A/N--I got the idea for this story from a magnet I have on my fridge. It's a picture of one of those vintage cowgirl pin-ups. I took the title of this story from that magnet. I don't know why, but the cute little saying just wouldn't leave my head, maybe because Kagome is always missing the mark when she tries to shoot a demon. LOL. I don't know how many of you are married out there, but I speak from experience when I say, you gotta put effort into a relationship to keep it HOT! The muse for this story originally visited me after I read a FAN-frickin-TASTIC story by Langus. Sword of Supreme Conquest, which I believe won best Darkfic award from this site. YAY, Jenn!
Anyway, on to the first chapter in this tale of marital bumfuzzlement.......
Identify your weakness
Kagome was frantically putting the finishing touches on her hair when she felt the unmistakable tingle of Sesshomaru's youki getting closer. She took a deep breath and made a conscious effort to calm her racing heart. She stood from her vanity and hurriedly smoothed the delicate silk of the sheer kimono. There was nothing of her body left to the imagination.
If he doesn't notice this see-through get-up there's something wrong with him!
She whirled around, breathless, when Sesshomaru entered into their bedchamber. Oh, gods, he looked so hot! For once, he looked less than pristine. His red and white silk haori and hakama was dingy and his hair looked unkempt. She almost started drooling. It had been an eternity since they'd made love and she felt like she was about to explode. Seeing him like this was wildly alluring. He'd been in the wild for a month and he looked delicious. She bit her bottom lip, closed her eyes, and moaned.
Kagome felt the now familiar aching heaviness in her center become suddenly urgent.
The Western Lord, however, was dead on his feet.
Sesshomaru was assaulted with the heavy scent of her arousal upon entering the room. She would not be ignored.
What have I done? I am gone from her for so long only to return just in time for my youkai slumber....perhaps I could muster what is required to satisfy her.....
He hadn't slept in a month and he knew it was merely wishful thinking to rut with her this night. He looked at her helplessly knowing he was just moments from passing out.
She had the look of a predator as she advanced.
Did she just growl?
"Kagome?.......koishii?." Sesshomaru said in a shaky voice, swaying from exhaustion.
Her eyes were hooded and glistened with desire as she slowly stalked toward him.
"You're in for it, you dirty dog."
"Kagome......" Reasoning with her would not alter his fate.
His mouth went dry at the vision of erotic beauty before him.
Oh, hell....she wants this Sesshomaru's hard cock pounding into her for hours on end....she will be insatiable and I know I cannot even get it up for one quick rut. Damn, damn, damn.
Kagome moved in to pounce. He had no where else to go but down.
Shit. When I wake up I will be taking up residence in this 'dog house' she keeps referring to.
He was practically stumbling backward as her hands methodically unhooked his armor. She was pushing him to the bed.
"Sesshomaru, I can see that you are tired. But if you don't do me properly right this minute, I will die. Do you hear me? And if that happens, I'm taking you with me! So if you want to live to see another day, you'd better gather up some of that endless youkai strength and do your duty! Now strip and GIVE IT TO ME! NOW!"
There was nothing more dangerous than a bitch who was sexually frustrated. He had neglected her for too long and now he would pay the price for his folly.
Oh, kami, I am dead, she will surely purify me... but damn! What a goddess, a temptress....this Sesshomaru is a fool.... His vision blurred.
But he had a big problem. He knew as soon as his head hit the pillow, he would be snoring. There was no extra reserve of strength for him to draw from. FOOL!
He would never hear the end of it. This Sesshomaru is about to get purified.
There were few things Sesshomaru feared as the most powerful youkai in Japan. But one of those few things was Kagome at this moment. This petite, ningen woman, his beautiful mate, the mother of his heir, was advancing upon him, deadly and powerful. She was the predator and he the prey and she thirsted for his blood.
By all appearances, however, the Western Lady would not be content with only his blood. She thirsted for all of him.
Presently, he felt a shiver of terror seize his gut as she closed in on him. It was only a matter of moments......
But, by the gods, she was a vision to behold in her predatory fury.
He swallowed hard and swayed, nearly panting with the effort to remain upright. The black numbness was creeping over his senses, destroying any hope of coupling with his mate.
She waited impatiently as he sluggishly rid himself of the last of his clothing. The look in his eyes told her that he would be putty in her hands. She groaned in lust as she pressed herself up against him and wrapped her eager hands around his semi-hard cock. He inhaled her scent with a husky moan as he took her in his arms.
She truly is the most beautiful woman this Sesshomaru has ever seen. I certainly am one lucky dog to have such an incredible woman as my mate. He leaned down and took her mouth in a lazy kiss, staggering as he did so She tasted exquisite. Sesshomaru cursed his bad timing. He wanted so bad to ravish her, to possess that which she freely offered to him.
Try as he might, he simply could not remain steady on his feet. His body's need for rest was already overtaking him.
His eyes became heavy-lidded and almost rolled back in his head.
Kagome's core throbbed in want at his slow, languid foreplay.
Sesshomaru wasn't being as careful as he could have been. One of his fangs accidentally scratched her lip.
Kagome moaned in bliss into his mouth.
She ran her hands greedily up and down his sculpted chest and over his abs as he kissed her. She pulled away from his mouth so she could look up at his face. He staggered like he was drunk.
Kagome peered into his eyes, noting that he was usually more aggressive in his foreplay.
No matter....she was happy to do all the work tonight.
She pushed him and he fell backwards and his six and a half foot tall frame landed heavily and gracelessly in the middle of the bed. His glossy silver hair fanned out around him and surrounded him like heavenly silk.
Kagome licked her lips at the sight of the male perfection laying in all his naked glory in her bed.
It's about time!
Kagome's eyes moved hungrily up his well-toned and muscular form. She was about to get her some of that man-meat. Kagome's mouth watered in anticipation. She pounced on him and straddled his hips, grinding instinctively while attacking his neck with her mouth.
She froze when she heard a strange sound come from his throat.
Sesshomaru was already fast asleep....snoring like the dog he was.
This is a joke, right? Please tell me that it is!' The desperate mental babbling began.
She knew then that she was the plaything of the kamis, the only purpose of her existence being for their twisted amusement.
So the gods hated her...that had to be it! They hated her and wanted her to wither up and die from sexual frustration. The Fates had not tortured the Shikon Miko enough, it would seem. It's not like this was any big secret! Teetering on the edge of her right mind, she wondered briefly if she really could die from such a thing. Could she die from the mental and physical trauma she had sustained from being denied the pleasures of his body while he lay naked and helpless before her? The irony alone was mind-boggling! Thinking back to her first encounter with the great Sesshomaru, he had, in fact, made what would have been an effective attempt on her life were it not for the Tetsusaiga. What was so nauseatingly ironic NOW was the fact that he would be ending her life but would be unconscious for it! She almost laughed if it were not such a dire situation.
Was she finally descending into the abyss of insanity? The lustful torpor that consumed her mind took strange leaps as she frantically thought of her family on the other side of the well. Sesshomaru would be forced to break the news to her mother that Lady Kagome had spontaneously combusted because he was too busy running through the forest to give her a good working over......and then her mother would hopefully ram her knee right into his groin.....
Kagome took a deep breath, still straddling the sexy, albeit useless, male. Having recovered from her mental lapse, she made a valiant effort to pull herself together.
Kagome prided herself on her ability to roll with the punches and keep her game face through any hardship life may throw her way. She had endured hunting jewel shards in deplorable conditions with a temperamental hanyou in the Sengoku Jidai while still maintaining passably good grades in the modern era. She had fought countless demons of all shapes and sizes that relentlessly pursued her for her shards. She'd had her heart broken by the aforementioned hanyou repeatedly and still managed to smile. She'd bravely vanquished the hated Naraku. She had even survived several attempts on her life by the very inuyoukai who lay naked and enticing beneath her. She'd looked him in the eye and held her head high....
But this was just too much!! She'd rather be blasted with dokkasu a hundred times over or flogged with his acid whip than endure this torture! He was naked! He was beautiful! He was between her legs! And there wasn't piss she could do about it!
"Sesshomaru, you BASTARD! I ought to purify that perfect ass of yours al the way to kingdom come!" she screamed at him, not caring one bit if the youkai servants all over the house heard her lament. Let them hear and cower in fear of her wrath! She wailed more colorful epithets about her snoring mate, wriggling, bouncing, pummeling, and in general, doing stupid things against his person that he would never allow while conscious.
She collapsed on his chest and threw a massive fit, howling her misfortune into his neck.
Of course, being blissfully unconscious and unaware of the dire distress of his mate, Sesshomaru did not respond. She knew he'd be out for at least a week and nothing would wake him up. She could scream at the top of her lungs directly into his perfectly pointed ear and he would not budge.
She knew. She did it last time this happened.
He was in a vegetative state.
Kagome looked down upon the face of her mate as he snored. He was so beautiful, and he was even more so while asleep because he was completely relaxed. She continued to look down at him and became massively annoyed. It was so not fair to have a man like that in her bed and she couldn't even have her way with him! Wait a minute....
Could she?
She slapped herself when the wickedly attractive idea of molesting her comatose mate flitted through her mind. Snap out of it, Higurashi! You're not that desperate!
Her gaze moved back to Sesshomaru's unconscious, very naked, and exceedingly sexy body. Her eyes caressed the deep purple slashes that accentuated his lean, muscular physique. She drug her blunt nails across his broad pale chest, not bothering to suppress a moan.
OK, maybe she was a little desperate.
She groaned in frustration and removed her still very unsatisfied self from his prone form and flopped down next to him. She looked at him for a long moment before saying,
"Well, darling, it looks like this Kagome has a date with B.O.B. Tonight."
;-);-);-)
With not a small amount of difficulty she managed to get him the rest of the way in bed and situate him so he wasn't monopolizing the entire futon. It was no easy task because really, he was quite large at almost 6'6" feet tall and heavy. Being a dead weight as he was at the moment, he was almost too much for her petite 110 pound frame to manage. She finally accomplished this and blew a huge sigh through her bangs.
Kagome's 'B.O.B.' was looking more and more attractive as each minute passed.
Suddenly, Sesshomaru growled and turned over on his side while blindly clawing the futon in search of his mate. She gingerly held out a large pillow. His huge clawed hand grabbed it. She jumped back, relieved. He then settled back into his coma-like state with the cushion trapped under his arm. This brought back a memory...
It had happened a few months ago. He had gone into his deep sleep that came over him every time he didn't sleep for weeks at a time. She would never forget it because she happened to be within his reach when he grabbed her in his sleep. He then proceeded to spoon her just as he would after sex. It had taken her the better part of the afternoon to free herself from his hold. She had been too mortified by her predicament to call out for help.
She must have looked like she'd been run over by Ginkotsu and then single handedly vanquished the Band of Seven because of what happened next.
Inuyasha was sauntering through the gardens to where Rin and their pup sat under a sakura tree when he noticed Kagome and the state she was in leaning dejectedly on the railing of the balcony. He had laughed hysterically at her when she finally emerged from the private balcony of hers and Sesshomaru's bedchamber. She looked a haggard and disheveled mess. Inuyasha knew what had happened. He knew the old dog was due for his sleep since they'd been gone so long. Rin was sympathetic to Kagome, though. She had scolded her mate for making fun of her.
"That is NOT funny, Inuyasha! He could have suffocated her!" Rin had admonished.
"Feh, she's tough, aren't you, Kags? You can handle that mean old dog!!" Inuyasha had teased, struggling to hold back more laughter.
Kagome sank to the ground next to Rin and the pup and glared up at her brother-in-law.
"You just better be glad you don't have those subjugation beads around your neck, you baka!" she'd hissed. Rin had glared at him in support of Kagome.
Inuyasha couldn't hold back his mirth, and was eventually rolling on the ground, laughing his ass off at his friend, howling like a hyena.
"SIT!!!SIT!!!SIT!!!!"
She'd screamed it at him anyway, just because it made her feel better. Even she was fighting to keep from smiling.
It just made him laugh at her harder.
Kagome shook her head and smiled ruefully at the memory.
At least this time Sesshomaru was only taking up his side of the bed! She huffed one more time in aggravation and covered her mate before kissing his silver head, brushing his bangs aside.
She knew Sesshomaru loved her and was devoted to her. They had been mated for six years and she had taken up the mantle of Lady of the Western Lands quite easily. She knew he was proud to have her by his side. All the youkai of the court had come to grudgingly respect her. She carried out her many duties as Western Lady with efficiency and poise. She'd even given him a son before their first anniversary. But for the past year they had drifted apart as their respective duties and responsibilities overwhelmed them both. Kagome managed his household with the standards of organization and discipline that Sesshomaru required. She sifted through the flow of official papers and state correspondence with the skill of a seasoned secretary. She entertained ambassadors from the other three regions while Sesshomaru was away defending the borders of the Western Lands from frequent uprisings.
And therein lay the core of her present and frustrating predicament.
When he was gone, He. Was. Gone.
Gone. As in, he was never home to satisfy the needs of his bitch.
These border patrols would sometimes last months. And when he returned he would invariably and promptly fall asleep for a week.
So when he was home, he was in his vegetative state.
The Western Lady had become very cranky and shrill as of late.
Those outside the royal family might even go so far as to say he stayed away from home because she had become a nag and a shrew. But anyone who held such an opinion kept it to themselves for fear of purification.
When he would finally emerge from his slumber of the dead, he would ravish her from behind, controlled entirely by his beast. With the amount of finesse he employed during such an encounter, Kagome had a sneaking suspicion it was mainly to relieve his monstrous erection that was a result of sleeping for a week solid. His beast would be growling for her, starving to be one with her. It would be a frantic and urgent coupling. When he released his seed into her with a snarling grunt, he'd lean over her to nip at his mating mark on her neck, give her ass a slap and stumble to the baths. Kagome would usually stifle her frustration and go on with her day. He would leave soon after checking in on their pup and meeting with her and his advisors regarding business that transpired in his absence.
And this pattern had been going on for a year.
It wasn't exactly the stuff of romance novels, but hey, a busy Western Lady's gotta take what she can get.
Kagome cringed when she came to the stunning and terrifying realization that, in a year, she and Sesshomaru had had sex maybe six times. That was just so so wrong. Something had better change, and FAST, or she was sure somebody or something would die by her hand.
Or she would spontaneously combust.
And with that realization, she also knew that she was partially to blame for their lack of intimacy. With a start, she realized that when he was home, her irritation with him must positively radiate off of her in waves. No wonder he never touched her. He had become almost as cold as the beautiful and deadly inuyoukai she recalled once upon a time in the tomb of his father.
She watched the slow steady breathing of the Inu she adored. Her fingers lightly traced the finely sculpted lines of his face, trailing over the magenta stripes and crescent moon. He was so beautiful. She missed his touch. She ached for his sultry voice in her ear during the throes of passion. She missed his masculine scent. She longed for his kiss.
She ached for the way he used to drink of her like a man dying of thirst. What had happened to them? How had it come to this? She knew that as an inu, his need for physical contact with her was paramount. So why had he withdrawn so much from her?
Kagome needed to formulate a plan to salvage her relationship with Sesshomaru. He was her world, her life. It was time to take back the male that belonged to her.
Kagome, the shrill, frustrated housewife was about to take a backseat to Kagome, fearless, determined Warrior Miko with a plan who wasn't about to allow her mate slip through her fingers.
With that decided, she curled up next to Sesshomaru, ignoring the hollow ache in her loins. She was comforted only by the fact that he was finally home, beside her, and very much alive. She eventually fell into a fitful sleep.
The next morning, she got up from the futon that she shared with Sesshomaru and walked to her wardrobe. She purposefully grabbed a pair of yoga pants and a tank top she'd brought back from the modern era. She knew he hated it when she wore her modern clothes outside of their bedchamber. He told her they were indecent. But right now, she didn't give a crap what he wanted or didn't want. She loved the dog demon with everything within her, but right now she needed to be comfortable so she could formulate a plan to get his attention.
She was NOT going to settle any longer for getting mounted by her Inu for five minute quickies once every two months. No. Frickin. Way.
She figured since he decided to take an extended vacation to dreamland he wouldn't have a whole lot to say one way or another. She hurumped, stuck her tongue out at him, and quickly got dressed.
Kagome was seriously craving some 'girlfriend' time. With a quick look at Sesshomaru, who appeared to be dead to the world, she slammed the massive door to their suite. She ignored the two huge inuyoukai who stood guard over the lord and his lady and swept down the stately corridor in search of comfort and sympathy for her dreadful plight. She was so thankful Miroku and Sango were here at the palace for an extended visit. Maybe between Sango and Rin she could get some perspective.
She would get his attention, by whatever means possible.
;-);-);-)
Identify your Weakness
"A clever huntress knows that without practicing her weapon, she will never catch her prey."
;-);-);-)
Oh, and, uh.....a B.O.B. Is a 'battery operated boyfriend'
A/N - Next chapter, Kags seeks out Sango and Rin.
This typical housewife and tired mother of four boys absolutely LOVES reviews! This little fic is dedicated to housewives everywhere who may feel somewhat the way Kags feels. Take heart! You're not alone! ;-)
Slainte!
mama-sama