| Balloons Come in Square Packages |
| Aurora Antheia Raine |
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Disclaimer ;; I do not own Inuyasha.
Rated ;; M for implications.
Author's Note ;; This is my response to Sugabelly's condom challenge. It has to be CU and humorous. In this one-shot, I have chosen to give Sesshoumaru two arms. Assume Kagome restored his arm for him.
Word Count ;; 2,294
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Balloons Come in Square Packages
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It’s been five days.
Five long, exhausting, and busy days since Kagome first joined Sesshoumaru’s pack as per their agreement. One moon cycle spent in his company to care for the every growing and maturing Rin in exchange for ten Shikon jewel shards Sesshoumaru had stumbled upon from defeating lesser demons.
Kagome leaned against a large tree, sighing happily at finally being allowed a short rest before they continued their journey back to Sesshoumaru’s territory in the Western lands.
“It sure is a wonderful day,” Kagome exclaimed, arching her back and stretching her arms to relieve sore muscles.
“Hn,” Sesshoumaru replied beside her, staring straight ahead at a resting Rin cocooned within a foreign item Kagome called ’sleeping bag.’ He was resting against the trunk of a tree as well, with an arm propped comfortably upon his bent knee.
“I wish I could bathe though,” she continued wistfully, feeling disgusting and filthy from two straight days of travel without spotting a single hot springs for her to soak in. “I’m fairly certain the stench I’ve been smelling is coming from me.”
“If you wish, miko, there is an adequate spring up ahead in which you can bathe.”
Immediately jumping to her feet at the prospect, Kagome threw a quick yet grateful smile in Sesshoumaru’s direction before scrambling to retrieve the items she needed from her heavy yellow backpack. Gathering her necessities in her arms, she focused her attention upon the silent Daiyoukai. “I will return shortly, Sesshoumaru-sama. Thank you.”
He gave a brief, almost unnoticeable, nod of his head in acknowledgement of her words and Kagome smiled again before disappearing into the woods.
A peaceful silence ensued until Rin stirred in her sleep and slowly sat up, rubbing at her eyes. She scanned their campground and noted that Kagome was absent.
“Sesshoumaru-sama?” she called out, her eyes moving to land upon his regal form.
“Yes Rin?”
“I am hungry,” she admitted sheepishly, her cheeks flushed with a light shade of pink.
Sesshoumaru’s golden eyes swept over her from mussed hair to covered toes before meeting her eyes. “The miko is currently away. You must wait for her return.”
Rin’s stomach chose that very moment to growl loudly, as if in protest at having to wait to be fed. “I know where Kagome-chan keeps her granola bars. May I obtain one from her bag? Kagome-chan won’t mind.”
“No Rin,” he denied, “it is unbecoming of a child to rummage in another’s belongings.”
“Please, Sesshoumaru-sama,” she pleaded, begging him with both her eyes and her words.
Biting back a sigh, Sesshoumaru’s gaze slanted towards the innocent backpack laying several feet away from him. Standing to his feet gracefully, he made his way over and crouched down, intent on ridding Rin of her hunger without her disrespectfully scouring through the miko’s bag.
He opened the flap and dug his hand inside, careful to not ruin any of the items inside with his sharp claws. His hands met with what he knew were her textbooks and he delved deeper into the backpack. He grasped onto something cylindrical and curiously, he pulled it out. He examined the item for a brief moment, recalling a time where the miko had used it to store water for their travels. Placing it on the side, his hand disappeared once more inside the bag.
Sesshoumaru heard something crinkle from within as his hand brushed against the item that was scraping against his palm and knew the granola bars that Rin spoke of had a similar sound. Believing it to be the item he was looking for, he grasped it and held it up to his face for a closer inspection. Carelessly, he tossed it behind him, remembering it as a certain type of sweets Kagome called ‘chocolate.’ Most certainly not suitable for a hungry child.
Again and again, his hand snaked into the bag and each time, he had managed to grab everything but the very thing he was looking for. Frustration began to consume him and Rin’s eyes grew wider each time as Sesshoumaru failed to attain what he was looking for. Writing utensils, ramen, notepads, candy, satin panties, textbooks, teabags, first aid kit, and lacy bras scattered the ground behind him but he paid them no mind.
Already nearing the bottom of the bag, he swiped carelessly and pulled out the next item. Barely sparing it a glance, he was about to toss it behind him when he paused mid-swing. Curiously, he brought the item back up near eye level, the square package resting innocently in the center of his hand.
The shape wasn’t right nor was the smell, but the packaging was quite intriguing. It was a pleasant shade of pink and light in weight. He wondered if perhaps it was a new brand of those items called ‘granola bars.’ He had only ever seen one of such an item before in his long years of life and it had only been after his travels with the miko from the future. He held it up to his nose again and inhaled before allowing a small frown to mar his face. It smelled of fruit, but at the same time, it didn’t seem as if it would be anything edible.
Rin watched with fascination as her Lord Sesshoumaru examined the small item. She couldn’t ever remember the granola bar being so small! How was she going to feel full from something of that size? She may be a child, but even she had a bigger appetite than that.
“What is that, Sesshoumaru-sama? Is it the granola bar?” she couldn’t help but ask, rising to her feet to stand beside him.
He didn’t answer her, not wanting to admit that he was caught unknowledgeable on this particular item. Instead, he chose to open the package carefully under Rin’s wide eyed stare. He slid a single finger inside and pulled out something pink. Dropping the foil to the ground, he poked and prodded at the flat round item experimentally. Of three things he was absolutely certain of at the moment; it was slightly stretchy, it smelled like fruit, and it was not a granola bar. In fact, it was not edible at all.
So what was this strange article the miko had in her bag and what purpose does it serve?
Upon closer inspection, he realized it could be unrolled and he went through the process of unraveling the mystery item. At full, the thin material was long in length and slightly transparent. It still expelled the same scent and Sesshoumaru found himself utterly confused for the first time in his life.
An excited cry from Rin broke him out of his deep concentration and his eyes asked his unspoken question.
“I know what that is!” she exclaimed excitedly.
He inclined his head a bit to the side, silently allowing her to proceed with an explanation.
“Shippo-kun once told me that Kagome-chan brought him a bag of ‘balloons’ from the future. It looks like this! You put it in your mouth and blow into it. Shippo-kun also said that if we had something called ‘Helium’ then the ‘balloon’ will float, but if we just blow into it, it’ll just fall, but it’s very fun to hit it so it flies in the air.”
“I see,” Sesshoumaru said, even though he didn’t.
“Can you blow it up for me, Sesshoumaru-sama?”
“I am uncertain if I should, Rin,” he replied hesitantly, staring at the foreign object in his hand.
“Please, Sesshoumaru-sama,” she pleaded, forgetting about her hunger as the thoughts of playing with the ‘balloon’ Shippo had described to her at one point consumed her.
“Only if you will wait patiently for the return of the miko to be fed this ‘granola bar’ you speak of,” Sesshoumaru compromised.
“Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama!” Rin squealed excitedly, clapping her hands.
“Very well,” he confirmed, an odd sense of dread filling him as he stared at the ’balloon’ he held in his hand. Slowly, he placed the opening upon his lips and after gathering his confidence, blew air into it. He watched in fascination as the fruit scented pink ’balloon’ swelled quickly. After a few more puffs, he carefully yet skillfully tied a knot, sealing the air within. Running a tongue over his bottom lip to quell the odd sensation there, Sesshoumaru was surprised to find it to be a little sweet to the taste buds.
Just as he was about to hand it to the overzealous Rin, Kagome strolled back onto the campsite, humming a small tune to herself, reveling in the feel of finally being clean and vanilla scented.
“I’m back,” she announced with a huge grin upon her face. Upon seeing the sight before her though, all color drained from her face as her mouth dropped open in shock. Sesshoumaru lifted a single elegant eyebrow at her and Rin tossed the ‘balloon’ in the air with a gleeful shriek, wanting to show Kagome that Shippo had taught her how to play her futuristic games well.
As quick as the color had faded from her, a bright red enflamed her cheeks and Kagome was beyond mortified. In fact, she was so embarrassed, she wanted to simply fall off the plane of existence.
“Look Kagome-chan!” Rin shouted to her, “Sesshoumaru-sama blew this balloon up for me!”
Sapphire eyes widened before sliding shut in resignation. It was official: she was going to die by Sesshoumaru’s hands.
“What is that oddity you carry, miko?” Sesshoumaru’s baritone voice asked her.
Mentally groaning, Kagome inhaled deeply and slowly lifted her eyes to meet his. She flinched upon witnessing the frostiness laced in his narrowed eyes and lost her confidence. In a futile attempt at saving herself, Kagome broke out in a rushed prattle.
“I swear I didn’t mean to bring it here. It was a gag gift from a friend of mine in the modern era and my mom was about to see it so I snuck it into the closest thing to me at the time, which was this backpack. I completely forgot about it or else I would never bring it here and, Kami, this is mortifying. But I didn’t think anyone was going to open it and I certainly never thought that you, Sesshoumaru-sama, would put your mouth on it. Did you know it’s usually the other participant that will put their mouth on that thing? Unless, you know, you swing that way… but I don’t think you do. I also never expected for anyone to blow it up like that or for you to give it to Rin, of all people, to play with.”
Kagome would have continued but she was scared silly when Sesshoumaru closed his eyes agitatedly. She knew it. He was going to kill her with a simple swipe of his claws. It was fate. There was nothing she could do about it. She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the pain and then the darkness.
But it never came.
Confused, Kagome opened a single eye and jumped in surprise to see Sesshoumaru slightly closer than before, peering at her intently under heavy lidded, magenta streaked eyes. “What is that oddity you carry, miko?” he asked again.
“I… It’s called… it’s called a… condom.”
“Condom?” Sesshoumaru repeated, the word foreign and unfamiliar upon his tongue. “What is its purpose?”
Kagome flushed a deeper red, “It… uh… it’s used for… mating purposes.”
“Rutting purposes?” Sesshoumaru asked, needing a clarification before contemplating his next course of action.
Kagome slowly nodded.
Quicker than her eyes could follow, Sesshoumaru snatched the object from Rin’s hands and untied it, letting the air hiss out. “You will show me.”
“I… I can’t. You… you’ve stretched it,” she stammered, slowly backing away from him.
“Rin, find Jaken and have him assist you in finding sustenance for your hunger,” Sesshoumaru commanded, never letting his eyes stray from the nervous miko.
“Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama!” Rin chirped, running away from the campsite towards the direction that Jaken had fallen unconscious in from a boot to the head.
Holding the offending condom with two fingers, he held it up to her face, “I assure you, dear miko, if my intelligence serves me right, it will still be a snug fit upon this person’s endowment.”
“I don’t know, Sesshoumaru…” Kagome disagreed hesitantly, “you… you’ve stretched it quite a bit.”
Reaching out with a hand, he trailed his claw down her arm slightly until he came in contact with her hand. Grasping and lifting it up, he pushed the condom into her hand, refusing to break eye contact with her. Kagome’s hands tightened around the object, too stunned to speak and too nervous to move.
Before she had an opportunity to realize what he was doing, Sesshoumaru had already removed his hakama and fundoshi. There he stood, bare below his waist with his proud member standing erect for her inspection.
Kagome tried to keep her eyes focused on his face, but almost against her will, her eyes kept darting down to the appendage that was currently poking at her. “Measure if you will, miko.”
When she still remained immobile, Sesshoumaru took the pink item back from her and held it beside his hardness for comparison. Her eyes traveled down and she gulped. His member surpassed the stretched condom by far. If he were to even attempt putting it on, it would surely break.
“Ano… Sesshoumaru…” Kagome whispered awkwardly, unsure of what else to say.
“Silence now, miko,” he ordered, a predatory gleam sparkled in his eyes as he stepped closer to the flushed girl. “You will show me the proper use of this ‘condom’ you speak of.”
Her last thought before she was effectively distracted by the demon lord before her was simple.
“Oh kami.”
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End.