AN (Sesshoumaru SPEAKING- words)
(Kagome's THOUGHT RESPONSES- thought)
Oneshot.
Just like tar.
--
The light from the moon pierced through the curtains; an almost nonexistent glow illuminated the room casting shadows sharply across his sleeping face. Though soon, the moon would pass its zenith and fully submerge the area in darkness.
Darkness wasn't her friend.
But who was she kidding?
Any time she wasn't otherwise occupied, any time she had a moment to ponder life, IT brought her back to this... place.
The cratered, wretched plain in her mind that festered like a scathing ball of angry vipers. Horrid reptiles that would snap and hiss violently upon her thoughts, twisting them over and over into its tight, inescapable grasp.
This... emotion - for no name came to mind to claim it - was like tar.
Thick and viscous, it coated her with every negative thing that had transpired in the last few months. Sticking to her conscious like a second skin, it left her feeling broken... like a vital piece was missing.
Every little action had a scathing remark, a waspish retort, even if she only bothered saying it to herself.
'I love you.' (You love her more.)
*buzz buzz buzz* 'Oh it's nothing, you're more important'. (Sure, you just don't want your wife to know of your lover!)
'What the hell is wrong with you?!' (You! You broke your word, all you do is lie!)
This, whatever you call it, was detrimental to her health. She couldn't sleep any more, even her dreams were haunted by this sight.
He wonders what's changed, why she wasn't what she used to be, why she couldn't be that happy smiling woman.
How could she? Words said in just the right tone, any familiar actions, any pictures of shared memories - they were all triggers that sent her spiraling chaotically into the tar.
She would fight, gods, would she fight! But just like tar, there was no escape.
It bound her hands - the more she struggled, the more she sank.
It filled her eyes, ears and mouth; slid down her throat until it choked her and robbed her of her breath and she was left broken.
Deaf, dumb, and blind, to all but this misery.
Why does she stay? Why did the thought of not being with him hurt just as much, if not more? What was so wrong with her that he sought out that woman?
What did he see in her?
People all say it's his fault, that he has a problem, that its no fault of hers.
But it must be...Why else would he find someone so much like her?! That fun and glowing woman, who in her younger years had no cares and was full of life. Why then, if the problem wasn't her, would he look for a younger replica?
No, what had she been thinking?! No woman deserved this! Especially from the man they loved!
It was HIS fault. Why else would he run off and find a shadow of what she used to be? Why would he look for a younger replica? Is a woman who is fun and glowing, who has no cares of the world, and is full of life - is that more appealing than herself? Than the wife who grew to love him?
Looking at him lying there peacefully, face slackened, you would not know he had done her wrong. His arm was wrapped possessively around her waist. Were she to leave the bed, he would awaken and pull her back under the covers, making sure to tuck her snugly into himself. It was moments like this that tested at her most. This love and devotion he showed when sleeping made it hard; the way he clung to her so desperately in sleep both swelled her heart and ignited it in fury!
She was sick - she had to be for putting up with this delusion of trust. For smiling and reciprocating words of love; love that had burned to nothing more than ash.
Fiddling with her wedding band, the engagement ring was long gone from her finger. She no longer felt a part of this marriage.
"Would he even notice if it stayed off her hand? Would he care?
She wondered if he would notice sometime before 3 am if she was in bed, curled up around a book and the teddy bear she had had since twelve years old, the only thing in this lonely house that brought her comfort anymore.
Probably not. It wasn't like he was home much anymore.
Clenching her fist she glared at him. She was so tired of this! Tired of the hurt he had caused and was still causing! No more. Never again. She had lost herself somewhere, and god dammit she would find herself again!
She will be strong, and she will make him see just how much he had fucked up! But first and foremost, she was going to fix herself. And that meant getting him out of her life.
The quickest way she knew to accomplish that was to find a lawyer.
She was getting a divorce.
--
FIN.
I would like to give a giant thank you to my beta, Watermarkit!
I know without her combing this story for me, I wouldn't have been allowed to post this :) :) :)
Yours truly,
TIO.