The last drop of beer was emptied and the bottle held tight, golden amber scanned the skyline and silken silver moved ever so slightly as he ran his long fingers through. It was going to be over soon, the hour grew late and soon the party would end; she would be returning to gather her belongings and return to her home on the other side of the bridge, his torment would lessen then. Some was definitely better than none in his eyes. This night was a true test of his control and he would have passed said test; albeit by an extremely slim margin, but he would still have passed.
Sesshoumaru sighed as he realized just how close he had come to failure, causing him to shudder; his eyes slid closed in his shame for being so weak. All his life he had endured, until now and it was all due one tiny human woman. It made the demon cringe to think how close he had come to giving in, to succumbing to every indecent and sinful urge born from deprivation he housed inside him. He breathed a sigh of relief to know that it was almost time.
A soft footstep fell upon his keen ears and he tensed, mild fear and not so mild panic seeped into his mind; he had not sensed anyone approaching, having left his senses on guard for the moment Yasha and the girl would return. Apparently he had become distracted, yet another shortcoming when the girl was somehow involved. He did not need to turn, for he could feel those eyes on his back and, he knew.
“Why are you up here?” she asked him softly, her voice sounded as an echo in the night.
He did not answer her, merely stared off at the skyline and wishing he had another beer to serve as a distraction. Sesshoumaru’s senses honed in on the girl behind him, her heartbeat was steady and even, her breathing shaky but much the same. The demon tried to block her emotions that bombarded him; they would only further his immediate distress her presence brought on.
“It was a lovely wedding, you should have come.”
She had no idea what she was doing to him, what that voice stirred inside of him. If she did, the girl would not be standing there at that very second. He was fighting a shocking and intense urge to play ‘hunter and prey’…
“Sesshoumaru, you and I need to have a talk; I am tired of this, how you act around me. I used to thing that it was because you held my species against me, then I believed that you hated me despite anything I did to try and show you I was sincere in wanting to be your friend, just like I am with your brother. Out of the blue you tell me you do not hate me, and yet you avoid me like I have a communicable disease, you ignore me when I talk to you and I am so confused that I can’t tell which end is up. It’s not fair.”
Sessh lowered his head, his face hidden by a shroud of gleaming silk, “Life is not fair. Surely you have realized that.”
The exasperated sigh echoed around them, her arms tightened around her middle for more then just to stave off the cool night air, “I am tired of this Sesshoumaru.”
“Then perhaps you should just give up.”
“Yes, I suppose that would be the logical and simpler thing to do, but is that what you really want?”
“What I want is irrelevant, what you want is irrelevant; nothing is relevant but cold hard reality. It is useless to wish it otherwise, for nothing will change.”
Kagome turned silent, a rarity for the outspoken female, and she simply watched the being before her. He was so tense, his body rigid even though he sat with his forearms upon his thighs like that. How awful it must be for him to believe that, feeling as though there were no options available to stop the pain and the torment he felt inside. She knew it was there, she could finally see it, having found clarity through the words of a hanyou who really had no clue as to what was going on. His energy and aura were an unruly mess, his nerves stretched as taut as if they were about to give, and she could only wonder how long he had been like this.
The woman felt compelled to go to him, drawn to him by a power unseen; her right foot moved with marked hesitation, then her left followed. It was involuntary, she could not stop herself; she did not even forge an attempt.
The tormented Daiyoukai could sense her movement, her footsteps were oddly silent upon the material beneath them, and he experienced extreme indecision as a result. Did he want her to come to him? To be near him and ease all the plagued him with only her presence, just as he knew she could? One part of him screamed that he did, that was what he wanted- what he had always wanted, but another part said no. That part shouted through the voice of reason inside his mind, he could not allow it. She would touch him if she could, she would place those small delicate hands upon his person and unleash something that could never be allowed out. That something would most assuredly bring about his ruination; her ruination would immediately follow as well. That could never be allowed, not for any reason.
He abruptly stood, his arms at his sides and his hands flexing in his anxiety. There was a veritable war being fought, one that was sure to have no true victor and he stepped away from her wanting to increase the distance between them; she had come so close to him he could feel the heat of her body pushing against him, calling out to him and he had nearly answered that call.
“Sesshoumaru, “she said softly, pulling her hand back, “why are you like this? Do you enjoy being in agony?”
“There is no ‘agony’, I…”
“You are deluding yourself. I see the torment, I sense the conflict and it hurts me Sesshoumaru. It hurts me more than you know.”
Sesshoumaru slid his eyes closed, steeling himself against her words. Oh how it shamed him to hear he caused her pain, it was not something that was easy for his demon ears to hear. He could have gone without having that added to all he endured.
“Your concern for this Sesshoumaru is unnecessary, miko,” he replied tightly, taking a couple of steps back in response to her one step forward.
“Look at you, you are barely able to tolerate me being near you, you walk away from me,” to prove what she said, she walked toward him, not one but many steps; he quickly moved away toward the center of the roof. “See? God! Why can’t you just admit it and accept it? I have!”
“For what reason? What purpose would that serve, woman? None! Do you feel that by acknowledging it, by giving it a voice it will miraculously make things better? It won’t. The results would be disastrous with the most final of consequences!” he growled at her, his eyes more fierce and vibrant than she had ever seen them.
“So, what; you hold them inside for them to eat away at you until you become even more bitter and resentful than you were to start with? Yeah, that’s better isn’t it? You act as if as soon as you say what you feel there will be an army on your fucking doorstep to haul your renegade ass off to prison or something! Tell me; who the hell will know? No one, but the two people it involves. I am tired of not being able to sleep at night…of the constant aching and feeling as though I am slowly going insane! I am only a human, after all!” The emotional female marched over, careful to remain a comfortable distance from him so he would not move again. Human nails dug into human flesh in outrage and frustration while hypnotizing azure flashed in outrage. The petite form he had envisioned bare and quivering beneath his touch trembled in heightened emotions the demon not dare even try to decipher.
“Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe it was supposed to be this way? Your liberation started before Miroku took a shine to you, remember? And it started because of me!”
He lowered his eyes then for a few reasons other than wanting to look at something other than that insolent and impudent mouth of hers forming her words, it was not helping him. How could she think such things? Meant to be? It was preposterous. While it was true that it did start because of her, it did not mean it was supposed to. She was human and he was demon, the fact that she was a miko did nothing to change it. Still, it did manage to make him feel better to know he was not the only one to be so adversely affected by everything; at least he was not alone in this.
The girl acted as though she did believe he enjoyed being tortured endlessly; she could not really think it was pleasant for him in any way at all. It wasn’t. It was pure, vicious, brutal agony and he was most tired of it as well. Hell, he was in pain with her just being there, with her luxurious mane gleaming in the night, falling in delicate tendrils from the elegant upsweep she had placed them in and daring him to just reach out to free every last one of them. The sight of her trim yet voluptuous body in that stunning ensemble she wore offered the promise of bliss like no other if he were to accept that offer and remove it from her person. She thought he found this hell pleasing in any way? Maybe she had succumbed to this insanity she spoke of.
“Are you so willing to condemn yourself and me along with you?” he muttered, slowly raising his head back up.
“No, I am willing to offer you freedom from this; it is up to you if you take it. I am going to the apartment and get my things; once I go, I go and I never return. I realize it will never truly fade, but I don’t have to make it worse by subjecting myself to it unnecessarily. I would never survive it.” Her voice was sad, her tone suddenly soft, but inflicted just as much injury as if she were shrieking at him.
Sesshoumaru could not watch her go; he remained facing the opposite direction; her words repeated over and over in his head. She was right, it would never go away; no matter how much he wanted it to, no matter how much he fought it. He would never be free from it, for it was not something that could be neither turned off, nor ‘adjusted’; he had tried all of that and failed. The demon felt mind crippling panic from knowing that he would be forced to forever endure it; he slowly turned around, his eyes flashed in the night as a low growl formed in his throat. It was so ironic; she was the both the disease…and the cure.
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“Well, from the look on your face, I would say it didn’t go well.” Yasha noted as Kagome pushed past him, heading to the bathroom.
The hanyou stared at the floor as he shook his head in disbelief. How could his brother be so stupid as to turn her down? Maybe that ‘beast’ inside the guy wasn’t free; maybe Yasha had been mistaken in his interpretation of what was wrong with the guy. The hanyou gave a frustrated growl, heavily laced with irritation, and placed his hands on his hips. All he wanted was for his life to be semi normal, kind of like some of those he saw on television when he was at Kagome’s place for ‘pizza and a movie’ night. Was that too much to ask?
The girl stormed back into the room, having gathered her things once she relieved herself, and began shoving her things into her bag so she could go home. “Yasha, I’m sorry this happened. I-I won’t be coming back on this side of the bridge anymore; I can’t take it and it will only make it worse if I keep coming here. You are welcome at my place any time, you know that…”
“No, c’mon Kagome. You never let him get to you before, don’t do it now,” the hanyou nearly whined, his arms outstretched for effect. Yasha’s spine seemed to stiffen involuntarily while the uncanny feeling that he was being watched came over him.
Two beings gradually turned around and found themselves under the fierce glare of a being that instilled terror in one and painful longing in another. Despite the look on the demon’s face, Yasha knew it was not anger he was feeling; it was something far more dangerous…for him. Those eyes were tinged pink and his breathing was a bit ragged; which said a lot about the being that owned both, things that made a certain hanyou lower his arms and walk silently toward the door, pausing only to grab his coat.
The Daiyoukai locked gaze with his sibling, giving silent instruction the boy could understand and in turn noted the unspoken request made in answer. He would not hurt the miko.
Once the hanyou had gone, Sesshoumaru stepped inside the apartment, turning as he closed the door; he did not turn back to the girl, he stayed facing the door instead. Everything inside him protested, reminding him it was more than likely a very bad decision to make. The demon leaned upon the door, his entire body beginning to ache brutally. He could scent the way his presence there affected her and those protests gradually began to fade. It should not happen; he should have stayed on the roof until she had gone…
“You…want me miko,” Sessh muttered.
She did not deny it.
“Say it.”
Kagome leveled her eyes upon him, her head held high, “I want you Sesshoumaru.” The guy seemed to sigh in silent relief then. Still, he did not move.
He stood facing the door, his hands bracing his tall form and his fingers clawing at the wood intermittently while he struggled to even out his breathing. He really could not believe the things running through his mind at that time, they appalled him so, yet he did not find them to be unpleasant. Quite the contrary, he liked them…a lot.
“You have haunted my thoughts incessantly, occupied my dreams as I slumber, and no matter what I do-I cannot rid myself of the images I am forced to endure. They are wrong in every way imaginable, yet they feel so right at the same time. Never has anyone ever caused me such uncertainty and confusion…until you stormed into my life. I am still unable to discern if it is a blessing, or curse.” His words grew deeper, darker, with every one uttered; it was as if he were building up to something he was unsure of, but wanted at the same time.
“I never meant to,” the woman replied quietly, her heart beginning to pound. Kagome’s entire body was shaking as she continued to look upon him, wanting him even then, it would not subside despite the things she told herself.
One step; he heard her take one step, and he growled softly. The demon wanted her to take more steps toward him; his senses were going insane as he scented her arousal for him, unable to mistake that wonderful aroma for anything else. He could feel her essence as well, her very aura reaching out to him, penetrating his very person in a way so indecent it was nearly violating and caressing places inside of him that should not be caressed. Those places were not meant for anyone to know of, especially not a miko…
Another step, followed by another; the girl was getting closer now; the sound of her heartbeat was so loud to his ears he feared he may be rendered deaf were it to increase but a little. Again, his fingers clawed at the wood beneath them. Closer…he wanted her closer; he needed her to be closer still.
The very second he felt her small delicate hands upon his back, a low thrumming in his chest began; the demon was barely hanging on to his mind, she was tempting him so. “This should not happen,” he muttered.
“I know.” , Was all she said.
“It is wrong.”
“If you say so.”
Silence fell, save for the soft panting of breath from both beings, each contemplating the words of the other. He was fighting it, with all he had he was fighting the intense urges that plagued him and had his powerful from literally shaking with want. If he agreed, if he gave in, it would satisfy every dark desire he had toward the human female and perhaps then he would be able to move past it. Sesshoumaru knew he could not continue as he had much longer; it would drive to madness and many would suffer because of it.
“Once.” He whispered in a pained and restrained voice resembling a plea.
“Once,” Kagome agreed just as softly.
Her hands slid around to his chest, working the small buttons one by one until none remained closed; her hands glided ever so tenderly over his quivering muscles, made so by his immense struggle for restraint. Though it was unnecessary, she was grateful for his concern for her; it told her he did, in fact, care to a degree.
Sesshoumaru lifted his head as he squeezed his eyes shut until he saw white; it was a feeling unrivaled, having this human woman touching him in such a manner. Never could he have imagined that something like this, with someone like her, could ever shake him to his very foundation of his control. The things he pictured doing to her at that moment…
Kagome placed her hands upon his wrists and pulled, indicating she wanted him to move them; which he did, knowing the very reason for her unspoken request. Those fingertips of hers were like feathers as they grazed his skin while removing his shirt and the sensation caused him to shudder. Moist hot kisses upon his back damn near took him to his knees, but he managed to refrain from doing so, much to his relief. It would not be long and he would take control from her; he wanted her to indulge herself for as long as was possible before that happened.
He knew the repercussions for what they were doing, what they were about to do, but none would ever know of what took place within the walls of his home, save for three beings…and neither of those beings would say a single word to anyone. Although he had not said it aloud, the hanyou knew without a doubt as to what would transpire between the miko he called friend, and the demon he called brother once he had gone; the boy was no fool.
Her soft sweet petals were so close to his ear then, grazing his sensitive lobe as she spoke to him, “Do you want to touch me, Sesshoumaru?”
“Yes.” He had not meant it to sound as harsh as it did; it just came out that way. From her response though, she did not seem to mind his less than gentle tone.
One hand reached around to rest upon the back of her thigh, strong fingers instantly stroked the silk that was her flesh; it was a move that elicited the most angelic of sounds from her throat, and made her arms tighten around him while her cheek pressed against his back. It became apparent to both beings that she was overdressed for what would occur, and the demon decided to assist her in correcting the situation. Sesshoumaru gently removed her arms from around him that he may turn and face the human woman that could very well be his undoing; his strong hands set to removing her blouse from her trim form, dropping the garment to the floor once he had succeeded.
The skirt she wore was a much easier task to take on than the blouse had been, it was only a zipper- and one downward movement of his hand…she stood before him in naught but her undergarment for his eyes to feast upon at their leisure. Kagome felt a bit self conscious and closed her eyes, her face reddening while he took his time in assessing her. How she hoped he was not displeased with what he saw, as he had yet to give her any indication whether he was or not. That is, until the demon stepped closer to her and brought his fingers up to stroke her throat gingerly…almost reverently.
Those lips were calling to him again, just as they had many times before; they begged for his kiss, to be claimed by him and him alone…God, how he wanted to give those soft, tender petals what they longed for. The Daiyoukai heard her gasp sharply, followed by an ever so gentle whimper that seemed to cater to his innermost desires; he was unable to stop himself when he pulled her against his unyielding body, tangled his fingers into her hair and pulled her head backward to expose her throat. Sesshoumaru drug his nose the length of her neck, inhaling deeply with a low growl. The woman smelled so heavenly, like delicate blossoms warmed by pure sunshine. It was a scent unlike any he had ever had the distinct pleasure of sampling and the grateful demon was certain he would never scent anything like it again. Strong yet delicate fingers gripped his shoulders tight, digging in to the hard muscles beneath them.
“I have dreamed of this…” she moaned, her head falling backwards and turning to the left; it was a move that forced a snarl from her would be lover as his left hand tightened its hold on her.
“I could hurt you…,” he rasped, noting how painful that one task had been.
“But you won’t.” the woman breathed. Her desire and want for this demon was so strong, so fierce, it brought tears to her eyes. Her lungs hurt to draw in even one breath; to her it did not matter, for she would give up the very last breath in her just to have this last.
“No, I won’t.” his voice was tight, his eyes gradually tingeing pink with every ragged and labored breath he took. This may only happen once, but he intended to make it an event that neither one of them would ever forget. It would be a memory both would recall to their very last breath and carry over with them into the afterlife… until the very end of time itself, ”Come with me.”
Kagome nodded her head, willing to follow this male anywhere he led her; her head was spinning as he started to pull her toward his room, having lifted her up slightly so he could nuzzle a pert full breast. Never in his life had Sesshoumaru purred before, but then again, he had never had a human miko in his arms either; it was a night of several firsts for him, for her as well. He would be her first demon lover and he felt honored by that. Sesshoumaru dared to wonder if she too felt honored; if she were any other human, this would never happen.
Kagome pressed into him, wanting him as close as possible it was almost as if she were desperately trying to draw him into herself and hold him there to never let him go. The demon chose not to think of how she would have to let him go eventually, just as he would her; he would not allow errant thoughts to diminish the glory of what they were about to experience together. Nothing would ruin this one night…this one time; his one chance to know of unconditional acceptance that she was granting him. It was something he had secretly yearned for his entire life to that point and he knew it would never come again. Just once he would know what it was like, just once.
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