taken brunt force to the back of his head, she was gentle when she probed her fingers through his hair and felt a large lump crusted over with drying blood. Unable to evaluate the damage without proper light, she used strips she’d torn from his clothing to wrap around his head.
She hesitated at the two punctures in his right shoulder. The flesh around the deep depressions were blackened, the flesh melted. There was no blood, the wounds cauterized upon infliction. Seeing that the wounds didn’t require her immediate attention, she lowered his hakama and was relieved to see that Onigumo wore a white fundoshi. For years, she’d cared for the sick and injured, had seen both women and men in all manner of undress. Her sensitivity towards nudity was minimal. However, she was coming to realize that even she was not immune to a handsome and finely formed male.
Disgusted with herself, she leaned in close to look over the single acid burn high on Onigumo’s left thigh. As with the punctures on his shoulder, the wound could wait. His knee was a whole other matter. The joint was completely shattered, with bruising and swelling already setting in.
Even if he were to survive his injuries, Onigumo would never fully recover. Sesshomaru had crippled the warlord for life, and part of Kagome didn’t feel sorry for Onigumo. He would never again take up a sword against another helpless woman or child.
The darkness inside her heart swirled, pleased.
Kagome shook her head, refusing to allow this newfound awareness of the dark side of her nature to steal her identity. Sesshomaru was wrong. She was not a bottomless black pit of vindictiveness fueled by self-serving interest. There was goodness inside her, dammit, and it was that goodness she chose to nurture. To do otherwise truly would lead to darkness.
Kagome moved quickly as she stepped away from her patient and went in search of two sturdy branches. The forest was impenetrable blackness, and filled with the sounds of scurrying night creatures and the droning of insects. Hearing the rustling, she moved quickly, unsure if predators of the animal variety were drawing closer. She would have sensed a daemonic presence and was relieved she did not. Unable to see the ground, she was forced to feel around with her toes until she found what she needed. Every second dragged, heightening her anxiety.
It was only a matter of time before something came, drawn to the blood.
Weaponless, she was defenseless.
She should have pilfered a weapon from the dead before trying to stabilize Onigumo. She no longer had the inugami to protect her. Moments later, she returned to Onigumo and dropped the branches beside his comatose form. She needed to stabilize his leg, but first, she needed a weapon. No easy task searching in the dark with only a crescent moon to light the path.
Her sandals splashed in the puddles of blood, splattering across her feet and ankles, and every once in a while, she’d feel the squelch of viscera beneath her foot. The stench was unimaginable, clogging her throat, burning her eyes. She cried, panting. Gasping. It was the smell irritating her senses. She wasn’t crying. Wasn’t sobbing as she dug through the corpses. Searching. Clawing through meat and innards.
Everything was wet. Sticky. Warm, yet cooling. It was everywhere. On her clothes. Covering her hands.
It was the stench that made her vomited again and again. Just the stench.
She was about to give up when she gave a victorious cry that was little more than a hiccupping whimper. Bow and quiver of arrows in hand, she ran back to Onigumo, and nearly tripped on a severed limb. Reaching him, she fell to her knees beside him. Weak. Shaking.
Stop it, she chastised herself. Just stop it. Lifting her fist, she struck the side of her skull, once. Twice. And felt her hair stick to her fingers. Blood. Painting her hands. Under her fingernails. Now in her hair.
Her stomach rolled, her head swirled. Pressure built in her chest. Kagome dug her fingers into the dirt, curling forward when she opened her mouth, but before the force could climb up her throat and emerge on an endless scream, someone touched her. A large palm. On the top of her head. Petting her.
Her heart skipped a beat. She lifted her head so swiftly, her vertebrae popped. Expecting an angular face decorated with beguiling markings and amber eyes, she was disappointed to see a pale, clear face and blue-green eyes.
“Be at ease, miko. The dead can feel no pain.”
Onigumo’s kindness took her aback. Shocked out of the chaos of her mind, Kagome jerked back and slapped his hand away more sharply than was necessary. Onigumo hissed in pain.
She almost felt sorry for him. Almost.
“Hold still. This might hurt.”
Once more in control of herself, Kagome moved fast but gently as she put his hakama back to rights. He tried helping by lifting his hips, and groaned, a low, tortured sound. It was on the tip of her tongue to apologize, when she remembered he didn’t deserve her remorse. Saying nothing, she wrapped the remining strips of his nagajuban around his mid-thigh and calf, securing the two branches on either side of his leg to immobilize his knee.
When she was finished, she moved to stand when a hand tentatively touched the back of hers. She looked up and found Onigumo staring at her.
“Thank you.”
Before she could snatch her hand back, he pulled away.
She frowned at him. “I don’t seek your gratitude.” Glancing around, she located his horse. The beast had come back during her quick field dressing. “I’m going to help you mount. Luckily, your horse has returned. I feared I’d have to go in search of him.”
“Not to worry. He’s well trained. Had a youkai not scared him off, he never would have left my side in the first place.” Onigumo was breathing heavily, chest heaving.
“Don’t waste your breath,” she cautioned. “You’ll need all your strength in a moment. Can you stand?”
“Do I have a choice?”
Without answering his sarcastic remark, Kagome helped Onigumo to his feet with her shoulder pressed hard into his armpit. His arm was thrown over her shoulders, where she gripped his wrist in her right hand, while her left arm was tight around his waist. Using her as a clutch, Onigumo whistled. His horse came trotting over.
Eyeing the beast, Kagome became nervous. A warhorse was no docile animal. Trained for battle, the animal might bite at her, or kick.
“He will not harm you,” Onigumo assured through clenched teeth, in pain, having rightly guessed her hesitation.
“Right,” she remarked, dubious. “I’m not sure how we’re going to get you astride him.” The beast was exceptionally tall, his barrel chest massive.
Onigumo fixed that problem by commanding his stead to lay down, with hooves tucked beneath him. Kagome blinked, surprised. It took several tries, but they eventually succeeded in getting Onigumo on the horse’s back. The stead was passive, patient. As soon as he was as secure as he was going to be, lying flat across the beast’s back, Kagome scrambled out of the way when the horse lurched to his feet at another command from his master.
The jerking motion caused Onigumo to cry out, then silence. Checking on him, she saw that he’d passed out again, which was probably for the best. The town ahead was not far, but she was sure the horse’s steps would jar each of Onigumo’s wounds, especially his knee. Even unconscious, his breathing was too labored, his skin a pasty white, with sweat dripping down his face.
He was wearing nothing but his hakama. Taking the time to fully dress him in his haori was too much of a risk. They’d already lingered too long. She wasn’t sure why she decided to bring his sword when she returned for her bow and quiver, but she left his cumbersome armour. Immediately, another problem presented itself. The warhorse refused to budge, even when she grabbed hold of his reigns and tried to pull him down the path.
Kagome was forced to wake Onigumo. Barely lucid, his words were garbled, but the horse headed his command, and they were off.
All of a sudden, she felt her braid being grabbed. Jerking her attention to the side, she found Onigumo kissing her hair. “The heady scent of a woman,” he breathed. “Enjoying…being so…near you, sweet tenshi.”
Kagome blushed at his words, before becoming angry. She yanked her hair out of his weak hold and ignored him. The warhorse allowed her to lead it; though, she kept a wary eye on its mouth, unable to relax around the intimidating beast. As she walked, her thoughts raced.
What was she to do when she dropped Onigumo off at the village? Sesshomaru was gone, and she was no closer to finding Kikyo. Worse, she had no clear direction to even begin her search. Nor did she have a home to go back to regroup and plan.
Her thoughts scattered when she sensed movement. Had Onigumo stirred? He’d lost consciousness again a little while ago. “Onigumo?”
She gasped when he shifted sideways. He was falling! She tried to right him, but the horse was too tall and Onigumo too heavy. He fell from his mount in slow motion. He didn’t move, didn’t cry out, or react in anyway at the hard landing.
“Onigumo!”