AN: Based off of the idea of ‘Memoirs of a Geisha‘, Sess/kags pairing, other characters will be thrown in to assist the flow of the story. Mature writing theme, AU. 1st person pro. I am attempting to use proper names from things in a culture that is not my own. Honestly if you give me a review saying I used it wrong I will ignore that portion of the review, this is for me to learn, I just so happen to want to make my reader happy at the same time.
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha Characters, nor do I own the Memoirs of a Geisha idea, nor do I make money from the online distribution of this fiction .
WARNING: SEX, and Char death. Heavy plot w/slight lemon.
-Okiya = geisha home [o-key-ya]
-Onee-san = sister , an expert geisha that is to be a mentor [o-nee-san]
-Okaa-san = mother , proprietor of the okiya [o-kah-san]
-Danna = keeper , in the sense that this male keeps the geisha for himself, pays for all her needs and wants, so that she doesn’t have to be geisha for anyone but him. A rich patron that takes care of all her needs. [dah-nah]
-Oni = demon/monster [o-nee]
-Kami = god [kah-me]
-Nenki = the contract a geisha has with made with her Okiya , when bought and made geisha in training the Okiya and the Okaa-san ‘eat’ the cost of raising and training the young woman into a full fledged geisha, it is up to them to be able to pay back this cost as they come out into society. [nin-kee]
-Mizuage = maidenhead , female innocence, this one I took right from the book so I may be off from the description . [miz-zoo-ah-gay]
-Sensei = teacher [sin-say]
-Nishi = West [Nee-She]
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Memoirs of a Blue Eyed Geisha .
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In all my life I cannot say that I was truly meant to live as I have. I have seen wonders, and beauties that no other female before has had the honor of seeing. I have also seen hardships and cruelty that no other female of my time has ever had to feast their eyes upon. I am not bitter for the life that I have led, for to be bitter would be to regret that I have in fact enjoyed my life for the most part, that I had in fact loved a great and terrible demon. To be bitter about my life, would be to betray all that I once was and now am. I cannot remember exactly how I came to be at the okiya, only that I once had a sister, Rumiko, and that once I came to be here I never saw her again.
I knew I was different even when so young, I had always been so. My father and mother had always been so indifferent to me, I can only assume now that it was so they would not become attached to me, having their hearts broken knowing they would one day give me away. Then, I did not understand but now I do, blue grey eyes were rare in a Japanese girl, and they knew even before they had to that they would not be able to keep me. They kept their emotions in check so as not to get attached, so it would be easier for them when I left.
I am not angry at them for their actions, or that they gave me up and separated me from my only sibling to put me into this type of life, many have said that I should be angry, but I cannot find it in my heart to be so. Had they not, I would not have lived the life that I had, and that it self would be to regret.
My memories of my early time at the okiya are a wash of chores and training, even now I cannot help but look back at that time and see how amazing it all really was. But the okiya, though it was my new home and new family were usually happy, there was a dark spot to my silver cloud, Kikyo.
My new older ‘onee-san‘, was a cold woman, bitter and resentful to the world she thrived in. She was a moth that danced far to close to the flame, and often bordered on madness because of it. I had often thought of her as a wild thing that had been caught, that someone had sadly attempted to tame, and did to some degree. In her living being I could see, could feel a wildness that had been trapped that would attack for fear of being forgotten and left behind. It was terrifying and beautiful all at once.
There in her eyes was a darkness, a dull pain that exuded from her being that would at some point crush the okiya, but then I did not know these things. My training, under the watchful eye of my new ‘Okaa-san‘, Kaede, was bright, colorful, hard, and memorable. I was taught the finer arts of life, conversation, and talents with fans, serving tea, dances, and strict mannerisms of a Geisha, much to Kikyo’s bemoan.
I was good at it. There with me at the okiya was Sango. She, too, had been taken from her real family, though she had said there was not much of a family left. Once they had been proud demon slayers, now she was to be Geisha as well. We were fast friends, and did much together, she was far more submissive then I, and I had learned more lessons harder then she had ever for my lack of obedience. Such a wild thing was I then.
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I can smile at these memories now knowing the change that would occur in my life, soon my life was to take on a life of its own, and though I did not know it I was soon to meet my future, held in the clawed hands of a golden eyed prince.
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While still a girl I met a demon that would one day be the love of my life. Even if he himself did not and could not love a being at all, I loved him enough for the both of us. He was a great and terrible demon, beauty and danger engulfed his every being, though to all others who saw him thought him to be cruel more then necessary, he was by far more beautiful and deadly then any could ever hope to be.
While my world was sheltered, there were times when there was wild abandonment in my life. When running through the market place to get to classes took on everything I had, and led me to escape if only for a small time the life I then led. I would always be a fishermen’s daughter, but in a world of silk and fans, tea and men that paid for the company they kept, I could not help but from time to time feel caged. He would be my gilded cage, my warden, my life, my will, my everything.
It had been a warm day in fall, the okiya had been visited by Onigumo, Kaede’s danna, and all had been asked to leave. Kikyo was supposed to have watched us while we were out, Kaede had even ordered as such, but our onee-san had like so many other occasions, not done what she should have. The tamed wild thing was once again off to meet her lover, Naraku, a vile man that hungered for my onee-san’s body and soul, who would devour her if she were to dismiss the threat. We, Sango and I played like free children that day.
An oni came for us as we played in a field by our bustling town, why to this day I still do not know, though I have often thought the cause to be my latent miko powers, or perhaps our onee-san arranged it so, either way Sango and I were attacked. Running for our lives into the forest on the outskirts of the town, we were separated.
I had been lost for hours when I came to a clearing, the clearing where I met him for the first time in fact. He was the young Lord Sesshomaru, heir to the Western lands, and yet I knew him not, for what child knows their liege? None. It is remarkable to me even still that then as well as now and through all my years I felt no fear of him, something he brought up often enough for one who spoke so little.
He sat wrapped in his pelt at the base of a tree, looking at nothing impractical or so I thought, and though I knew I was interrupting something, I couldn’t help be come closer to him, he looks so like a fallen kami. My footing was clumsy, and a twig gave away my presence, though I often wondered if he had always been aware that I was there. He turned to me faster then I can even give name to in words, his beauty was feral and demonic, his heritage bared for the world to see with golden eyes that could make the waning sun jealous.
Deep maroon crests upon his angelic bone structure, and his mother’s crescent moon upon his brow, I knew no being more beautiful then he. His fangs were bared towards my small person, eyes bleeding scarlet, I had not known that he was injured at the time from a quarrel with his younger half brother. To approach a wounded demon was as good as death, I should have feared him, yet I could not.
His intent was to shun me, make me fear, but looking at him, knowing this creature would disembowel me in moments notice, there was no reason to fear death for I was looking at death and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. He contemplated me for a few minutes in silence, his head tilted to the side like a dog I would some day know him to be, before turning back his attention to the tree before him.
It was then that I noticed the blade.
There across the way lay a knurled rooted tree, at its base was a golden stone, a battered sword sheathed in its metallic prison. I did not know this to be the sword of destruction, the fang of earth. Had I known I might not have touched it in fear, but being so young and innocent, naïve to such a great point it never occurred to me as I took my leave from his side, walked across the way and reached for the hilt. Clutching it in my tiny fists I tugged and the blade was released with a slight scrapping sound, and I nearly fell on my rump with a childish giggle.
I remember clearly the look up shock on his face before it was replaced with his ever stoic mask, a mask that I alone would one day be able to crack. I walked back to him, offered him the blade, and he took it without burn or pain, as there might have been before hand. I noticed him looking intently at me now, studying my person. This was not new to me as my eyes had always gathers attention, but his gaze was beyond that. He inhaled deeply, what I would later learn was committing my scent to memory.
Never to be disappointed his rich warm yet hard gold eyes met my pale silvery blue gray, I gasped from shock, knowing that I would always want this male and no other even at my young age. He had ruined me for all other for others would never be as grand as him, but I was to be a geisha so this was not all together something I could truly want for either, I knew in that moment he would become my obsession in secret. He asked me my name and his deep voice reverberated in my soul, soothing aches I was not aware I had, while other aches were created that day, there was a part of me that only he could stir and tend. “Kagome.” I answered shyly, him noticing that it was the only shy part about me, for I had already been so bold to stare into his feral eyes unchecked.
We talked of many things. Mostly I talked while he spoke little, something I would come to understand and crave. Lost in thought and conversation, I had always had a mature mind I was told, came with my old soul and my open water like eyes. My grandmother had once said that I was far older then my husk allowed me to look, and yet far younger then any would ever be able to be. I had not understood her then, and even still it would be years before I understood her words of innocence and wisdom at such a tender age. We parted ways that day near sunset, he walked me to the edge of the forest for my safety, though I was not sure when, I knew I’d see him again, I would make it happen even if it was impossible.
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If I had known the years of training and all of the things I know now I think I still would have followed my path. Though everything was a blur almost until the point of my début, my life was still controlled by others. I can reflect these things now with a lighter heart then I had once.
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Perhaps it was this stubbornness that forced my hand in life, Kikyo had all but attempted to ruin me upon my coming out, it was said that Kikyo had paid back her nenki within a months time, but it had been boasted that I could do it sooner with the sale of my mizuage. Weeks before it came up for bidding, I became a nocturnal social butterfly, keeping the company of demons, lower lords, soldiers, governors, humans, and many more. My antics were polite and flirtatious conversations, light touches of silk to skin, fluttering black lashes against my pale painted alabaster skin, small jokes and giggles to show my innocence.
It was rumored that more than one important male had his attention on me, and I was always under the watchful eye of Kaede, and more recently my independent sensei, Miyako. Miyako was an kuro inu youkai, but geisha nonetheless. She had taken an interest in me, for reasons at the time I still did not know. I was taken under her paw, and led by her instruction for the last few months, there was some bet or contract going on between her and Kaede over my mizuage, but I was not aware of exactly what, and knew better then to ask.
Sometimes I think I knew too little of the goings-on in my life, and sometimes I wish that I was a bit more aware, but my life even to this point had not truly been a disappointment so I had yet to wonder too greatly in its dealings.
There were parties to attend, nightly events that occurred, all of which pulled greatly at my time, Miyako had set me to give myself to a business man, Nubo, Miroku. He was not an unattractive male but he was not My Lord , even till this time, years later I had hoped I would see him again and yet I never had. Sometimes I had thought that it was all a dream, something my mind had come up with while I was lost in the forest. That day long ago, Kaede had asked where I had been, for Sango had come home hours before when I had not.
Sango had told her of the oni, and that we had been separated, and yet Kaede insisted that I had done something else, she was right of coarse, but the hell I was going to tell her that. That night after Okaa-san had beat me just a bit for taking longer to get home, I dreamed of him. Many nights afterwords I did as well, no one would ever hold my heart like My Lord did. And so I made the same attempt I did with anyone else, it was my luck it seemed that Miroku was far to busy in his own little world to notice that my attention had been captured by the male of my dreams walking into the room when it should have been on him.
He was just as noble as before, more so now that he was un-injured, it seemed that I could not keep my eyes off him, and for one moment that seemed to last a life time, his eyes were locked on mine too. I noticed him taking a sniff of the air, now I know it to be him confirming his thoughts, but then I was unaware of his actions, blushing lightly I was spared embarrassment by my lack of attention to Mr. Nubo, thinking it was his own flirtations that had my cheeks a flame, and my face turned from his own.
The connection lost, I spent the rest of the night charming Miroku, while my heart pounded to life for My Lord . I went home that night, a stained blush on my cheeks, up the stairs to my private room, tomorrow was to be the bid for my mizuage, and I prayed to all the kami, stars, the moon, the heavens and any being that could hear me that my demon lord would win the bid.
The next day was a flurry of activity, the details of which, at my old age I cannot remember nor do I care to. All I know was that night came, and Miyako held the winning bid, she would not tell me whom had won the prize, only that I had indeed out sold myself before Kikyo had been able to, my nenki was paid in full, and whatever bet Miyako and Kaede had, was won by the ever cunning black inu youkai.
I was led away that day at noon to be bathed in scented water, lavished in oils for pleasure, soothing, and scenting, I was already high in euphoria barely coming down when I was driven by carriage to the place I would loose my innocence. Concealed by not only the cover of night but layers of silken fabric so fine, I felt in a lifetime I would never see such finer robes, I was taken, to my knowledge now the palace of the moon, led to a room, where I was to wait for my winning bidder.
The time I spent waiting was a lifetime, and I could easily over exaggerate the details in how painstaking it was not to just disrobe myself and get comfortable but I was someone else’s prize and I had no rights to unwrap the present. I could feel the hairs on my neck, however delicate they were begin to stand on end, whomever approached me walked on winds so quiet they could not be heard but could be felt.
I was like a child caught in a grown person’s world then, unsure of myself and of my body, I worried if my lover for the night would be pleased for all of my training and everything I had learned I felt that I would know nothing. I hoped he would be pleased, but at the same time I wondered if he would treat me well or if he’d be violent, too many horror stories I had heard in my short life. It should have occurred to me that my lover this night would be a demon, for he told me right out that I stank with fear, and that he liked the spicy scent of my anger.
His pillow talk left much to be desired I would find out, but he had never been one for talking and he never would be, but I would find comfort in his silence after enough time. I was sitting when he arrived, waiting for him to do anything, I was his toy and my face was covered with silks so I could not see just who my captor was.
His hands were large and hot when then ideally brushed upon my own cool skin, pulling off the top most layer of my kimono, and another, until I stood before him in only a sheer yakata. It was cold and I remember clearly that he had to do little work to get my nipples to stand at attention for his clawed caress through the thin covering of my body. I shivered at his touch, still not knowing just who it was that touched me so gently, I wanted to rip the veil from my eyes so I too could partake in activities, and yet I was not able to.
He tortured my body with gentle touches and caresses, leaving no inch un-searched or felt by his touch. My breathing had been labored, and heavy as his manipulations, my body rose the heights of my own pleasure, truly I had never hoped on this night to feel even this, for he had brought me pleasures before his own. It was truly not expected that he would let me feel anything more then his own gifted talent for the night.
I remember the feel of the sheer silken yakata as it fluttered down my body, without my sight the sensation had left my skin feeling so much more then I had ever before. It was still heated from being around my body, yet cool as it fluttered to the ever growing pile of silk around my form. The demon finally took the veil off, and I remembered so much the look of amusement in his eyes, there before me staring, dare I say playfully into my large pools of blue, was my Demon Lord, a small fanged smirk finding its way to his face.
Needless to say Kami-sama was one of my favorite beings right then, I had dreamed of this man for what seemed like all of my life, for I could not remember life before him. Before him I stood naked as the day I was born, with more womanly appeal and curve then any of the geisha I knew about, far more so then the average Japanese woman that I knew of, there I was before him, both his prize and his prey, and it excited me so. He ravaged his fangs and tongue against my body.
I was so virginal that every touch was beyond sensual, and bordered upon sinful, his tongue and mouth suckled upon my being, from my chin to my jaw, down my neck, over my collar-bone, and down to my supple breasts. He had ignited a fire in my being that I was unaware how to quench and yet I knew he knew how to and was not. I remembered being so frustrated, distraught even, and he had chuckled low, the sound so devious and yet I wanted to hear it more. I remembered it was the first time I ever heard such a sound from him before, it was deep and soulful and yet it sounded as though it had not often been used.
He laid me out then, stretching my body out on the cool futon that would soon be heated from the heat of our bodies, I watched as his eyes roamed my body, I had no idea that he was supposedly a human hater, I had never felt such things from him when I was alone with the great and terrible demon Lord. As he looked at my body I studied his being, he wore only his hamakas and a sleeping yakata that was more than likely brought so that he could walk out after he was done, as much as I wanted to, I told myself would not disillusion myself with the idea that I was to be a kept pet.
I knew better and did not expect him to stay with me through the night, if he was to stay at all until the next day, I would have been surprised. But I did not let myself linger on these thoughts or feelings that threatened to break me, the kami’s had answered my life long prayer, and if it was to be for this one night I would savor this night forever, and build my life long happiness on this memory.
His gentleness beguiled my mind, ensnaring me in a palpable power and ecstasy that was his torturous and wonderful love making. Slow and steady he worked my body to fevered pitch, and yet it was so much more then words can describe, more then I can put into phrase, or even begin to explain the feeling of joining with him.
That night I was made to cry out for him both in want and by force in the most pleasurable of ways. I was left panting, sweating, near tears for it had been so beautiful, and never in my life had I been loved so, for it was not sex, it could not be, my lover had loved me that night. My memories will always be better then words would ever express, for I could not tell you the hue of my surroundings, nor the scent of our bodies together, or even the sounds of our muffled cries, yet I can remember seeing them clearly and in detail, and the smell of them as if it were yesterday.
I woke the next morning, and was not surprised that he was gone, I cannot lie to myself and say that even though I knew it, I was not sad for the fact, I cried that morning for the first time since I was taken from my family all those years ago. The silken sheets flooded around my tired and sore body, it hurt to walk, he would have been proud I think to know that, but then I had not known what he had in store for me.
The morning I was bleak, and broken, as broken as my soul felt without him, I have no idea why he was always on my mind, no idea why of all the beings I could chose to lavish my much sought after affections upon I choose one who would never return the feelings openly, though I did not blame him for this, for if he had changed then I would not have loved him so. I dawned my attire from the night before, tying my obi in a way that spoke no longer of my innocence, I did not bother with my long raven tress as it flowed behind me in the gate of my walk, nor did I give heed to the world around me.
Much of my life in the weeks after I left him, were a blur, there were no others that I took to my bed during this time, and even though my business was companionship, I was not much of one, though my acting had to have been grand for none seemed to notice but Kikyo. My smiles were fake, my laugh was hollow, my eyes were dead, but only she saw my pain, only she was knew, not even our Okaa-san knew how low I felt.
My onee-san did not mind rubbing my face into the cold truth of my hidden feelings, laughing harshly at my emotions, so drunk in her own spiraling downfall that she had not even noticed the night she had almost set the okiya to flames, nearly burning us out of house and home. Never in my life had I seen okaa-san so angry, never before had she raised a hand to Kikyo but that day she had, she had called her worthless, and a tramp. ‘She who had once put the silk on our backs, the food in our mouths, had almost ruined us all, ’ Okaa-san had said.
Kikyo had slapped her back before leaving; I remember that day though, it was a cold day, raining, and even now as I remember Kikyo leaving, her kimono torn and falling from her shoulder, she looked broken. Her hair falling from its place the rain of the day putting out what we could not, she turned to look back at us as she left. I can still remember seeing the wild look in her eyes, the look of a caged animal ready to pounce, desperately searching. What she was looking for I have never found out, but it terrified me to no end. I wondered then if it could be my own end in a few years. Tired, used, unloved, and wild, wanting only to find my own path, my own everything, where silk and fans did not reach me.
Kikyo had only wanted her life, her happiness in the end. Her problems had steamed because she had tried to take over her own destiny, and failed, I wondered if chasing my own destiny would result in such ways, if I too would someday have blue eyes that belonged to a trapped animal desperately looking for a way out, looking for my own happy end. I cried that day for Kikyo as well as myself and my broken dream of the beautiful silver inu youkai.
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I never saw Kikyo again after that day. She was a caged tigress past her prime in our world. Though whispers did sometimes reach my ears, I had heard she found her someone, and as loathed as I was to know her when she was less then pleasant I could find no ill will in my heart towards her. I was glad for her fortunes. Her good fortunes that would not be our own, I had not known what would happen shortly after her leaving us. The world came calling louder then it had ever before.
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Kikyo’s leaving was bothersome to me, her eyes, the look of them had haunted my soul for reasons then I could not understand then, beyond what I already had thought. But I didn’t have long to ponder such thoughts as war had broken out, the Dragon kingdom to the North had started war with the Western Dogs over a betrothal that had fallen through.
Whatever life I had learned to live as a Geisha was gone within the month, and my life as well as Miyako’s were only spared because of Nobu, Miroku who I had later found out to be an acquaintance of My Lord . Many times as I fled my home I had wondered if I would ever see the silken fanned life I had once led, or if this would be the end of my dazzling life, is the shows, pomp and circumstance would be over as war spread and the people panicked. Mr. Nobu was a well known man, a monk in perverts cloths, and yet his heart was kind, he had found a place for me to stay during such a time of unrest, and though I had a place I was lost.
During the war I was lost in the lands I grew up in, in all truth and honesty I was a fishermen’s daughter from a coastal town, and yet from such a young age I was raised to be geisha. I had never done a days hard labor in my life, I found myself working fields before the war was over, tall wheat my only audience now, my renowned beauty even for a human lost in the basic need to survive. Lost in time. Lost without word from the world I was forced into and embraced with my being.
It had been harder then I could have ever guessed to live life as such, and yet it was pleasing and simple. There were not political games of rivals, or bothersome hands of drunken patrons, but there too were the loss of flowing silk and tea that taste like honey.
I found a place among the common, and thought sometimes of my life then grand, though I missed Sango, and even Okaa-san, and specially Miyako. I was lost for years there growing from a young woman child, into a woman, when I was found again by one of my world, by the most happy yet subdued Nobu. The years at war has left him with a ‘cursed’ right hand, deformed but still usable to some degree, he was as handsome as ever, but his demeanor was what had changed.
When I saw him, it was the first face that I had known from my past in years, I was excited yet terrified for why he’d even be there. We talked that night and as it turned out the King had died, and Prince Sesshomaru had taken his place, the war had been finished for some time in fact, but the royals and upper society had given the young prince hell in taking the thrown and had only relented when he had taken a mate. In the end I was being retrieved for a performance of fans for the new royals.
I remembered thinking the morning I had woken from our night together, the prince and I, that my heart was broken, but I had truly never felt pain as I had the day I was told he had a mate and it was not myself.
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I can smile a bit now about it, but at that moment, I truly wished I had died in the war. I truly felt like the caged animal that I saw in Kikyo’s eyes. And I longed for nothing more then freedom from my burden of a heart. We human’s are such foolish things, beautiful for only a breath of time to that of a demon’s life. Yet I could still remember how upset I was, and how empty I felt at that moment. I knew it was for politics, and yet I could still not stop myself from being hurt.
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Days and nights seemed to fly by as Nobu took me from the wheat fields to the Palace of the Moon again, to his home, to the death of my soul. I took no heed of the world and state of things around me, Nobu could have led me to my death and I would have embraced it as openly as I had done all things in my life. When I seemed to come to days had passed since I had been brought back into the colorful world of Nishi, and what its courts and geisha were expected to be. I was surprised by what I found.
Any common woman, of any origin could paint her face, and lips and call herself geisha, it was an insult and mockery of all that I had lived for all of the life I can remember. I had been filled with sorrow at the idea that I had lost something, someone that was not truly mine. But that sorrow was quickly changed into a fury at those who would mock things that they did not know.
I was angered that the once prince would allow his kingdom to be viewed as such. Was this the new world? Where was my old world of silk and fans, tea and gentle touches. This was a world I did not know, but I would be damned if I didn’t remind them where they came from, and that not any common woman, or demoness could be geisha.
The years lost to this world had opened my eyes to the years lost to another that I was born gifted with talents for. Once I had been just a girl, now I was a woman, a geisha, a miko. Where I had never had to use such talents before I found as I grew that my powers were unrealistically powerful, and raw. Like all things in my life I had trained them, my unnatural grace from years of practices with fans, and dance had easily transitioned into grace with a sword, or bow.
My once silken hands had callous’ and told a story that my unpainted lips would not.
These common whores, girls who sought out their fortunes as streetwalkers, and beggars for a males attention would be sorely shown up for none knew what had been brought to their city, brought to their king. I would hold my head high and defiant as always, I had been bought out of my contract, my world was my own, and I would make sure all knew the folly and fakeness of those that attempted to play dress up.
To a place to change I was brought, the silken threads and kimono’s of far lesser women had been presented to me, and yet it did not matter, they expected me to wear only a few layers and perhaps sing a song, they were not to get such a performance. Locking all persons out I asked only that hey tell me when I had a hour, I had things to do. Asking Mr. Nobu to find me a demon that could make snow, as well as one that could change the color of lights around me, he said he would find them, and I was left to do my preparations.
Bathing quickly, and drying my massively long tress which took a while, the raven quality had not looked so silken in years, my eyes misted a bit as I pulled out the powder white paste and began to paint my olive skin. All traces that I had once worked fields gone save the golden crests upon my neck to show that I was indeed real. Burnt sticks of kohl made my brows again perfect, and lined my eyes to give me a cat like look, my dark lashes now standing out, jasmine powered perfume to tantalize those around me. I chewed mint to enhance my breath, not that I dared hope to kiss anyone, but one did not wish t offend should I need to speak to anyone.
Dark crimson painted my lips, as I finished nearly all of it and brushed out my locks until they shown like blackened lacquer, the tress nearly pulled at my back for its length as I sat, it did wonders to realize how long it was now. In the heap of worn kimono’s that had been given to me by whomever I could not guess, I had found a gem; Like golden snow both white and sheer, it was obvious that it was meant to be worn below to give off a gossamer feel yet I knew that by placing it over another white kimono it would be a beautiful sight. The knock at my door had been Nobu, the two demons had been part of the entertainment as well, telling them my plan, they had agreed, knowing who I was by my eyes alone, I asked for two large fans to be given to me, and they were.
Making my way to the performance area, I waited for my queue, the lights were brought to a beautiful blue hue, and snow gentle fell to the floor never touching it to leave a water’s mess. A flute broke the stillness of the path I walked slowly with purpose, slight drums danced off my spine as I looked out to the world. My pale face and deadly blue eyes locking on all those around me, seeking out cold solar lamps that were his, finding them I moved.
I danced with fans, black on one side, and scarlet on the other, they fluttered the flakes of snow around me gently, forcing them to arch as I wanted them like feathers caught in the wind, and I moved with the music as though possessed and yet I was in the most basic and beautiful of ways. I heard the whispers of shock and awe from all around me, but my eyes were only for him, watching him watch me. Chaos turned the once pale lighting from blue to crimson, more bloody looking then any battlefield, I looked at him and only him as I finished my performance.
My body bent backwards, my spine curled and bowed out, my arms above my head with the fans pointed out, I could since that there was only jealousy and wantonness around me, heated and pooled in the auras around me. Pulling myself up I was as sensual as I was seductive in putting myself in that pose, I was geisha, anything else, was just a copy. Covered lightly in snow as the white chunks so contrasting to my obsidian tress, one flake clung to my lashes, making me look as though I was a snow temptress, applauds surrounded me, my mask of cold indifference was their answer. As I walked away to redress in something else my eyes sought out his once more, but along the way I had met hers. The female that had taken him away from me. Never had I hated anyone in all my life, but in that moment I hated her. I walked away though after then catching his eyes, there was promise there.
In my rooms I had barely gotten out of my getas when my door was opened and he walked in, stalking me with his tall frame I was against the wall before I knew it, my legs wrapped around his waist, his heated large hands pulling there to wrap around his silken form, as we kissed smearing my makeup. Knowing I would need breath soon he moved his way to my neck and I held him, my slightly callus hands brushing against him making him stop his attentions, I knew already what he wanted to know. I turned my face from him as he took my hands in his and examined them.
“Where have you been?” he asked darkly, not liking the way he spoke so possessively of me, even if I had wanted him all of my life I had won the right to be my own in some small way, or so I had thought.
“Surviving.” was all I would tell him, he breathed in deeply, I could only guess now scenting me out, smelling what I could only thing was rice water, and wheat fields, as well as my rising power and his own stale scent, he had been my only. Pleased I can only assume, he looked at me, noting my fierce but tired eyes, the way I was worn even if I looked new and beautiful still he could see beyond it to the hardness that had grown since war had ravished the lands. Looking around the room at the kimono selection, he left not saying a word, I was alone once again as is stilled in the loss of his heat and wondered for a moment what would happen now.
Bathing the white cake of makeup off my being I could only think of what my life had meant up until that moment. I was once a fishermen’s daughter, I remember my mother dying, and my sister, only just a bit was she a part of me now, only her brandy brown eyes reminding me that she was earth, and I was water. My life at the okiya was dark until he became my light, and then war. Ravished and torn from my silken world of tea, fans, giggles, and flirtation, torn from the obsession I had with him I was forced to grown, and even then I was forced to acknowledge that to me he was seemingly lost.
I contemplated sinking blow the murky heated waters depth and never seeing its surface again, but that ending seemed not to fit with all that had happened in my life. Raising slowly out of the water, I felt the weight of my burdens leave me as the water sputtered down my bare form. He was but a dream, and I was now faced to live in reality. I came back into my chambers to find a black, blue and silver kimono there. It was stunning and I knew it was from him.
And just like that, a simple gesture, I was pulled back in, having just made my resolve it was as if he knew, and I accepted, wholeheartedly, if he was my dream then I would hope to fall asleep and never wake again. Pulling my hair into a skilled and delicate knot I finished with ornaments and changed into the dress. I had not felt this made up in what felt like a lifetime. Smiling once in a mirror, the muscles in my face seemed unused to the action, part of my heart broke a bit at the thought.
I made my way back to the party that night mingling, never seeing him personally again save for the single moment I was presented to them both, the king and his queen, Sera. There was a stillness there and an enchanted light I felt lit between us, the queens lips pursed thin and I cared not, I was brazen and daring, but I had at one point in my life realized that everything could be taken away from me, if only I let it, but I would not let him go. She might hate it, she might loath my existence and send assassins after me, but I would not give him up gently. Nor would I find would he do the same for me.
When I left that night I wasn’t sure where I’d be going, a carriage took be away, Mr. Nobu, nowhere to be found for only a small while was I concerned that the queen might have something to do with this, until a small castle came into view. It was a temple looking place, but it had a very nice garden that was viewable from the carriage, smoke billowed up from it, from the rather bleak world around me but once there I found only two others lived there, eunuchs named Ah, and another named Un.
Ah, a tall but scaly demon, looking almost like a dragon type led me to a room, through halls and up stairs, I found it to be the master suit, there laying barren in the room was only a few blazers, and a futon. This place was new to me, but I could see all-around myself was him . I smiled. He had taken me, taken me as his once more. There on one of the only two pillows lay a note, small and hardly noticeable, but it was there. Bending down to see it there I grasped the note, masculine, yet strong hand writing stood out.
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‘You are mine, for always. ’ the aged parchment fell from the worn book he read, the smallest of smirks played upon his face.
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Sure that I was smiling, then I couldn’t help but take in all that was around me. For days I explored, finding out from Un, that this place was a family home only known to the King himself, built for his own retreat. It was on a plot of the true castled lands, but was far enough off not to be seen or noticed by any there. For him it was only a few minutes away, while if I tried it would be more then a few days walk back, as it was I remembered the carriage ride had not taken that long. The dragon demon had smiled small at me then and had told me that I had not noticed the demonic horses, I flushed with embarrassment.
I found peace there, and a home, and family with the two, what I would find out to be lovers, both males were like elder siblings to me, and though I had yet to see him, and the season’s turned I still found I loved it there. It was a cool night when there was finally a disturbance of note. I felt an aura, one I had never felt before, and then what I was certain was his but I did not want to fool myself. As I came down from my chambers, his chambers, our chambers, my robes and kimono flaring in the air around me in my wake, I had not expected to see him there standing, waiting. I felt so small and feminine then, the sight of him sending my body into flames, and his nostrils flared in acknowledgment. It had been years since I had felt the touch of a male, his touch, but I wanted him more then ever then.
Auras forgotten, decorum flew, and in his arms I was placed as if the kami themselves had made me for him, the two demon lovers fled on silent winds, not needing to be told that the King did not wish for an audience. He whisked me away to his rooms and unraveled my kimono’s as if I were a gift wrapped far too many times. He had patience to not use his claws and shred the material from my being, but it pooled at my feet and soon I was bare to his gaze. Citrus eyes looked over my body still tanned but fading back to its previous alabaster hue, muscles were apparent where none had been before, and stronger was I for it.
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I had changed and it seemed that he was all too excited to relearn of me and my body. I did not hold back as I was pushed back against the wall once more, something I would learn was to be a favored position with us.
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He smirked remembering his reclaiming of her.
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I had not prepared for him, I knew not when he would turn up, and I was forbidden to go looking for him. It was maddening to know you were so close to one’s own obsession and yet know you were not freely allowed to go to it, often times I wondered if he felt the same, as this would be the first night of flurried passionate sessions, as I would deem them. My back pressed against the bamboo wall, lacquered in deep browns, was cool, a harsh contrast to my heated flesh. His armor bore into me, I cared not, as it broke skin easily, but the scent of my blood must have made him pause, for the next moment he was pulling it from himself.
Free of the weighted burden of his own security, his lips crashed into my own. He could have his wife and mate during the day, during the night, and his visits he was mine, mistress was I, perhaps if I were anyone else it might have bothered me that he held my life so in his beautiful clawed hands but I would willingly fall upon a sword if he but asked. So taken by lover kiss, and heated mouth and tongue that I moaned out his name, the drop in title not cared. His silver hair framed us as he bent into my shorter form, realizing this I was picked up, hoisted upon his hips in a straddle. He wore still to many clothes for my taste, and soon I sought to rid him of them.
My nibble fingers small, and bluntly nailed worked away at his ties, his clothing, so that it was not King and geisha, or demon and miko, but only male and female, heated skin pressed to mine and I could only pant in need. Again his nostrils flared bringing to life something so primal in him that I would not walk for days by the sight of him. He attacked me then, not like an animal, but perhaps one could allude to it as such, my core not at all used in so long was filled, there was no time for foreplay as he stretched me, nor did I care for any for in the end I knew I would only end up begging. He stilled for me, concern briefly flashing in his eyes as my head came up from his shoulder where it had rested upon intrusion. I panted from need, from pain, from pleasure. My lover made up for the pain.
I could feel his trust slow and steady as he pulled himself from me, fortuitously slow, to the point that I was sure even if blind I would know him by that organ alone if need be. I delighted in it. He pulled me up, and for a brief moment I had thought in some naïve way that perhaps he was done, before he let me fall on him, out hips slapping together as I came down, with his grunt and my own moan. I was so wet, and tight and he so very hard that I knew I would not last long. It wouldn’t matter though for I knew even then that I was his, and he would have me until I could no more.
He took his pleasure giving me mine as well, and then some as I road him. I wondered in a sick moment then if his wife ever got this pleasure of if I was the only one that got this privilege. He must have known my mind was slightly taken because I erupted in pleasurable pain. My nipple in his fanged mouth bleed but the sight of him, nearly feral as the day I met him so long before, and attached to my tit like a babe, made me climax. I squeezed my eyes tight my head falling back and my neck bared to his crimson vision as my walls clamped upon him. His growl deep and fearsome for anyone else only made me wetter. He did not stop, and I only cried out more for him.
He had his way with me, my nipples toys to tug on as one clawed hand found its way to my rump, grasping it, feeling the full globe he spread me more, allowing his girth to slide in that much more easily, even though he was already coated in my essence, which I could feel dipping down my thighs just a bit. The sound was messy but intoxicating as I heard the sloshing slop of my own desire. His other hand found its way to my hair at first, claiming hold there and yanking my head back, baring my neck to his passion filled gaze.
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Sometimes I wondered during times like this, if his beast thought to mark me, thought to over through the mark of his current wife. He never did but the action was repeated all through our knowing each other my Danna and I. Still I wonder.
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He came at my submission, knotting within my folds, tightening around him to the point of near pain, he rubbed himself within me, grinding against tender overwhelmed skin. His heat was thick, and I could feel ever spurt as it coated my womb. I breathed deeply then, falling against his form it was the moment I knew I was his, he didn’t have to say it to let me know. My mind wondered and I could not help but think about the possibilities. To knot within my folds would mean to pup me, and yet as much as I would love to bare his pup I did not think he would want as such. I did not ask him, for I did not wish to be disappointed.
He took me all night, to the point that I had though I might die and yet I did not care I loved him through all of the pleasure and all of the pain. By the end I was sure that I would be swollen in my lower regions, flushed red and nearly raw, again I was with him and I couldn’t ask for more. He stayed by my side that night as dawn peeked its way up, held in his tight embrace I felt safe and whole. He lay awake and I was scared to ask what the mater was, when he got up from the futon, his full glory at my sights I felt myself grow wet, and heard his nostrils flare once more.
He turned back to me then, a small leather bag in his hand as to brought himself back to me. And gave me the pouch. I knew I should open it but my arms felt a bit heavy, he chuckled darkly and I blushed, feeling childish, yet I watched as he pulled out a jewel attached to a necklace. Placing it upon me I knew not what it was, but only that the aura I had felt before was back, and this jewel emitted it. I nodded to him then and he once more fell into bed with me, I thought that perhaps he would sleep but I was wrong as he began to kiss me, “Never take it off.” he said. I nodded once more as he licked and kissed his way down my body.
Something I would later find was healing to my abused and loved skin. He made his way to my core and lapped at me until I came, until I was healed, making his way up once more, he pulled me up and placed me in his favored position, receiving. Upon my hands and knees I waited for him, not long did I have to. I fell forward from his thrust, he didn’t care nor did I, the angle was better and he grunted as I tightened around him. He rode me like a dog rides his bitch, a position I would fight for if given the chance.
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He smiled proudly then.
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I was hoarse when he was done with me, his cocky smirk irritating, yet gorgeous. He left me not long again; healed, sated, wanting more, and wishing for things that would never be. Not to mention issues walking.
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I cursed him for that, leaving me to call out for Ah, or Un, just to get around the house. He always did it, I came to expect it of him.
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Well into the season I became frantic, I had expected my monthly for days upon days, turning into a fortnight, I hadn’t thought anything about how hard our passion had ran, or how deep until I thought perhaps I was with child. His next visit he confirmed it, neither sad nor happy about the fact, but the flare of his youkai while in passions seemed to trigger something deep within, and I doubled over in pain as my own aura attacked me, and the child. The foreign thing within me. I lost my child, and he came to realize I would never bear his pup.
I withdrew from him then, and thought to end my life. A female was worth nothing if she could not give sons, and more then that, there was the understanding that I could never bare the child, the pup of the man I loved, even if I had never told him as such I knew it with all of my being. I was so beyond myself that I didn’t care as I sank into the hot springs one night. I didn’t care that the blackness came, or when the last thing I saw was his angry face as he pulled me out.
He stayed with me until I was well enough not to kill myself or let myself die, I was certain that he was neglecting his duties by being there with me, and I was all too glad to see him finally go, for i could not bare to see him so much knowing i would never carry a part of him. Ah and Un watched me like a hawk after that and it was over a year later when I finally saw my lord again. I was better by then, and the world passed me by, his visits coming when he could, and life there moved. It took a while for me to notice the changes but the season had moved more then fifteen summers when it occurred to me that I was still young and beautiful, I had brought it up with my lord, and he only gave me a small grin, as he stalked up to me, before pouncing me for another romp.
Sitting at my vanity, brushing my long pooling hair, I leaned into him as he came up behind me, only running his hand over the necklace that had yet to ever be taken off. I knew not what powers it held but it held youth to my body and mind, and for that I was grateful that I would not have to leave him as soon. Time did march on though and I was pupped a few more times, each end the same, and each time I grew more to hate my womb, a womb that would kill its own child. I thought he hated me too, as he stayed longer and longer away from me after those times.
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I think now, as old as I am, that as hard as it was for me, perhaps it was hard for him too. A mother’s bond is so much with a child, and yet a youkai’s bond is just as strong. I never bore him a pup, if I have any regrets it is that.
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His face pale in all its moon glory was grim at the thought. Each miscarriage had not only been hard because his pup had died but she had wanted to follow with it. How could he ever let her know that she was the gem of his world, the reason for him to want to wake each day. How could he tell her that it was her pup he wanted most, and that not even his youkai bride brought him the pleasures and joy she did. He couldn’t.
Their relationship at that time was mostly physical, and even if there was more that he’d never admit to she was a weakness. He knew that from the moment he claimed her as his. More times then she knew he’d secreted some thief or bandit from the area around their home, where she rest. More times then she knew he watched her as she sat out on her balcony from the forest, as she played with her hair, or the jewel.
He’d loved her, and he didn’t love anything. He needed her, and he needed nothing.
Reading her memoir was turning out to be a bad idea he thought, looking over at the body of the little old woman that lay in their bed covered in a sheer shroud, and wishing he could turn back time, wishing he could change things but he could not. He sighed knowing that he would only be able to read this once, his second chance at getting to know the woman he’d loved. ‘Kagome ’ the name did not leave his lips, but it beat deeply in his heart.
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As time moved forward I did notice small changes in me, I did grow older by some small measure, still he came when he wanted, left when he pleased, took me for all that I am, and for all that I gave. I bore him no ill will, for I loved him, and his pleasure was my pleasure, his joy, my joy. I lived for him, and only when pupped did I fear the possible loss of him or the possible loss of myself to my own darkness. But still every moment meant more to me then anything I could ever hope for. Only, I eventually began to want for a child, a pup.
My moods fell and soured, and of coarse my lover noticed. When asked I could not hide from him, he was a beacon in the darkness, and so I told him. He was angered I remembered and left, and I cried for so long sure that I had lost my love. When he returned finally, months later, he brought me a daughter. A human girl named Rin, who neither spoke nor was she frightened of demons. I was so happy, but like all things wonderful, even it ended. Rin grew up, and I was ever the same in comparison, she left like all daughters do to her husband’s home. I got word much later that she died in childbirth.
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I do not know now if those years are the best of my life or the worst, after Rin, I had no other child for a very long time, but when I did again it was not a human child, but a young kitsune. My lover and lord knew that I might not be able to take many more losses and opted to try and stave them off before they came. He was thoughtful even if he had not meant to be, I can see that now.
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My darling Shippo was a joy and wonder to behold, he would never replace my Rin but he too held a special place in my heart. He filled the halls of the small palace with such joy and trickery, helping to spend away days between visits. But he was a young man before I knew it and off to train. I was not resentful for he was able to visit as well, and slowly but surely he grew up, and I grew old. My body wasn’t as young or as spry as it once was and I wasn’t able to handle all night love sessions as I once had, I feared then that because my usefulness to my lord was over I would meet my end of his patronage, that my danna would be rid of me for a younger geisha.
My fears were unfounded, I found that as I grew to the point that I could not take him any longer he simply came to seek out my company. Between us was a love affair even if we never spoke the words themselves to one another. I believed he knew, if not there is always this memoir for him to find. We spend lazy days speaking of the times, wars, politics, simply the weather, or the seasons, remembering the best of times. But I can feel it now, my age is catching us to me, I cannot remember how old I truly am, maybe 372, maybe more or less. I can feel it in my bones its time for this one to rest.
I will be leaving him and it saddens me. He has his memories though, and this, just in case he forgets. He has Shippo, all grown up, a personal bodyguard for his heir. I will miss most the feeling of waking next to him, surrounded in his warmth, his embrace the scent of him like his body strong. I will miss his moonlight and star kissed tress, his solar lamped eyes, and his pert kissable lips. I will miss the things we once did, the conversations we now have, but most of all I will miss him. I hope if he is reading this, that I am not leaving him with a burden, I had never wanted to be one.
Only his, forever, and always.
My Sesshomaru, My love. My Lord.
- Kagome.
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Moisture fell from his eye, a lone tear that wet the page before he closed the book, and looked back at the woman that he’d loved for over four hundred years. To him she was just as beautiful as when he’d first met her. The small child that did not fear him, a sapphire eyed child that was an oddity, the one that pulled the fang and gave him a destiny. He had called forth Miyako and set her to set the miko’s path, and she had followed it in full. He had wanted her pups, but fate was cruel, he had found the jewel of four souls, and insist she wear it to prolong her life as he could not mate her to do it. And here she lay, as enchanting to him as any other moment he had spent with her.
His beast was dead, its soul mate gone, he knew soon he would be no longer for this world within the years end. He looked so young and youthful, but he was dead inside, he was lost with out her. Gently he brushed silken white hair back behind wrinkled ears, and kissed her brow, his final goodbye, ‘My Kagome. My love. My Geisha.’ the words died in his throat. The need to burn the book, the record of her was heavy in him, but he would not, could not, it didn’t matter if someone found it after he was gone, he’d be with her once more. A true smile fell to his face then, accepting it.
Walking out of this home, her home, their home, he never wanted to step foot there again, he was followed by Ah and Un, as well as his guard Shippo, who all mourned the loss, two words falling from his lips. “Burn it.” She would have the grandest pier, and no one would ever take away this place where they had been together. That night the blaze kissed the sky, and the demon lord drank himself under, he woke later that night early in the day and made final preparations, his eldest pup and heir was old enough. In the morning a chamber maid found him dead, his will to live gone, and his eldest pup was crowned King.
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Kagome stood waiting for him there in death, as she would wait forever and always, this world she was in was so beautiful, and colorful, silk and fans as far as she could tell, when she heard a disturbance of note down in the parlor of her home in the land of death. Fluttering out of her chambers, his chambers, their chambers, she came down her silken robes fluttering in the wake of her walk, her inky black tress and young fully showing in her glee. There he stood, a smile on his face and his arms open. Decorum flew, as she latched on to him, their kiss locked in passions embrace, “You came.” she whispered. Smiling into his lips.
“Your mine, forever and always.” was his only reply as he kissed her soundly, forever and always.
The End
An: PLEASE for the love of kami tell me if you liked this, ~REVIEW~ i'm looking for actual crits here, mostly i wanted to woke on my distription, and i'm not fantastic on 1st POV so it might move about, if it did i'm sorry! but please tell me if it was good. - r0o
PS: Its been mentioned before that the phasing from 1st/3rd POV is off. Truly i'm going to tell you i despise having to advise that I'm changing POV. The reason i dont, is first b/c there are a specific amount of periods/dots in between the time chance as well as the prospective change. I'm sorry if its hard to follow, it was not intentional. 1st POV is honestly difficult for me, and i truly have to give props to those that write in this formate often. That being said, I also did not attempt to just throw random Japanese again in this fiction, sometimes i think authors do this, i dunno why really, but this was not my intention. As stated at the time, my intention was to bring out a descriptive story. I know puntucation seems to be an issue for some of you as well. I'm going to say sorry about that. I did send this to a Beta before hand. Either way, i personally am pleased with this story, as i hope that you are as well. Sorry if i made you tear up. - r0o