Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from 'Inuyasha' nor do I profit from this story.
AN: I actually wrote about three or so years ago. The original can be found on ff.net, this version has been re-edited and pruned a bit.
A petite figure hurried across the road with files under one arm, and the other arm raised high abover her head to prevent her bag from slipping off her shoulder. She stopped at the pavement on the other side of the road to catch her breath, and then looked about her with a smile in her chocolate brown eyes.
Free at last! She thought to herself gleefully.
She had been trying to get off work for the past hour or two, but her boss had managed to find something or the other for her to ‘look through’. Just when she decided she was going to close her book and scream out loud in protest the Editor in Chief had walked in with a shake of his head, “I think it is time that you took your break, my dear. It looks like you could do with something to eat.”
“You think?” came the dry response before she haphazardly put her things together on her table, picked up her hand bag, and some files ‘to read through’ as she pampered her growling stomach. Hurrying past her boss she said cheerfully, “Don’t worry, Mr Kouto! I’ll be back in time to finish that last report!” And with that she was out the door with a spring in her step.
Now, standing in front of her favourite Chinese restaurant, the budding reporter could feel her mouth watering and anticipation building up. Walking in, she took her usual table by the wall of plants. Settling herself down comfortably, she smiled at the waiter who had come to greet her with a grin, “Good afternoon, Ms.Higurashi! It has been awhile since we have seen you here.”
She couldn’t help a girlish giggle at that as she said, “What? You want me to come here everyday and polish off everything you have, Tsao? I would think Chef would be happy he saw me only once a week!”
Tsao grinned slyly, “Ah, but, Ms.Higurashi, a customer with a healthy appetite is always a favourite with the Chef.” She blushed, and then waved a nonchalant hand, “yeah, yeah…you’re nothing but an accomplished flatterer, Tsao. Now,” she propped the menu up on the table in front of her and said as she went through it, “have you anything special today?”
“Yes, Ms.Higurashi. Today we have one of Chef’s specials…one of his secret recipes.”
Her eyes brightened at that, “Really? Good! Then I’ll have one of those secret recipes…and a glass of cold water, if you please.”
Tsao hesitated before he decided to ask the question that had become quite rhetorical, “Will you be eating alone, ma’am?”
One delicate eyebrow quirked up, “But of course, Tsao! Have you ever seen me eat with anyone else?”
Tsao hastily shook his head, “No ma’am. I beg your pardon. I shall see that you are served soon.”
She smiled sweetly at that, “Don’t worry. Please do take your time. I’m in no hurry.”
“Of course not, ma’am!” said the obviously bothered waiter as he turned away. At the swinging doors to the kitchen he paused to look back at the young woman with long, wavy midnight hair and bright eyes, and sadness came into his own. Not for the first time he wondered how someone as lovely as her could be eating out alone. As far as he knew she had done so ever since she had begun frequenting their restaurant about six months ago. He pursed his lips grimly and went in to give her order.
At the table the young woman was quite unaware that she was the object of pity as she rummaged through her bag for the latest best-seller, blatantly ignoring the report she was supposed to be reading. The waiter’s comment had made her pause to think, but not for long. She had been in a relationship more than a year ago, and she had crashed and burned. She felt that her life was better off without any complications of a romance, and she was quite happy with the way things were. For a brief second her heart decided to say that she wasn’t truly happy, that deep down she was lonely. But the young journalist ruthlessly squashed that voice down, and stamped on it for good measure.
Then settling herself comfortably among the cushions on the sofa she was seated on at the table, she began to get immersed in her book. She wasn’t quite sure for how long she had been reading before she felt a presence at her table. Peeking over the edge of her book she found herself gazing at a pair of long, trouser-clad legs. Eyes moving upward she followed the legs to a well structured torso clad in the most expensive brand of material, and then up a slender neck to a face tha….she gasped out loud and dropped her book as the stranger said one word.
“Kagome.”
She went pale and her eyes looked unusually big as she whispered disbelievingly, “Sesshoumaru.”
They looked at each other for a long moment; one looking shocked and pale while the other looked uncharacteristically uncertain of himself. He then pursed his lips and cleared his face off all emotion before he said, “May I sit down?” He barely waited for her to nod dumbly at him when he took the seat opposite her, and then looked at her like he could never get enough of her.
At his continuous scrutiny she snapped out of her state of shock, and the beginnings of anger began to stir within her. How dare he walk in here and stare at her! She glared at him and asked coldly, “What are you doing here, Sesshoumaru?”
There was a flicker of some unnamed emotion in his golden eyes before he responded with a question of his own, albeit in a quieter tone, “How have you been, Kagome?”
She gulped. The soft tone had unnerved her. It brought back memories. Oh, such bittersweet memories…of the times when he used to speak to her in that very tone whenever she got into trouble and ran to him for comfort. He had always set things into perspective with that quiet tone.
She bit her lower lip and gazed down at her hands clasped tightly in her lap as she answered, “I have been fine…thank you.”
He looked at her bent head in silence, and knew a sudden stab of pain somewhere in the region of his heart. It had been so long since he had last seen her. No. He didn’t want to think of the last time he had seen her. It had been dreadful. The pain of betrayal he had seen in her lovely eyes would always haunt him. The fact that he had deliberately caused it made him feel like the lowest of the lowliest creatures to ever crawl the face of the earth.
He swallowed a lump that had suddenly found its way to his throat, and managed to say casually, “I hear you’re now working for Tokyo Times.”
She roused herself from her state of stupor and looked at him, forcing herself to sound as casual as he did. How that hurt! “Yes I am. I’m one of the reporters.”
He nodded, then glanced at the table. He was at a loss for words but he forced himself to go on. “What’s your beat?”
She shrugged a small shoulder as she shook her head to flip her hair from out of her face, “Cultural events."
That’s it? He remembered a time when she had a hundred words for every word he uttered. She could talk the hind legs off a donkey. A question of his could always draw out atleast three possible answers from her. He noticed that her eyes had lost their sparkle. But he was also keenly aware that he was the cause of that. She had looked like his own darling Kagome as he had entered the restaurant. He had been drawn to her, just as he had been a couple of years ago.
“I take it that means you report on the latest in music shows, and art events?” he refused to give up.
She looked at him with puzzlement in her eyes. What did Sesshoumaru think he was doing? Like he cared what it was she did! She hated him for the things he was making her feel. All those emotions she had thought dead and buried. They were all beginning to surface like phantoms responding to an unheard call. Why did he have to come up to her and talk to her? What did he want? Wasn’t he happy enough with having broken her heart…not once, but twice?! Did he want to see her suffer again? At that last thought fire blazed in her eyes.
He saw it and automatically tensed for whatever was coming his way.
She leaned forward and glared at him, “What exactly is it that you want from me, Sesshoumaru? Don’t tell me you stopped by to see how I was doing!”
His lips tightened until there was a whiteness about his mouth. “As a matter of fact I did. I cannot lie about that.”
“Lie? LIE?! All you’ve ever done is lie to me, Sesshoumaru! Why would you stop now?”
His hand came crashing down on the table making the cutlery and glass rattle, and he choked, “When did I ever lie to you?”
She could feel tears pricking at the back of her eyes, and she tried valiantly to hold them in. But they came spilling out as she said through clenched teeth, “You lied about her. I had asked you if you had something going with her, and you'd said ‘no’. You made me hope even when I told myself that I wouldn’t push you into anything. You should have just told me the truth and I would have been prepared. But you just had to flaunt her in front of me and my friends that night, didn’t you?!?”
He looked like he had been slapped across the face. He knew that it had seemed that way, but…for Kami’s sake he had been scared. Shit scared! She had never been like any of the other women in his life. She had been different. She was different. She…is different. He sank into his seat, the anger dying out in his face and in his eyes. In their place was now fear. Fear of losing the only thing that could save him from his life of loneliness and despair.
He swallowed and then said softly as he looked at the table cloth, “I didn’t kn…I didn’t know how to tell you, Kagome. I didn’t know how to tell you that I wasn’t ready for a commitment as yet.” He looked up and into eyes that were slowly beginning to calm down, “I didn’t know you would be there that night. I would give anything in the world to change the events of that night…you must believe me…”
The clatter of dishes made them both start as Tsao made his way to their table, and placed a steaming plate of food on the table. The businessman with long white hair sat back, and glanced coolly at the waiter before turning away to contemplate the wall ahead of him. Tsao shivered as he knew that here was a man that was never to be crossed. He had seen this very man look furious only a few minutes ago, and he looked anxiously at Ms. Higurashi to see if she was all right.
Sensing his eyes on her Kagome gave Tsao a slight reassuring smile before she quietly asked the gentleman with her, “Would you like something to eat or drink?” Sesshoumaru turned his golden gaze on her and then shook his, “No. Thank you.” She didn’t bother to push him, and shook her head slightly at the waiting Tsao, who nodded and left with a, “I hope you enjoy your meal, Ms. Higurashi.”
Once the waiter was gone she just stared at her plate before looking up to find Sesshoumaru gazing at her. His last words echoed in her head. Reaching out her right hand she grasped the glass of water, but did not bring it to her lips. She was content to hold on to it like her life depended on it. She said slowly, “You once told me that you would never do anything to hurt me…that if one of us had to be hurt in this relationship you would rather it was you and not me,” she lifted her dark gaze to his golden one, “and yet you did. Not just once, but twice.”
He winced. She was right. It was true. But how could he make her understand? His glance fell on her slender hand, gently fingering the rim of her glass. “I am a fool, Kagome.”
She started at that. Sesshoumaru took great pride in not being a fool. For him to admit being one was a feat in itself. Of their own accord her eyes softened as they fell on his white bent head. She longed to reach out and touch him; tell him that it was alright…he didn’t have to explain.
But he spoke again, and as he looked at her his eyes looked dark and haunted, “Where you are concerned I have always been a fool. I knew the moment I laid my eyes on you that you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But I kept telling myself I wasn’t ready. I was too young. I had too much going for me to get hooked for life. I needed my freedom for as long as I could have it. Do you understand, Kagome?” He had reached out to grasp her hand tightly during his little, agitated speech.
Sadness crept into her brown eyes as she reached out to cover their joined hands with her left hand, “Sesshoumaru, freedom is a state of mind, not a state of being. You are free for as long as your believe yourself to be free. You are captive only if you believe yourself to be so. Think about it…in all your time of mindless revelry were you truly free?”
As she spoke he had gazed at the hand that held his. But at her final question he jerked his head up and looked at her, stunned. She knew that her remark had jolted him, and she was curious, in a rather detached way, to see what he would do. She wasn’t prepared for the agony that dawned in his eyes, though, and her breath hitched in her throat as her hands tightened round his in comfort. His grip tightened in turn as though she were his life line; and to him she was.
Suddenly it was all gone. The pain in his eyes, and the grip of his hand, although he still held her. His mask had fallen into place, and Kagome was immediately wary. He gently laced his fingers with hers as he took a deep breath, then he asked her quietly, “Kagome, will you marry me?”
He saw her freeze at his words, and he knew an endless moment of gut-wrenching fear. Sesshoumaru never prayed. But he prayed then; prayed for the only woman he had ever loved. He felt her move her hand away from his, and he wanted to cry out in agony. Her head was bent and her raven bangs covered her eyes.
“Kagome?” he whispered achingly. Just one more time he had to try before he gave her up completely.
“How about we begin with lunch first,” came the soft reply, and as the words began to sink into his tormented mind she looked up at him and smiled; one of those beautiful, loving smiles she had only ever given him.