A Reason by Kiba

A Reason

Title: A Reason

Author: Kiba/KibaSin

Warning: Language/Hinting of Things

Rating: PG-13/T

----

All Dried Up: 

By: Kiba

My tears are gone...

Even when I cry,

None ever seem to come...

It's as if my well is empty,

From so many years of torment...

Even when I cry,

Each time is always the same...

Dry eyes, while sobs still heave within my chest.

It seems I have no tears to give,

As if my emotions are so secure that...

I can't even get in one moment of peace...

My well is empty,

The rain still has not come.

If it does not soon then I may never cry again

- At least not when tears are involved.

...My tears are gone,

...Lost in my past...

...Even when I cry,

...Filled with so much torment that...

...No tears form within my eyes...

...I locked my emotions away,

Forever more...

My tears are completely gone,

Hidden somewhere deep inside me,

Yet I will never be able to let them go.

For you see,

I cannot cry...

I have barely ever before...

Now, when I try, my eyes are still focused...

And drier then anything other then normal...

Yet, my tears are lost completely to me, and now...

You see, I no longer show emotion,

My face is as neutral as ever.

When I try to let it out of my body,

Nothing ever seems to happen.

All I feel is heaviness within my chest,

Nothing more...

I can longer find water within my well for these tears I wish to cry...

...That's why I'm all dried up...

----

She wiped at her eyes once more, for that was all she could do at this moment. It was so strange; she couldn't feel the same salty liquid running down her face like it usually did in these times. She would have thought that perhaps she'd get over this stupid crush she had developed, but seeing them together, it broke her heart. Her heart was aching, probably having been smashing into a million little pieces by the boy she set free from his imprisonment, the same place that the love he now held, had mated with, had fired an arrow upon him, pinning him to the spot. It seemed, now, that Kikyo's soul had finally been able to get passed that moment in time, finally beginning to love the man she thought she wanted so badly...

Why, if she thought she needed him, wanted him, craved for him, didn't she cry? She'd always been able to cry. Now, it seemed like the ability was gone from her grasp, flying up into the sky where she couldn't reach it, taunting her as she gave off half-hiccupped sobs of despair. Still, she knew that his choice would come someday, and though he'd been chasing away possible suitors, and nearly every guy that looked her way, well, she'd always known deep down that in the end, he'd mate with Kikyo. Somehow she'd always known Inuyasha would not pick her, thus throwing her into the background like yesterday's trash.

Wiping at her eyes once more, Kagome knew it wasn't going to do anything but cause her eyes to turn red and possibly become swollen. Still, the question remained, why couldn't she cry? Why didn't tears of pain, torment, or possibly from any type of heart fallen emotion fall from her eyes? Even as she continued to ask, wiping her eyes on her school's uniforms sleeve, she got no answer. Not that she'd expected one, but it would have been nice to at least get a simple little answer that would explain to her why she only sobbed, instead of truly cried.

Maybe she didn't truly love Inuyasha? Maybe that was why she couldn't cry? Who knew, but she did know this, she sure as hell didn't know what was happening! Still, maybe that there was that small chance that maybe, just maybe, her heart no longer belonged to Inuyasha. However, the feeling of it breaking once more, her minds eyes seeing Inuyasha's sweating skin slide against Kikyo's, before suddenly his fangs sinking into the mark he'd just created. Yes, she knew, her heart did belong to Inuyasha, but that didn't mean it had to remain that way, did it?

Perhaps she was cursed that way. Maybe she had had some type of spell placed on her when she was little, and in her greatest time of pain, when she actually wanted to feel the wet trails of tears down her face, she would not be able to cry. In fact, it reminded her of something. An empty well, yes, that was the perfect way to describe how she currently felt. She felt like there was nothing inside of her, like her tears had suddenly dried up along with the rest of her bodily fluids. Yes, she truly felt like she could just go out into the sun and dry up. After all, that's what a little amount of water did inside a well on a hot day, wasn't it?

She shouldn't really blame anyone, really. The last time she'd remembered crying as much as she did with her time with Inuyasha was the time that her father died in a car crash. After that, she hadn't really had a reason to cry that was, until she fell down the well and met the inu-hanyou she thought would fill all her dreams. She was so wrong. So, so, very wrong, indeed. Inuyasha had only caused her pain, and now, since she hadn't realized she should have given up on him sooner, she was suffering from it. Not only because she wanted to rip Kikyo apart piece by piece, but also because she didn't understand why she couldn't cry all of a sudden. Sure, she could sob, but that was only half the deal that came when she let out her frustrations.

She felt like the world was mocking her.

Blinking a few times, Kagome pulled her knees up until they brushed against her chest, slightly thankful for her flexible frame. Still, she buried her face into her slightly parted legs, not caring a bit if anyone saw her in this state. No, for then they might be able to get rid of her current and most disturbing misery. Especially since Kagome couldn't understand it. She knew absolutely no one else that couldn't form tears in their eyes. Ok, she knew a few, but each of them could care less because they were so much more powerful then her weak human self. She couldn't count them, though, for they were all demons, and from what she'd learned powerful, strong demons don't cry. What reason would they have to let meaningless human emotions run wild in their systems? Exactly, they wouldn't.

Sighing through her nose, Kagome tried not to think about Inuyasha and Kikyo. After all, they were the reason she was always crying in sadness in the first place. Sure, she knew that if she were frustrated enough tears about fall from her eyes, but why wouldn't they now! WHY? She wanted to shout it to the gods above! She wanted to march up to Inuyasha and tell him to have his whore of a clay pot to look for the Shikon Shards, since she knew for a fact Kikyo could see them too.

After all, what was she but a copy of Inuyasha's dearest Kikyo? She was supposed to be Kagome, Higurashi Kagome, but in his eyes, she just wasn't herself. She wasn't Kagome; she wasn't anything, but a copy of Kikyo. No wonder he picked the original, as Kikyo liked to call herself, over the copy. What use was she when the original version could do everything but bare him children in the end? Plus, once the Shikon no Tama was restored to its former glory, she pretty much knew Inuyasha's new wish, and even though it was a selfish wish, she didn't care. No, he could have his living Kikyo and go fuck himself for all she cared.

In the back of her mind she heard the voice that told her she'd always love him. No matter how hard she tried, she'd always love him, even if her heart was given to another and she moved on, a piece of her would always belong to Inuyasha. That same voice was what caused her to feel like that empty well once more, because she tried to begin crying, but all she got was half the deal, a bunch of heaving sobs and nothing more. That, people, was why she was the copy. It was so obvious she was inferior to everything, and everyone around her, now. She couldn't form tears within her eyes, and she was starting to feel as if she were nothing but an empty shell, or maybe a body without a soul. What use was she, hm? What good could she bring, when she couldn't even bring the person she thought might love her within her arms for all eternity? Perhaps she really was a copy, and Kikyo would rise up once again, taking back her place while Kagome disappeared through a magical well, back into the future...

She never noticed the chill surrounding her, nor did she notice the large amount of demonic energy that filled the place she had hidden herself. Inside she couldn't care less, even as the energy increased, obviously a spell being spun very close to her. She didn't care though, for she was still confused about why her eyes did not shed tears, when they had done so only a few days ago. Maybe she dried up? Yeah, maybe she could no longer cry because the gods no longer wished it. Or maybe she was just supposed to feel broken and sorrowful. If only...

If only she had someone who would comfort her. She knew that Sango, or Miroku, would any day, but she wanted more then simply the comfort of a friend. No, she wanted the comfort of love, something that was handed to her without restraint, without the person merely deciding they no longer wished to keep her. No, she wanted real love, a love that lasted forever, which was when she finally raised her head, trying to blink away the small haze that had formed before her eyes quite suddenly. It was already dark out, so it was hard to see, but still, now she didn't just feel empty, no, now she also felt blind and alone, as well.

Her eyes began to adjust to the dim lighting, though, and something very magical began to happen. She blinked again to make sure she wasn't just dreaming, but indeed, a flower suddenly began to grow, and blossom right before her very eyes. It started out small, simply sprouting from the ground, before beginning to grow taller, and taller, before suddenly the bud began to open, showing her the flower within. She was so focused on the flower that she never noticed the figure dressed in white appear before her vision, his black boots nearly a hair away from the blooming flower. No, for Kagome watched, enchanted by the magical flower growing, before her eyes widened, her sobs finally coming to a complete stop, when she felt her heart nearly stop.

Surely this could not be happening, no! However, she could not deny what was before her eyes, nor could she deny the words on each petal as it finally bloomed completely. Before her very eyes had it grown, before her very eyes it now sat, bathing in the moonlight, before a large clawed hand reached down, picking the flower from the stem and holding it out to her. She still did not understand quite what was happening; no all she knew was the flower was unlike anything she'd ever seen. When it had first begun to open she'd thought it was merely a purple colored flower, but she'd been proven wrong. The tips of each petal were purple, the rest of the petal white until it came close to the center, where it turned light blue, before reaching the very center, which was completely black. It was not a normal flower, that was for sure, and that was all she could really get to run through her head, even as she looked up at the Mighty Lord of the West, Sesshoumaru, who held the flower out to her like an offering.

His silver hair shone in the moonlight, nearly beaming as if it was starlight itself. His face was calm and serious looking, telling her that when he spoke he would speak only the truth, even if she might not believe him. The flower, though. Her eyes went back to the flower to make sure what she thought she'd seen was true. And, in fact, it was. Right on the very petals, was her name, the words, I love you, S, imprinted below it in the most beautiful kanji she'd ever seen. Without much thought she reached out, her fingers touching his lightly, taking the flower from his grasp.

She didn't know what to say. She felt her throat suddenly constrict together as she stared at the small saying, obviously true in it's meaning, since Inuyasha had told her Sesshoumaru never lied. Why, though, why was Sesshoumaru giving it to her? Her mind was confused, and she finally felt tears begin building behind her eyes, but not because of the feeling she'd felt after seeing Inuyasha mark Kikyo, no, from merely staring down at the words that seemed to ripple and melt as she gazed at them, and as she twisted the stem within her fingers, nearly forgetting the Aristocratic Assassin was standing right in front in front of her.

Giving another choked sob, she managed to look up at him, saying, "Its beautiful."

Sesshoumaru merely blinked at her, before reaching out once more to gently lift the flower from her fingers. Before she could say anything else he had it tucked behind her ear, moving her hair out of the way in order for the blossom to be seen easily. With its size, though, it would easily be seen, but he moved her hair out of the way none-the-less. "No," he replied, shocking the young miko, "it is merely a flower, miko. True, it might be beautiful in its own way, but it is the woman that wears it that makes it truly lovely."

Woman that wears it...? Surely he is not talking about me, Kagome thought, blinking at him. She touched the flower, covering the blossom, before smiling a little, "It will wilt soon without water." However, she wasn't allowed to move, no, for her not only would her legs not go when she told them to, but Sesshoumaru's hand was suddenly placed on her shoulder, pushing her so that she was sitting back down where she had been for possibly a few hours.

A small smirk formed on his lips, as he said, "The flower will not wilt, miko. Do not worry yourself over such minor things."

"But--"

"Trust this Sesshoumaru," he continued. "The flower is made from a spell mixed with my demonic energy. It will not wilt, never, as long as you hold it."

Kagome blinked, a sob heaving through her chest suddenly, even though she hadn't expected it. She touched the flower once more, allowing her hand to cup it, before allowing the hand to fall into her lap. However, when she looked down her eyes widened, for in the middle of her hand was the words once on the flower, rippling light blue and black, before it disappeared into nothingness. Before it disappeared she'd read it over and over and over again, trying to make since of it, even though the words were spelled out right before her very eyes. "Do," she couldn't force herself to continue, merely turning her eyes away from him.

She felt so empty...

With a hand far more gentle then his should have been he cupped her chin, pulling her face until she was looking back at him. He saw tears forming in her eyes, obviously trying to deny the words written on the flower. However, he touched it, knowing that though he might not be able to tell her in so many words, it had always been true. Perhaps it was only an obsession in the beginning, but he wanted her happiness, he wanted to do what he could to see her smile, he wanted to... he wanted to be seen the way his brother was within her eyes. He wanted it all, and he'd remember his father talking about love being the same way, how you wanted to protect the other person more then yourself. However, for now, he merely said, "What is it you wish to say... Kagome?"

Her name passed his lips like a solemn whisper, but she heard it either way. Where she'd once felt empty, and dry, she felt like something was sobbing deeply inside of her chest. Why, why did it have to be him? True, she'd once thought that perhaps it would be nice to be with him, but that was before she'd learned of his demon ways, of how he merely killed people without second thought. Thinking about it now, he always had a reason he did something. He was so much different then Inuyasha... so much different, indeed.

"Does-do the... um... t-the w-w-words on the p-petals..." she stopped for a moment, the thing in her chest sobbing harder, before she choked out, "a-are they true?"

He gently moved his knuckles over her cheek, before replying, "This Sesshoumaru never lies." It was true, for he was not lying. Why would he lie, when he would soon have the most precious thing he could ever have in his life? Soon, he would take the woman back to the House of the Moon, and soon he would make her his mate. No, he would not lie about something like that.

Those four little words were what broke the dam, and quite suddenly Kagome was flooding with tears, all of which streamed down her face. She flung herself into his chest, her face burying itself in his silk robes, while his arm wrapped around her back. She shook her head, wondering why this eternal creature would have such feelings for her, but his reaction to her sudden outburst told her that though he might not understand what was happening, he was true to his word.

His face buried itself into her hair; breathing in her scent of the dawning sun, mixed with many spices that seemed to sing to his very senses, while his arm tightened its hold on her body. He could nearly feel the happiness that seemed to be rolling off her in waves, and he use his nose to nudge her chin upward so she could see his face. Once he had caught her blue orbs within his gaze, he said, "Tell me, Miko Kagome, does this reaction mean you will accept this Sesshoumaru's offer."

"O-Offer?" she sniffled, and watched him nod. "I do not think you have given me an offer yet, Sesshoumaru."

He smirked again, "Ah, but this Sesshoumaru has. You have accepted my gift, my Eternal Flower Offering. Now, tell me, do you accept this Sesshoumaru's offer of becoming his mate? Should you, you're lifespan shall equal out to my own; you shall become a creature similar to a hanyou, if not more because of your miko abilities; you will have the responsibilities of the Lady of the Western Lands." He stopped, allowing the information to sink into her mind, before continuing, his smirk growing, "You will also have the responsibility of taking care of our many children, since our long lives shall come with many of them should you agree."

Kagome smiled a little, happiness welling up inside of her. Her mind might have been a little confused, but her heart knew what to do, and she nodded to his offer, before tightening her hold on him. Her tears continued to spring from her eyes, and it seemed that at last she had gotten past the phase where she felt like nothing more then an old dried up well, an empty body or soul. However, she could not help but say, "You're just as lecherous as Miroku-san."

"Ah, my mate," he said, "the monk does not know the meaning of lecherous."

Kagome began to laugh. His face was so serious, she could not help it; however, for now she was just happy that though she hadn't gotten the man she wanted, she'd gotten another that she'd learn to love with time. After all, no one had ever asked her, instead of merely declaring that she belonged to them.

----

Quite suddenly my well was filled.

The rains had finally come,

And my eyes flooded over with joy.

With happiness, my well shall stay filled,

My love will know no bounds.

No longer am I an empty well,

For I do not know the meaning, of

- All Dried Up...

-Fin

----

Kiba: I wrote this during a very sad time for me when I was younger. I posted it on A Single Spark, dA and fanfiction.net if I remember correctly, and now I am posting it here, on Dokuga. I did write the poem, once upon a time, as well, so that is my own creation.