Notes:
While reading chapter one if you wanna really immerse yourself into it listen to NF’s Mansion while reading. I have been on a NF kick lately and this fic will be heavily inspired by it.
The first chapter will be a kick in the feels. It will be a Hurt/Comfort fic It starts with tragedy I WILL BE WRITING IT AS I POST IT. So bare with me.
(See the end of the work for more notes.)
The sun was breaking through the black sky slowly.
Its golden rays peeking through casting the horizon with new dawn colors of yellow and orange dancing along the east meeting and chasing the inky blackness of the night away in the west. Before her eyes where the dawning sun met the night sky, there was a line of purple dusting between the two forces of the sun and moon.
It was that purple and gray in between that reminded her of herself, She was born in one era but felt she truly belonged in another she was the time traveler that essentially lived in between the two eras she called home.
She sat looking into the vast sky thoughtfully wondering if she could even call one or the other home anymore. Since the defeat of Naraku, she had been caught astray. She was floating in the unknown.
Everything had seemed bleak with all the death that their little group had seen. She knew too much of the future to stay in the past and had seen too much of the past to live happily in the future.
Nothing was ever really going to be the same anymore not that it ever would have anyway. She looked to the dawning sun once more with a sigh closing her eyes to retreat internally once more to ponder her predicament along with her tormented feelings of inadequacy.
In her mind she looked at the house she had built with all of her hopes, dreams, and wishes that she had held close to her heart once Naraku had been defeated. She hesitated as she walked up the porch of the unassuming home the door swung open inviting her to step in.
She paused at the threshold looking into the desolate home that she had created. On the outside, it was unassuming and inviting, once the door opened you could see the cold hard truth of what the house now held in its happy exterior. Nothing inside this house could live, it was a broken home.
It was time she had put off dealing with her broken heart, that was housed in this home. No longer could she put it off. Repairs had to be made, her dreams needed to be remolded, her hopes needed to be repurposed, the wishes she had needed to be changed.
Taking a breath she took the first step initiating the fear of change, new beginnings, and starting over to wash over her. She braced herself against the pain and heartache that was to come, a tear made its way down her face as she screamed into the desolate home.
Anger followed shortly after entrance as the dam that was holding the flood back broke. She punched holes in the wall and threw the things she could get her hands on through the glass and shattered the mirrors in her mind.
Anxiety manifested in rage as it overtook her. She ran from room to room lighting fire to each memory that was held there she wouldn’t need them anymore. Slowly the fire consumed the memories making it just a little bit easier to breathe as they went.
Coughing as the black smoke filled the house but she wasn’t ready to abandon it altogether just yet. There was still more that needed to be done.
She came to a stop in front of the red door at the end of the hall. She felt the air thin as it became harder and harder to breathe within the walls of her emotions.
She knew what was behind that door.
She didn’t think she was ready to face it. She looked around her as the fire started to crumble the remainder of the home.
It was eerily familiar.
Reaching a hand out tentatively to the knob. Her eyes rolled over the door in front of her once more. Without it even being opened she found herself reliving the memory.
She could hear the screams, smell the burnt flesh. Closing her eyes tight she shook her head trying to dislodge the memory assaulting her senses as helplessness took over falling to her knees before the door.
A balled fist pounded as another scream of pain found its way from her lips. Tears streaming down her face. The heat of the fire was licking at her.
She deserved the pain, deserved to feel just as helpless as they did. It was going to eat her alive the guilt she felt as she had stood and watched the flames engulf them.
This was penance.
Hurt, pain, helplessness, and fear had become close friends of Kagome’s over the years. Loss, that one was still unfamiliar. She knew death was a part of life. Old things passed so new things could come.
The circle of life.
She understood it.
What she didn’t understand was, why them?
Why that way? What could they have possibly done to deserve such a death?
The world was cruel that she understood. She had been lucky enough for a long time not to know the harsh reality of the cruel world personally, now not so much. She beat against the red door once more then pushed it open violently.
Keeping it closed didn’t allow her to not relive it. Keeping that door shut didn’t spare her feelings, not when just looking at it brought the memories to life. There was no need to pretend not opening it would help anymore.
The fresh air untainted by the smog filling the house washed over her causing the fire to dance around her singe her skin she welcomed it. Taking slow steps in she watched the memory play before her.
She watched herself fling the doors of the well house open as she rushed out. When she had arrived in the her correct time she could immediately tell something was wrong. The smell of smoke had filled the well house.
She could feel the panic as she watched herself; it was like an out of body experience. Watching but feeling the emotions as if she was in that moment again. Outside the well house the nightmares that had been haunting her and on an indefinite replay came to life once more.
She fell to her knees in sorrow as she watched herself run to the house of her childhood, a light with bright orange and yellow flames, after scanning around the yard looking for her family.
Not for the first time in her life Kagome had thrown caution to the wind when she heard a scream coming from the house. It was the first time in her life that cold fear and dread washed through her as she faced her own personal loss.
“Mom, Souta, Gramps!” She screamed as she ran to the house towards the fire, towards her family.
Just as she made it to the door she was caught around the waist and jerked back.
“NO!!” she screamed as she fought against the iron bands that pulled her away from them.
Her family, her home, all that held her in the modern time being eaten away by the flames.
“Kagome.”
His voice was soft as he pulled her back, much softer than it had ever been when he had spoken to her. She knew that nothing good would come from it; she knew the news before he even finished saying her name.
“They are gone, Kagome, It's too late.” She wailed her grief as she turned in his arms, her fist pounding against his chest.
“Why!? Inuyasha, why did you stop me?” She screamed at him. As his ears flattened and sadness flickered in his golden eyes.
“I could have saved them Inuyasha!” Each word punctuated with a fist meeting his chest. “I could have saved them.” She whispered this time accepting her new reality. This was the end of her life in the modern era there was nothing here for her anymore.
Setting fire to the last room in the house she had created to home her memories of a past life she turned and walked through the flames across the threshold that mattered no more. She didn’t look back until she was standing in the yard adorned with the picket fence that lined the yard of the once happy unassuming home that reminded her too much of the one she grew up in and watched as it crumbled to the ground.
She took a deep breath and looked to the grey sky above just as the heavens opened up and let their tears fall for the innocence she had burned to the ground. Fitting that inside she was full of fire and rain.
‘I couldn’t save them’ she thought as she closed her eyes falling to her knees once more she watched one life end the only thing she could do now was start anew.
Notes:
You made it though, Thank you so much for reading. Comments are welcome I love to hear your thoughts, feelings and anything else you wanna share!